Playing "hard to get" vs. total disinterest

[recklesskelly]

Tossing up another topic for an open discussion. What are the telltale signs that a man or woman is playing "hard to get" vs. showing a lack of interest in you? I'm sure this will spawn jokes, but I hope we get plenty of serious, experienced answers.

 

For example, a girl gives you her number and invites you to text her whenever you want. She never texts you but will respond instantly and politely when you send a message. Playing hard to get or not?

[rafallus]

I don't really bother investigating. If it means I'm losing valid prospects, so be it - they are probably not the prospects I want in the end anyway.

[Pasttense]

Why don't you just ask her for a date? That will tell you.

Edited September 16, 2011 by Pasttense

[betterdeal]

Uninterested, not disinterested.

[recklesskelly]

See, I don't like games, but the reality is a lot of people play them for a variety of reasons. I've known women who like being chased, so they'll throw a guy just enough interest to keep them digging for more. That can be frustrating because it makes the desirability meter difficult to read.

[recklesskelly]

Uninterested, not disinterested.

 

Are you responding to the text example?

[KathyM]

Tossing up another topic for an open discussion. What are the telltale signs that a man or woman is playing "hard to get" vs. showing a lack of interest in you? I'm sure this will spawn jokes, but I hope we get plenty of serious, experienced answers.

 

For example, a girl gives you her number and invites you to text her whenever you want. She never texts you but will respond instantly and politely when you send a message. Playing hard to get or not?

She's interested--not playing hard to get, if she gives you her number, invites you to text her, and responds promptly to your texts. She doesn't initiate the texts herself because girls are not normally the pursuers until they've been in the relationship for a while. They don't want to appear aggressive. That's not lack of interest or playing hard to get. It's just the normal course for girls.

 

Signs a girl is playing hard to get: She's not always available to go on dates when you ask. When you ask her, she doesn't make an alternative suggestion if she is legitimately not available that day. She'll go out with you sometimes, but not frequently. She's slow to respond to your Emails, texts or phone calls.

 

Signs a girl is not interested: She doesn't respond to your Emails, texts or phone calls, or she makes minimal effort to respond, and it's very limited when she does (she's just being polite and trying not to hurt your feelings). She makes excuses why she can't go out, and never suggests an alternative.

 

The difference between the two is that when you do communicate with the girl who is interested, but playing hard to get, is that she will seem friendly and talk about future plans with you. She's just not going to make it appear that she's too available. A girl who is not interested will never appear available, will always have an excuse why she can't go out with you, and won't ask you much about yourself, because she's not interested in getting to know you. If the girl is only interested in a friendship, she'll appear friendly, but will talk to you about other guys she's seeing, or a boyfriend, and will refer to you as a friend.

[Easyguy14]

Tossing up another topic for an open discussion. What are the telltale signs that a man or woman is playing "hard to get" vs. showing a lack of interest in you? I'm sure this will spawn jokes, but I hope we get plenty of serious, experienced answers.

 

For example, a girl gives you her number and invites you to text her whenever you want. She never texts you but will respond instantly and politely when you send a message. Playing hard to get or not?

 

the hard to get stuff mostly happens with younger girls like teens to early 20s. it usually stops when a woman hits her 30s but there's still games of another sort to deal with.

[recklesskelly]

She's interested--not playing hard to get, if she gives you her number, invites you to text her, and responds promptly to your texts. She doesn't initiate the texts herself because girls are not normally the pursuers until they've been in the relationship for a while. They don't want to appear aggressive. That's not lack of interest or playing hard to get. It's just the normal course for girls.

 

Signs a girl is playing hard to get: She's not always available to go on dates when you ask. When you ask her, she doesn't make an alternative suggestion if she is legitimately not available that day. She'll go out with you sometimes, but not frequently. She's slow to respond to your Emails, texts or phone calls.

 

Signs a girl is not interested: She doesn't respond to your Emails, texts or phone calls, or she makes minimal effort to respond, and it's very limited when she does (she's just being polite and trying not to hurt your feelings). She makes excuses why she can't go out, and never suggests an alternative.

 

The difference between the two is that when you do communicate with the girl who is interested, but playing hard to get, is that she will seem friendly and talk about future plans with you. She's just not going to make it appear that she's too available. A girl who is not interested will never appear available, will always have an excuse why she can't go out with you, and won't ask you much about yourself, because she's not interested in getting to know you. If the girl is only interested in a friendship, she'll appear friendly, but will talk to you about other guys she's seeing, or a boyfriend, and will refer to you as a friend.

That's an outstanding answer, Kathy! Do you think personality plays into it, also? Take the girl who comes off as pretty tough on the exterior...someone who might say "thanks" when you compliment her but leaves the guy wondering if, deep down, they really appreciated the kind words? Almost as if they don't want to appear too vulnerable. I have a friend like that who often downplays compliments, but every so often, she'll crack a playful smile or say something like, "that was sweet." Wish she'd respond like that more often, but of course everyone is different.

[KathyM]

That's an outstanding answer, Kathy! Do you think personality plays into it, also? Take the girl who comes off as pretty tough on the exterior...someone who might say "thanks" when you compliment her but leaves the guy wondering if, deep down, they really appreciated the kind words? Almost as if they don't want to appear too vulnerable. I have a friend like that who often downplays compliments, but every so often, she'll crack a playful smile or say something like, "that was sweet." Wish she'd respond like that more often, but of course everyone is different.

Personality could play a part to some extent, but I think regardless of the girl's personality, the characteristics I listed in my prior post pretty much hold true regardless. And it is true, that some people don't know how to accept a compliment with grace or gratitude. Not really a sign of disinterest or playing hard to get if they have a quirky way of responding to compliments.

[recklesskelly]

It can be interesting to observe the ebb and flow of interactions. This girl I like will sometimes be aggressive and ask me to hang out, then sometimes she won't say much of anything to me. Can't tell if it's her being unsure of her feelings about me or just playing the game. I suspect she wants to see if I'll chase her, but I'm about to turn the table. I really won't be able to tell how she feels until I put a little distance between us. If she doesn't come looking for me after awhile, that will be my answer.

[April72]

I think if she's responding she's interesting on some level. If not she wouldn't respond at all. Some girls just like to be pursued.

[recklesskelly]

I think if she's responding she's interesting on some level. If not she wouldn't respond at all. Some girls just like to be pursued.

 

Yeah, she always responds and is really nice. Perhaps it's too much to expect her to text me, although I do get why that might be the case. She bought me breakfast this past Monday, which was sweet. Other days, though, she won't talk to me at all and will leave work without saying goodbye. I probably look too much into that, though - she's got a lot going on in her life, so the fact that I get any attention is probably good.

[betterdeal]

Are you responding to the text example?

 

No, I was not.

[recklesskelly]

She wasn't at work the last two days, so I texted her to see if she was ok. She responded right away saying she's had a fever and was going back to sleep. Wished me a nice weekend, though, which was sweet considering I woke her up. She doesn't respond overly flirtatious, but the replies still mean a lot to me. Sometimes I think she's still being cautious with me, but that's probably better than coming off as desperate or emotionally weak (which she definitely isn't).

[recklesskelly]

Last week, she bought me breakfast one day and wanted to take a break with me on another day when I know she was busy. Is this just being nice or flirting?

[rafallus]

Good rule of thumb is to reward potential signs of interest with some affection, then you'll see by how she reacts.

 

It's really no use to wonder otherwise.

[recklesskelly]

Good rule of thumb is to reward potential signs of interest with some affection, then you'll see by how she reacts.

 

It's really no use to wonder otherwise.

 

Gosh, I'd really love to...I want to play with her hair or something to see her reaction. But, since we work together, I think we both have to tread very lightly. It's a different dynamic when you see each other every day. She "accidentally" touches my arm or hand now and again, and maybe I could try doing the same.

[oaks]

What are the telltale signs that a man or woman is playing "hard to get" vs. showing a lack of interest in you? I'm sure this will spawn jokes, but I hope we get plenty of serious, experienced answers.

 

The only difference between a woman playing hard to get and a woman who isn't interested is that you made the wrong assessment about the first and the right about the second.

 

You can decide for yourself if this is a joke or a serious answer.

[Casablanca]

I don't really bother investigating. If it means I'm losing valid prospects, so be it - they are probably not the prospects I want in the end anyway.

This, playing games is immature and not the type of woman or should I say girl I want to be with.

 

If she responds to you, makes suggestions, she is intersted....

[phineas]

Tossing up another topic for an open discussion. What are the telltale signs that a man or woman is playing "hard to get" vs. showing a lack of interest in you? I'm sure this will spawn jokes, but I hope we get plenty of serious, experienced answers.

 

For example, a girl gives you her number and invites you to text her whenever you want. She never texts you but will respond instantly and politely when you send a message. Playing hard to get or not?

 

ask her to hang.

She either wants to or gives you a lame excuse.

it's really not that complicated.

[recklesskelly]

I wish it were that easy. I'm not one for games, either, and maybe she's not playing any. But, when a woman gives off contrasting mixed signals, you really need a good compass to read between the lines. That's why I plan on becoming scarce this week and giving her space. Might be able to gauge her interest better if she comes looking for me, right?