Another FWB in the horizon.. where have all the good man gone!

[Bgirl]

ALright Guys I just need to vent and tell my story. I feel this is a safe place

 

So in the past 3 years I have been struggling with finding a good man, relationship material, and I had to make a lot of chances to myself. I went on a 'dating hiatus' and decided to start dating again.

 

And here I go! I scored a date with a handsome doctor, with whom I have been on 2 dates so far. The guy is , obviosuly, confident about his status and he has it all. Got to say that he is not hot but he is charming.

 

I will summarize our last date. We went out to watch a show, then we went back to his place ( I know big mistake), danced, talked and drunk. When I was tipsy enough I ended up on his bed and next thing you know I was on top of him. I am so glad to announce that even though I was tipsy and hot I pushsed him back so many times and said NO. But he would keep jumping on top of me, even though I said no so many times, he was so persistant. When he finally got tired of trying he just turned around and went to sleep without even saying goodnite.

 

The following morning I woke up and I found a condom ready to be used on his night table. I was so shocked !!

 

I know it has been three weeks, but I can already feel the tension and anxiety, the racing and the dark thoughts.. " Why is it that this guy hasnt picked up the phone ONCE to call me? " "Why is it that he texts me only once per week and then goes MIA?

 

I don't even want to ask, I know what this guy is up to..I won't even try as I know what his intentions are. To be quiet honest I have gotten myself to the point where if you are not showing me affection and interest then I get turned off.... I gained some respect for myself.

 

But needless to say, and even though I have decided to NOT see this guy again because I want a relationship, I can't help but to feel sad and dissapointment. I am a good catch, I know it, my friends tell me, guys tell me, " Oh you are so sexy, charming , you have a big heart, a good career, you would make any man happy"

 

Then why is it that I can't find a decent man who will see me for me! Not just my flesh ... someone who will see me. And I am frankly tired of all the FWB guys. Guys that are stuck with baggage and that can't trust me because their ex was a psycho or that can't take me out for a nice dinner coz their ex was a golddiger.

 

I am done and all I want to know is what is happening to this world.. it seems as if no one is capable of doing relationships anymore.

 

I'm I doing anything to make guys categorize me as a FWB or this a phase that guys just go through ?

[BetheButterfly]

Sad to say, many people nowadays put love and sex into 2 different boxes. Many men feel safer just opening up the sex box and leaving the love box alone.

 

How more men can put love and sex into one box is if they themselves want to do it... so it's a matter of their hearts.

 

Many men and women do what they can get away with, and since nowadays in many cultures, men and women can just delve into the sex box without any love involved, they will do so.

 

It's not your fault. That's just how it is for some people. The people who put love and sex into one box are getting fewer and fewer it seems. Maybe someday other people will wake up. ?

 

Until then, I hope you find a man who wants love and sex with you. They are in short supply it's true, but they are out there...

[zengirl]

Well, I've slept next to a guy and not slept with him yet once I was already dating a guy (usually happens a few dates or so before sex for me but is actually discussed, so the guy knows we're just spending the night in the same place, not having sex), so I certainly don't find that odd, but what I do find odd on a 2nd date:

 

1.) You got so tipsy you were on top of him and had to be "proud" of yourself you didn't sleep with him (you were so tipsy you might've).

 

2.) You went back to his apartment on a 2nd date.

 

I mean, if a guy invites me back to his apartment on a 2nd date (in MOST cases---if he invites me to like a BBQ at his place he was having anyway or something, that's obviously fine), I would say, "Yes, he's looking for some fast sex."

 

The third date is appropriate to perhaps cook a meal at his or my place, but only if we know each other well enough/have mutual friends to know that we're somewhat looking for the same thing. And even then I'd not sleep over or get drunk there.

 

Now, you can act however you like, but if you want to have a certain dynamic (a serious relationship), I'd say there are certain ways to carry yourself (you can drink, but don't get drunk, etc) and certain normal habits to observe (hanging out in public and not getting horizontal). That's my advice at least.

 

There are plenty of guys out there who want relationships. I do not believe the idea that they are in short supply. I see them all the time and have never had trouble finding them. This guy likely wasn't one of them. But you also have to ACT like someone who wants a relationship as well, mostly because that will immediately keep away a good number of the players and you won't waste your time with them. Half the dating game is just culling the field and making sure the people you're with are on the same page as you.

[Bgirl]

@Zengirl I said I was proud of myself becuase even though I already made a mistake , to go back to his place and drink ( which I admit was a mistake in my post) I had the mental clarity to say no to sex, I didn't do the right thing there but saying no to sex saved me a lot of heartache, so yes Im proud for standing my ground there.

 

Yes it happened, we went to his place and we got tipsy, it wasnt my choice to lay on top of him. He layed me down and started forcing me to have sex with him... hence the reason why , again, yes terrible mistake. But this is how you learn.

 

Lesson learnt , you don;t go to a guy's place and drink on date two. But the point here is that this guy woulda tried something on date 4 or 5.. he would have tried a move on me anyways.

 

Are you telling me that if I woulda waited until date number 8 an gone to his place to play chess he woulda seen me as Gf material?

[Andy_K]

If a guy is looking for dating/relationship, he'll still be looking for that regardless of when you have sex with him.

 

Likewise, if a guy doesn't respect you after sex (or nearly-sex) then he didn't respect you beforehand either.

 

It all comes down to being able to judge someone's character. You don't do this by seeing when the guys wants to have sex, because pretty much all guys want sex. You do it by figuring out whether he has any genuine interest in you, finding out where he wants to be in a few years, etc.

[zengirl]

fifth date, not third date. keeps the fwb men away

 

I wasn't recommending she have sex on a third or fifth date. I personally wait quite a bit usually, but sex progresses at a generally natural rate.

 

@Zengirl I said I was proud of myself becuase even though I already made a mistake , to go back to his place and drink ( which I admit was a mistake in my post) I had the mental clarity to say no to sex, I didn't do the right thing there but saying no to sex saved me a lot of heartache, so yes Im proud for standing my ground there.

 

Oh, gotcha. I thought you were actually so tipsy it was a pleasing surprise you didn't have sex with him, which is worrisome. And yes, you should always stand your ground if you're not ready.

 

Yes it happened, we went to his place and we got tipsy, it wasnt my choice to lay on top of him. He layed me down and started forcing me to have sex with him... hence the reason why , again, yes terrible mistake. But this is how you learn.

 

He picked you up and put you on top of him? Gross.

 

I actually have a rule for the first few dates: Never get so drunk I couldn't drive home (if I have my car) and always have money for a taxi (if I don't), though I've never needed to bail. But in that case, I likely would. Definitely wouldn't sleep there. . . yuck.

 

Lesson learnt , you don;t go to a guy's place and drink on date two. But the point here is that this guy woulda tried something on date 4 or 5.. he would have tried a move on me anyways.

 

Are you telling me that if I woulda waited until date number 8 an gone to his place to play chess he woulda seen me as Gf material?

 

Oh, no, but I'm telling you that there's a way to totally avoid guys like that and it's coupling (a) a good people picker with (b) the way you carry yourself to the world. I know I've met some players, but they don't try to get me into bed because they know the score. (The exception would be the players who really go all out and chase and chase and do crazy **** and will keep it up for months on end without sex, but they're a whole different psychology and super rare. And I can spot them too, but they will occasionally try.)

 

My point was more YOUR choices affect how people see you. If you are making a choice to drink a lot on early dates or go over to a person's house that early, you are likely making other choices that influence picking and attracting such men.

 

Nobody wants to string a jerk guy along to try to turn him from a Player into a BF (it can be done, and I've seen girls with more inclination to try than I do it, but it's difficult and rare and annoying, and who wants to deal with it?), but my suggestion was to more look at why you're getting on dates with Players.

[musemaj11]

Another thread of a woman thinking that she is entitled to a man giving her a relationship.

 

Most women want quality while most men want quantity. Men are 'whores' who want all the women they can get just like women are 'gold diggers' for wanting men with the highest status they can get. Neither side has the right to judge whether what the other side doing is good or not.

 

Life is a battle of the sexes where women try their hardest to take away a man's freedom and force him to bind himself to only one woman and invest all his resources and time in her and her children while on the other hand men try their hardest to be able to have sex with as many young beautiful women as they possibly can and jump from one woman to another as they please.

Edited August 16, 2011 by musemaj11

[OliveOyl]

If a guy is looking for dating/relationship, he'll still be looking for that regardless of when you have sex with him.

 

Likewise, if a guy doesn't respect you after sex (or nearly-sex) then he didn't respect you beforehand either.

I agree. Avoiding sex on early dates doesn't prevent players/FWB situations. It just makes it more likely for you to spot those guys earlier on and get less attached. On the other hand, a relationship-minded guy isn't going to turn into a player because you slept with him on the 2nd or 3rd date.

[zengirl]

Another thread of a woman thinking that she is entitled to a man giving her a relationship.

 

Most women want quality while most men want quantity. Men are 'whores' who want all the women they can get just like women are 'gold diggers' for wanting men with the highest status they can get. Neither side has the right to judge whether what the other side doing is good or not.

 

Life is a battle of the sexes where women try their hardest to take away a man's freedom and force him to bind himself to only one woman and invest all his resources and time in her and her children while on the other hand men try their hardest to be able to have sex with as many young beautiful women as they possibly can and jump from one woman to another as they please.

 

Life is not a battle of the sexes, and many men would tell you both that quantity sucks compared to quality and that they want relationships. The OP is just meeting the wrong men.

[musemaj11]

Life is not a battle of the sexes, and many men would tell you both that quantity sucks compared to quality and that they want relationships. The OP is just meeting the wrong men.

Anthropology and reality disagree with you.

[zengirl]

Anthropology and reality disagree with you.

 

They actually don't. Humankind has been forming all kinds of significant relationships for ages.

[Feelsgoodman]

I will summarize our last date. We went out to watch a show, then we went back to his place ( I know big mistake), danced, talked and drunk. When I was tipsy enough I ended up on his bed and next thing you know I was on top of him. I am so glad to announce that even though I was tipsy and hot I pushsed him back so many times and said NO. But he would keep jumping on top of me, even though I said no so many times, he was so persistant. When he finally got tired of trying he just turned around and went to sleep without even saying goodnite.

So glad to announce...that you're a drunkard and a cock tease?? Going back to a guy's place, getting drunk, "somehow" ending up on his bed, jumping on top of him...and then pretending to be shocked that he wanted to have sex? How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

 

And you're surprised that you're having a hard time finding a "good man"?

[grkBoy]

The guy is , obviosuly, confident about his status and he has it all. Got to say that he is not hot but he is charming.

 

Be careful. Too many women will see ego and narcissism as "confidence". They'll think these guys are great because they come off as confident, but they fail to see their "confidence" is more a big ego and thus in their minds, the only person that matters is them...not any woman he gets with.

 

 

...then we went back to his place ( I know big mistake), danced, talked and drunk.

 

Always remember, when you're dating a guy, coming back to his place means he's going to try to get you into bed. Forget this thinking that a "gentleman" will wait or even ask "why can't we just hang out and not bang?"

 

If you go into his place in the initial stages of dating...expect him to try to get you naked and in his bed. Don't go to his place or bring him into yours until you're ready to go all the way.

 

 

When I was tipsy enough I ended up on his bed and next thing you know I was on top of him.

 

I won't scold you since it's been done enough. You invited yourself into the situation and thus set the precedent. When you pushed him away he pretty much decided you're the type who might use sex as an "exchange" for things. Especially if you're not in his income level of life, he's on the lookout for women who simply want his wallet.

 

I know you probably are "not like that", but he doesn't know. When I spoke of how I bought a condo in that other topic, I didn't mention that my selection criteria changed when it came to women. Most of that was because I'd see women near my own age who never went to college, live at home, and work a part-time job meant for a teenager. Yes these women are hot, but that's it...and they especially look for boyfriends they can quickly move in with, just because that's the only way they can get out of their parents' home.

 

Again, I don't know you personally so I don't know how your life is, but I speak all this to simply push the point that a doctor is going to be on the lookout for gold diggers, and thus his defenses are up. This one probably just wanted to bang you, but he could have seen you as "girlfriend potential". However, you pushing him away at that point made him wonder if this will be a running theme with you in life, and if he's narcissistic he probably figured he could "easily replace" you.

 

 

 

I am a good catch, I know it, my friends tell me, guys tell me, " Oh you are so sexy, charming , you have a big heart, a good career, you would make any man happy"

 

Then why is it that I can't find a decent man who will see me for me! Not just my flesh ... someone who will see me. And I am frankly tired of all the FWB guys. Guys that are stuck with baggage and that can't trust me because their ex was a psycho or that can't take me out for a nice dinner coz their ex was a golddiger.

 

I am done and all I want to know is what is happening to this world.. it seems as if no one is capable of doing relationships anymore.

 

I'm I doing anything to make guys categorize me as a FWB or this a phase that guys just go through ?

 

I've known many women whom I'll even say are beautiful, charming, etc...but they still do things that get them lumped into the world of being seen as "good for sex" and not as "girlfriend potential".

 

Here are my suggestions:

 

1. SLOW DOWN. Like I said earlier, don't go into his place or bring him into your place unless you're ready to go all the way with him.
   
2. WATCH HOW YOU DRESS. I'm not saying for you to ugly yourself up, but many of these women I've known who go through your troubles tend to dress sexy. They say it makes them feel good, but in the eyes of men they look "easy".
   
3. WATCH HOW YOU ACT. If you tend to be a party girl type with a "mouth", then guys will think you spread your legs easily. Just because you say you aren't "like that" doesn't mean guys will instantly know it.
   
4. BE REALISTIC ON MEN. If you're tending to go for guys with massive egos, bits of narcissism, shallow yuppies, bad boys, ladies men, etc...then expect this behavior. You might want to think about the guys who can't easily get a woman into bed. A decent or even good looking one who perhaps is a bit "nice guy" and thus will respect you. If you're hopelessly attracted only to more narcissistic types, then it'll be a tough road.
   

A guy who has loads of easy options won't see a reason to commit or even be good to a girl. I've even seen one guy literally tell a girl he could kick her out of his condo, go clubbing, and come home with another slut to bang...and she'll do anything to get him to commit. I know this sounds vile, but it is true...he did end it with the girl and find a plethora of easy replacements. All because he was very good looking, had money, a cocky sense of charm, and thus could manipulate women easily.

 

If you happen to be meeting shades of this, then rethink it all. You won't get guys like that to commit. Not when he can easily replace someone.

[Bgirl]

musemaj11 I disagree with this statement, I don't think I am entittled to a man giving me a relationship... nope is a two way street I'm entittled to give and to have someone that will want to receive and give back to me.. is not even an entittlement.. is a part of being human and wanting intimacy.

 

 

Yes, I feel so gross because now I'm thinking that he probably planned the evening that way. He invited me to a show, he took me back home ( nd I said yes ) he knew I was a lighweight and all he did was give me two shots of tequila and that was enough to get me all happy. I think that even though I did put my half for accepting, he still falls under the player category... I think that no decent man ( even if all want sex) will try to push a woman for sex this early on.

 

I have actually found that some of the relationships that I see around me have decided to wait for sex, relationship material man are more hesitant to make a first move thsi early on becuase they don't want to seem disrespectful .. I'm I wrong ?? Maybe I'm just being too trusty and I assume that all men will respect my wish and hence accepted to go over to his place.

 

I coulda avoided this incident but this man is still a player in my books. I mean I said no many times and I had to push him aside and yet he had a condom ready ?

[Bgirl]

@feelsgoodman Yeah if you want to call me a drunkie and a cock tease go ahead. I know I only had two drinks and didnt get drunk .. I was just tipsy. And let me make it clear that I didn't tesae him, he pushed me down on his bed. Let me also make it clear that I clearly said no! And pushed him aside and yet HE insisted and took his shirt off. Let then remind you that even though I kept sayign no, he then took his pants off and I had to put his hands aside many times and just push him aside and leave.

 

I didn't jump on top of him. Let me make that clear. I'm not that stupid to sit on a cock and then ask myself .. oh why did he want sex? Well he jumped his cock on me.

 

As per my age, I'm not displaying it. There is no need for it. I clealry said I made a mistake but that DOESNT entittle him either to be forceful.

[Bgirl]

at grkboy.. Thank you! I know you have said a lot of good things and to answer your question, I am proud that I have a good job and he knows I am doing well for myself. We went for icecream after the show and I paid. I thought it was only fair after two dinners and a show.

 

 

I don't dress to look like a skank. In fact on Friday I saw him after work, I was wearing a work dress, covered up enough and decent lenght.

 

I think my problem is number 3.. going after narcissistic guys with huge egos. I don't even know why I'm attracted to that 'confidence' . It's not money I'm looking for, all this guys know that I am doing well and I have even dated guys who make less money than me. Is all in the character of the guys that I am choosing. He doesnt need to be a doctor with the status, I have dated bank tellers who end up being cocky about being a teller.

[Feelsgoodman]

@feelsgoodman Yeah if you want to call me a drunkie and a cock tease go ahead. I know I only had two drinks and didnt get drunk .. I was just tipsy. And let me make it clear that I didn't tesae him, he pushed me down on his bed. Let me also make it clear that I clearly said no! And pushed him aside and yet HE insisted and took his shirt off. Let then remind you that even though I kept sayign no, he then took his pants off and I had to put his hands aside many times and just push him aside and leave.

 

I didn't jump on top of him. Let me make that clear. I'm not that stupid to sit on a cock and then ask myself .. oh why did he want sex? Well he jumped his cock on me.

 

As per my age, I'm not displaying it. There is no need for it. I clealry said I made a mistake but that DOESNT entittle him either to be forceful.

First you said that one thing led to another and you somehow ended up in his bed...on top of him. Now you are saying that he basically tried to rape you. Quite an inconsistent account of events, which raises doubt as to the veracity of your story.

 

Also, your excuse of being a "lightweight" doesn't hold water. If you know that you have a low alcohol tolerance, don't drink (especially when you are alone with a guy who clearly wants to have sex with you). You are, presumably, an adult. Ever thought of accepting responsibility for your actions?

 

Speaking of which, when he invited you to go back to his place, it was clearly an invitation to have sex. If you didn't want to sleep with the guy, you should have declined. You can't blame him for never calling you again. He likely feels confused, frustrated and rejected. So yes, you are definitely a cock tease.

[zengirl]

Always remember, when you're dating a guy, coming back to his place means he's going to try to get you into bed. Forget this thinking that a "gentleman" will wait or even ask "why can't we just hang out and not bang?"

 

I don't necessarily agree with this whole "he's obviously going to try to get you into bed" thing. It does all depend on circumstances.

 

I have spent time at every guy's house I've ever dated before banging him (long before in many cases) and before he ever attempted such a move. As I said, I've even slept over in some cases, though it was clear nothing untoward would happen. And I would say be careful with those unless you KNOW the guy is a good guy and you're on the same page. But I find it common in relatively early dates (3-10) to make dinner at one place, or hang around for a reason, or whatnot. I first saw my current BF's place on our 6th date, and we went back after dinner to watch a movie there so I could see his place/meet his pets/etc. He'd been into my house (briefly, for 30 minutes or so and an espresso) after a date as well. He didn't attempt anything near sex, nor would I have allowed it.

 

I find that guys who want relationships will basically allow the woman to take the lead in advancing physicality to a degree. He'll initiate the first kiss, but he totally waits for the signal. He'll invite certain things, but he moves very slowly and cautiously, making sure not to offend her and that they're on the same page. The men who view themselves as a pure gas pedal and think the woman should be the brake, if there is to be one, they are really not relationship-material guys. Relationship material guys aren't necessarily going to say no if you jump on top of them, of course, but they're going to be cautious and try to be seemly in all things. This guy sounds unseemly.

 

When you pushed him away he pretty much decided you're the type who might use sex as an "exchange" for things. Especially if you're not in his income level of life, he's on the lookout for women who simply want his wallet.

 

What does his wallet have to do with what the OP detailed? He invited her back and offered her shots. He wouldn't have done so if he hadn't thought he could get laid, probably, and he's probably annoyed he didn't get laid, but I don't see how he views her as a golddigger. Maybe a tease (not saying she is, if he's the one throwing her on top of him, but at least that view has some relation to the story). Did she ask for money?

 

I don't disagree with some of your points, but I don't think this guy was worried about his money at all. He just probably wants to get laid.

 

Yes, I feel so gross because now I'm thinking that he probably planned the evening that way. He invited me to a show, he took me back home ( nd I said yes ) he knew I was a lighweight and all he did was give me two shots of tequila and that was enough to get me all happy.

 

Why are you doing shots on a date? If a guy offered me a shot on a date, I think I'd take that as my cue to go home.

 

I think that even though I did put my half for accepting, he still falls under the player category... I think that no decent man ( even if all want sex) will try to push a woman for sex this early on.

 

Personally, I don't think a man wanting just sex makes him indecent. It just makes him incompatible with me. And perhaps you. But how was this guy to know you wanted a relationship and didn't want to have sex outside it? Did you discuss it? I guess I don't see how he tricked you. He gave you several clear "I want sex tonight" signs that I can see, and hopefully that you will see next time they happen. People are complex, and besides wanting to have sex with someone is not wrong.

 

Trying to pull you on top of him or whatever is wrong, sure. Clearly, he didn't violate you in any way. So he sounds kind of gross for keeping trying past when you indicated it was not going to happen (assuming you did so clearly). But his merely WANTING sex that early and expressing that and trying to make it happen. . . those things are perfectly okay. A guy doesn't have to want a relationship if he doesn't want one. So, it really depends what actually happened between you two to how he falls on that scale.

 

He sounds rather dense if you were saying no and he had a condom ready and also a bit dangerous. Next time, once you start seeing warning signs, don't stay there! Worse could happen.

[musemaj11]

at grkboy.. Thank you! I know you have said a lot of good things and to answer your question, I am proud that I have a good job and he knows I am doing well for myself. We went for icecream after the show and I paid. I thought it was only fair after two dinners and a show.

Yea, $2 ice cream was totally fair.

[Feelsgoodman]

Yea, $2 ice cream was totally fair.

lol!

 

Some women have a funny idea of fairness...

[Bgirl]

I am taking responsability for my actions. I clearly admitted I made a mistake and you guys keep rubbing that on my face.I clearly said I had to change a lot already to at least get to the point of denying sex if I ditdnt fele confortabel to, even if I 'invited' it by going to his place.

 

And yes I do agree that if I am lighweight I should just say no and stay away. Lesson learnt next time I will accept apple juice

 

As for the 2$ icecream, to me the intention counts... and I never said that I wouldn't have paid for dinner in the future. I know I am not a goldigger.

 

Of course he is feeling frustrated, he was hard and he tried many times and I rejected him. It then goes back back to what Zen girl said, no a "what do you want " was never discussed, it was the second date and I just wanted to let things transition naturally.Of course, we did the wrong thing.. he assumed I wanted sex by going to his place and fool little me assumed that he would respect me.

 

No a man wanting just sex doesnt make him indecent if he wants that then U respect that, but not with me, and he shouldnt have forced himself like that. I did stayed over and drink but I never had an intention of teasing him, never.

[grkBoy]

I don't necessarily agree with this whole "he's obviously going to try to get you into bed" thing. It does all depend on circumstances.

 

I hear you, but for safety's sake a woman should assume generally that most guys will think "sex" when he gets the woman into his den.

 

My fiance's first night over we just slept...and I told her I wasn't ready. I tend to think of myself as "different" from most guys. I wanted a RL and wanted to go all the way when I felt ready. Plus I cannot separate hormone from emotion...so if I lay a girl then it means I want things to develop into more.

 

Most guys though are not like me...hence why I'd just warn women, especially bgirl to be careful when coming into a man's home.

 

 

 

What does his wallet have to do with what the OP detailed? He invited her back and offered her shots. He wouldn't have done so if he hadn't thought he could get laid, probably, and he's probably annoyed he didn't get laid, but I don't see how he views her as a golddigger. Maybe a tease (not saying she is, if he's the one throwing her on top of him, but at least that view has some relation to the story). Did she ask for money?

 

I don't disagree with some of your points, but I don't think this guy was worried about his money at all. He just probably wants to get laid.

 

Think deeper. In my travels, whenever I met guys like the one bgirl described, they generally care about themselves, but also see sex with women as part of their ego boost. They are narcissistic and see their wealth, physical features, and how easily they can lay women as part of their sense of self-importance.

 

I don't know if this came into his mind...but I've seen plenty in his income bracket talk like making money is everything and women can be bought and sold, even educated career women.

 

Many of us men (even the ones who aren't making massive money) have been pushed by our fathers and other men to be careful when it comes to women. Ever since puberty. We're told now not to look kindly on women who want a husband who will "take care of her", and to be careful of tricks some women play...like using sex as a negotiation currency for things.

 

NOW...I am NOT saying bgirl is like this, but I imagine if I was one of those men, thinking I am God's gift to women or can brag how easily I can pick up women, or even thinking I'm a doctor and thus women will want me...I'll then look badly on a woman who pushes me away. I'll think she's probably going to withhold sex from me unless I buy her stuff or do her bidding. I'd think think about some skank or someone I saw in the club or somewhere that I should probably concentrate on more...and forget this girl who just rejected my advances.

 

Does this sound ridiculous? Hell yeah...but this is what many men do. I'm not trying to demean women, but help you and bgirl understand how a lot of guys think. This is why I even tell women to be careful about men they friendzone...because if they choose to remain "just friends" there is a good chance he's only going to keep trying for more.

[Feelsgoodman]

I am taking responsability for my actions. I clearly admitted I made a mistake and you guys keep rubbing that on my face.I clearly said I had to change a lot already to at least get to the point of denying sex if I ditdnt fele confortabel to, even if I 'invited' it by going to his place.

 

And yes I do agree that if I am lighweight I should just say no and stay away. Lesson learnt next time I will accept apple juice

 

As for the 2$ icecream, to me the intention counts... and I never said that I wouldn't have paid for dinner in the future. I know I am not a goldigger.

 

Of course he is feeling frustrated, he was hard and he tried many times and I rejected him. It then goes back back to what Zen girl said, no a "what do you want " was never discussed, it was the second date and I just wanted to let things transition naturally.Of course, we did the wrong thing.. he assumed I wanted sex by going to his place and fool little me assumed that he would respect me.

 

No a man wanting just sex doesnt make him indecent if he wants that then U respect that, but not with me, and he shouldnt have forced himself like that. I did stayed over and drink but I never had an intention of teasing him, never.

The funny thing about the whole situation is that the guy wasn't necessarily interested in a one night stand. And he likely would have continued dating you had you declined to go home with him that night. Likewise, he would have likely continued dating you if you had sex with him. You screwed it up by initially acting like you were DTF and then putting the brakes on last minute. You can't really blame the lack of good men for this one.

 

Oh well, hopefully this will be a learning experience.

[Richard Friedman]

"BE REALISTIC ON MEN. If you're tending to go for guys with massive egos, bits of narcissism, shallow yuppies, bad boys, ladies men, etc...then expect this behavior. You might want to think about the guys who can't easily get a woman into bed. A decent or even good looking one who perhaps is a bit "nice guy" and thus will respect you. If you're hopelessly attracted only to more narcissistic types, then it'll be a tough road."

 

Good advice. If you want to lock down a high status guy you're going to have to be high status yourself. Don't listen to your friends on this; they're your friends for a reason and though it may be well intentioned, their "evaluations" of you might not be fully honest. Friends tend to pander to your ego instead giving an objective opinion much of the time. There's never a problem with you, and the other guy is immature, a fool,. whatever. Even if you are beautiful, in cities like LA, New York beautiful women are a dime a dozen. I know some guys who do medicine in NY(Jewish of course lol) and they date multiple nurses who're educated and beautiful, and it's an open secret. When they go clubbing the more douchebaggy ones where the _,_ MD cards and clean up. Pretty much these guys are minicelebrities and in the hospital they're gods. The ones who aren't socially retarded have crazy options, and they know it.

[Bgirl]

"The funny thing about the whole situation is that the guy wasn't necessarily interested in a one night stand. And he likely would have continued dating you had you declined to go home with him that night. Likewise, he would have likely continued dating you if you had sex with him. You screwed it up by initially acting like you were DTF and then putting the brakes on last minute. You can't really blame the lack of good men for this one"

 

 

Yep maybe... and that just falls like one million bricks on me.It hurts,maybe I'm the one steering relationships this way Maybe I turned a genuily interested guy into a confused and rejected one.. and that is worse :*(