dave22 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I am curious if there was any girl/guy that made you more depressed than anyone else ever did when they broke up with you. There was this girl who broke up with me a few months ago, we got together briefly again but it never worked out. Even though we only officially dated for a brief period of time we spent a lot of time together for about a year as friends and nobody has ever made me happier. There was just something about her personality that brought out the introverted side of me. I know I will never find anyone else that will make me feel that way. I have never been very happy with my life and it is difficult to think I will have to return to life as it once was. Anyways, I know the advice I will get about how she isn't worth it, I will find someone else, or whatever. I am not too interested in advice. I am just wondering if anyone has any other stories like this. Link to post Share on other sites
karaoke Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 i know what you mean Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Yep, all of them... Well I can definitely say 3 girls in my life have all hurt me so much when the break up came. But that's the thing, with each one I thought she was the one and I'd never love like this again, and I'd never hurt like this again. Skip forward a few years and it happens again, only now it feels stronger and once again I'm having the same feelings. Now most recently it's happened and I'm going through that hurt... I guess my point is just like everyone always says you will love again, you can also be hurt again, and the two are closely connected. The more you love someone, the more you get hurt by them should it end. Just as when you love them you feel they're the only one you'd ever want, when they hurt you it feels like you'll never get over it and it will destroy you. We all heal eventually. I know right now that even though I'm hurting, this pain will go away, the emotional bond to her will break and I'll have removed her from the pedestal I put her on. I know this because it's happened before. Then when I'm ready I'll love again... Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 My last long-term... I knew there was no way for it to last; it was just too toxic with his alcohol abuse. But we were magic together and for the first 14 months, it was amazing. The last 18 months were tragic as he spiraled into prostitutes, drugs, abuse and more. It took me a full two years to get over him and even today (3 1/2 years later) - believing in a psychic connection - whenever I have nightmares in the middle of the night, it ALWAYS corresponds to him scraping the bottom of the barrel, usually experiencing the DTs in rehab. I have had that confirmed no less than four times since we have parted. As much as I want that man out of my system, he remains and I will always feel his pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Paper Roses Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 yes. I'm currently trying to find all the pieces of my broken little heart so I can crazy glue it back together. I never in a million years thought it would happen to me, but i want to crawl into the fetal position and cry into my pillow for the rest of my life. i feel sick, weak and completely disorientated. i feel empty, stupid and worthless. I'm thoroughly convinced that i am the only living human being who has ever gone through this sort of agony. that answer your question? Link to post Share on other sites
brokendreamz Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 8 Months ago I was a shell of a man. My Fiance left me after 8 years. Without trying to sound all 'new age' I'm beginning to realise it was one of the best things that could've happened to me. She broke me into tiny little pieces! I lost 2 stone, my house almost my job and even thought about... 8 months (and a LOT) of work later and I am beginning to be the man I never thought I could be. Use your pain as fuel, challenge your insecurities, step outside your comfort zone as often as you can (it gets addictive after a while!) and realise that you don't need any one to complete you.. Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) yes, I had that with an older woman I dated. she was 51 and me 39. we were together for 2 years and after we broke up, I had bad anxiety attacks at night. I could not sleep, think, focus, got into financial problems, wanted to commit suicide. I would take a box cutter and cut my forearms daily. I never left the house. I didnt want to be with anyone for a long time. It took 2 years to get over her. Hardest thing I went through. My wife cheated on me and while that was very hard for me, it wasnt as hard as parting from this lady. A very black time in my life. Im surprised Im alive. Just take it one day at a time. Makes me teary reading your post. I feel for you. I dont believe in the "many fish out there", "she isnt worth it" comments. people are trying to be polite and encourage you to move on and I do as well, but she had to been worth it if she made you feel the way you do about her, and there are many fish out there, but today its not easy to find someone who'll make you feel the way you do. its not easy to find real love. Edited September 23, 2011 by rocketman122 Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Yes, been there too. Very recently. I couldn't believe how I didn't even see it coming. My heart broke open and everything I was inside spilled out. I didn't even know how to function. Truly, I was like an accident victim. A few months later and it still hurts. I never thought I would find a love like he and I had. I never had so much fun in my life, or wanted to be around someone as much as I did him. I guess the more you feel, the more you hurt later...but I'm still glad I was capable of loving someone so deeply, even if I was never loved by him (though he told me over and over again, only later saying he lied...ouch!) Anyway, when we broke up, I decided to go out and do something for me so something positive would come out of it. You know what? It did. I enrolled in a training program and met many new friends. I framed my certificate and feel proud when I see it. I wouldn't have done it otherwise. I see now that I need to give myself all that I wanted him to. I still love him, but I'm learning to love myself as much as I did him. But, yeah, I know how you feel. Hug to you. All you can do is stop, feel the pain when you need to. Know you can love. It's never a mistake to love someone. That capacity makes us human, and good... Link to post Share on other sites
Desensitized Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Well, I broke up with my girlfriend at the time, but it was the hardest thing I could ever do - as I was breaking my own heart at the same time, too. The things I found out about her, and the things that she kept from me, were enough to make me have a change of heart about her. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Yes and no. Every time, after a break up, it always feels like I'll never get over it. Then every time, I always do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dave22 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 Just take it one day at a time. Makes me teary reading your post. I feel for you. I dont believe in the "many fish out there", "she isnt worth it" comments. people are trying to be polite and encourage you to move on and I do as well, but she had to been worth it if she made you feel the way you do about her, and there are many fish out there, but today its not easy to find someone who'll make you feel the way you do. its not easy to find real love. That's the thing, there may be other women out there, maybe someone compatible enough for me to have a long term relationship with, but I have enough experience to know that I probably will never find anyone who will make me as happy. It's tough to know I will be going back to the life I had up until a year ago. Really tough. Link to post Share on other sites
Carlos S Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I'd say there's some good advice in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t298916/ Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger Beer Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Yes, but I'm only young so I don't have much to compare with. Like the OP, I was only really 'with' her for about a month (feel embarrassed saying that) and towards the end she treated me like crap (I was her rebound guy) but it was the absolute happiest I've ever been in my life, I liked her for months and we were talking all day, every day, I can't explain how much I liked her, to be honest I allowed myself to be treated like an idiot. Anyway that was well over a year ago and even though she begged for forgiveness in March after 4 months NC, she just did the same stuff again so I went NC again (been 3 months) and in the last year this is how it's affected me: - Lost a lot of weight - Gave up hobbies - No sleep - Depression - Anxious all the time - Anger like I've never known, I actually hated all women so much, I'm talking a really intense hate for women (which has gone by the way) - Feeling worthless, not good enough etc And basically a bunch of other boring stuff that people go through after break ups, so I know how the OP feels. But, here is the good bit... There's no way I'll ever allow someone to treat me like that again and I can now spot patterns in behaviour which will help me pick a better girlfriend in future. I have learned a vast amount in this last year. I now have deal-breakers, certain types of girls I won't go for etc... my attitude before was 'I'll do anything to make this work' but now it's like 'If I'm doing my bit and not getting the same back, cya'. Also the amount of advice I got on this forum was incredible. Everyone was so helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Yep, all of them... That was my immediate reaction, too When I fall, I fall hard. I've had two men in particular put me in that emotional state. One took me about five years to get over and one about a decade. I hope I never have to experience that again. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 No one ever gave me the "deer in the headlights reaction" I paced... I needed anxiety medicine in order to work... Thank God I had a wonderful supervisor who stood by my side and did the work for me as I was so dysfunctional during that period of time... I had a very difficult time even leaving the house.... I have never experienced the lows I felt then... It was a very dark time... I wrote so many draft letters... I had to make a list of things I needed to do... I was lucky to check off very routine tasks... like cleaning, going to the store..it took all I could to make an effort at anything...I was the walking dead... could not eat.... I had a great friend that let me vent for a long time... She was my saving grace... I never want to get to that place again.... I had no idea someone could effect me to that degree... It is true what they say... the one you love the most will hurt you the most...To this day... I hope to never hurt like that again...on the other side of it all... knowing we both felt love... is better than having never loved at all... and if I remain single... Knowing I loved with all my heart and soul is a blessing some people never get to experience.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dave22 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 Now that I've been able to think about it more with a clear head, I have a better idea about what happened. We spent so much time together during the past year that it was as if we were in a relationship, even if we were not really. And now, when I think about how much I have missed her, I realize I had fallen in love with her. But I guess just because you are in love with someone and enjoy being with them, it doesn't mean you were meant to be together forever. Now that I understand that, I fell somewhat better, and luckily we are still talking and if it works out, I think we will be freinds again. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyWriter Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Now that I've been able to think about it more with a clear head, I have a better idea about what happened. We spent so much time together during the past year that it was as if we were in a relationship, even if we were not really. And now, when I think about how much I have missed her, I realize I had fallen in love with her. But I guess just because you are in love with someone and enjoy being with them, it doesn't mean you were meant to be together forever. Now that I understand that, I fell somewhat better, and luckily we are still talking and if it works out, I think we will be freinds again. It took me years to learn this, and I'm still trying to instill that wisdom into many I know. I thought that because we had this deep connection and got along so well that it surely, must be the person that I'm supposed to be with. I don't believe in "meant to be" anymore...not in love, anyway. I think that was more painful than the actual breakup because it showed me I couldn't trust my own judgement (if you can call it that). Link to post Share on other sites
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