verhrzn Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Hello everyone. First time poster and I'd really like some advice. I've spent most of my life thinking I'm very physically unattractive. I didn't get my first kiss until my freshman year of college. In high school, some of the kids actually locked me inside a locker because they said I was "too ugly to look at." People would offer to sign my year book and then write," Ugly people like you should kill themselves." Even my mother says," You're average looking, and that's fine; that's nothing wrong with being average." I've tried to just accept this, and just deal with what I was given, but sometimes it seems I'll never be able to escape being ugly. I'll sit down with a group of women for lunch, and they all start "complaining" about how much attention men give them... I absolutely NEVER get flirted with or catcalled. Strangers are friendly, but absolutely never flirt. I've never been catcalled or whistled or hit on. I feel like I'm some sort of freak, because according to most people, all you need to be attractive to guys is a pulse. Well I have a pulse and yet even drunken nerds who spent the last hour complaining about how girls never like them will act repulsed by me. This wouldn't be so bad if I could make up for my ugliness with my personality. But even that doesn't seem to be enough. The last two guys I dated were for six months each. They BOTH said they liked my personality, yet dumped me for being ugly. This isn't paranoid... they said it straight out. The last one dumped me via voice mail by saying," I like you but you're physically unattractive, so, have a good one." And yet, through all this, no one will just confirm that I'm ugly. My friends all roll their eyes and tell me I'm being insecure. How can this be insecurity?? When can I finally KNOW I'm ugly? And how do I finally accept it? And since I know people will ask, this is me at my very best: http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a70/vertical_sky/me_bodyshape.jpg
GivenUp0083 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 What the ****? Is this a joke? I'd take you out on a date. People can be cruel, you just gotta say eff em and do your thing. Any chance you live in the Chicago area? lol
Author verhrzn Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 You are a 7. Definitely not ugly. A 7 when I'm all dressed up means I'm a 5 or below when not, so at best I'm average. If I'm not ugly, then why did I get dumped... twice?... for being unattractive? Why do I never ever get flirted with or hit on?
SnowandStars Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Not ugly at all! However, if you want to get noticed, I'd suggest growing your hair out some, wearing makeup, and maybe getting highlights. Men are visual and it is important that you stand out. Stepping up your game in terms of makeup, hair, and fashion can add extra points!
AmericanHoney Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 You are not ugly! People can be so mean I swear.....
Author verhrzn Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Not ugly at all! However, if you want to get noticed, I'd suggest growing your hair out some, wearing makeup, and maybe getting highlights. Men are visual and it is important that you stand out. Stepping up your game in terms of makeup, hair, and fashion can add extra points! I am wearing make-up in that picture, and I can't grow my hair out. (I have really thin, oily hair, so growing it long just makes it look limp.)
musemaj11 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 (edited) A 7 when I'm all dressed up means I'm a 5 or below when not, so at best I'm average. If I'm not ugly, then why did I get dumped... twice?... for being unattractive? Why do I never ever get flirted with or hit on? Err ... most women are ugly without any make up. Also if you call that picture of you being dressed up, then I say you need to raise your fashion sense. Edited June 15, 2011 by musemaj11
Queen Zenobia Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 What the...? Ugly?! Is this opposite day or something? Or a joke? Seriously you're a good looking gal. You're not ugly, just insecure. I don't blame you for being insecure though...if I had people be that cruel to me growing up I'd probably be insecure too. Wow, the world can be pretty messed up sometimes...
Rinnix Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 The way you described yourself I was expecting to see a troll. Honestly I think you're pretty! Those guys were just looking to be spiteful! I've had numerous people put me down for my appearance in the past, it's effected the way I see myself today. People will tell me I'm gorgeous, but I'll just see what I used to be. We both have to drop this mindset! The posters here are very honest, they think you look good, accept it.
SnowandStars Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I am wearing make-up in that picture, and I can't grow my hair out. (I have really thin, oily hair, so growing it long just makes it look limp.) Ah. Well I think the makeup looks a bit too plain and you can work the short hair with a nice cut. Highlights will work wonders. Or you could try extensions. Update the fashion a bit and work on the midsection. I've been in your shoes feeling ugly and whatnot but it turned out to be less about ugly and more about plain jane. I explained my feelings to this older woman once and she bluntly told me I needed to "clean up a bit." I took her advice and feel much prettier! I'm always on Youtube trying to learn new makeup techniques or getting ideas for hairstyles. There are also many websites where you can get online fashion tips. I'm putting some time and effort into working out so I can get the type of sexy, toned body that will stand out. You have to work with what you have and I think you have a nice "clean state" with which to start. You aren't ugly at all!
runner Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 i was expecting a haggard unnattractive woman. seriously i'd blush a little bit if you flirted with me
Tybalt Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Agree with other posters. I couldn't get a date until college and I disliked many things about myself. I was too tall, too gangly, too pale, etc. I wanted to be a blonde, or darker skinned, anything but what I was. It is all in your mind. You can always do things to maximize your assets, but the most important thing is your own inner confidence. These guys said those things because they were weak themselves and knew that the quickest way to shut you down was to prey on your own deepest insecurities. I guarantee that if you saw yourself accurately it would not happen that way. And, if you saw yourself truthfully, you would not be attracting the kind of guy that would behave that way in the first place. Dumping you over the phone after six months of dating? That right there is a sign of disrespect. Expect better and you'll receive it. We've all seen women who weren't models get treated wonderfully. And we've all seen beautiful girls get mucked about with by jerks. It IS about you, but not in the way you're assuming. I'd start by surrounding yourself with more supportive people and focusing on the things that make you feel the best about yourself and the most positively unique.
youngskywalker Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Expect better and you'll receive it. We've all seen women who weren't models get treated wonderfully. And we've all seen beautiful girls get mucked about with by jerks. It IS about you, all boils down to that...
Lilmisus Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I too was expecting someone horrendous, with the way you built up how "ugly" you are. My jaw seriously dropped when I saw your picture, since it was the total opposite of what I was expecting Though, I'm curious, how do you typically look if you feel that that's you at your best? Which by the way, you're best is pretty great! Since I believe in being completely honest to people even if it hurts, especially when they ask about how they look, I'm going to give some honest pointers : -Work on your hair a bit. You said that you can't grow it out, but I'd ask your hairstylist what you can do with it. Though it looks cute in the picture, I think it more so has to do with the angle than the style itself. Maybe highlights? Different color? Change the bangs style? Grow it out a bit more, but not too much? Do something, and have someone help you decide. -The picture is way too foggy to tell how much makeup you have on, and how bad (if you have any at all) your blemishes or any other facial flaw you may have, so I can't really say too much about makeup. But, even though you did a great job of it for this picture, I'd regardless go to the mall or someplace and have them do your makeup for you, and give you makeup pointers and tips on how to keep nice healthy skin. Not everyone needs makeup, so I can't tell if you even do or don't need it, but regardless I'd try it out (which I did, and it helped a lot). Where I live, they do it for free, but I don't know about where you live at, or if they do it that way everywhere. -Your styles great. If you don't have more outfits like the one you have in this picture, go out and get some more. Maybe wear more jewelry, like a necklace or something? It really adds to some outfits, and I think that a simple white gold chain would have looked gorgeous on you with that top. -You are not fat by any means at all, but I think you could use some toning up. I think that if you had a more toned up midsection, then you'd be beating the guys off of you. Seriously, you look very attractive, but I think that that could be holding you back from going from a 7 to an 8. -Smile! It works. Trust me. I honestly feel that that's the best feature that anyone could have (and it's what I consider to be my best feature, and I use it every chance I can..people love it, guys do too ). Even for those who are absolutely hideous, which you are not. A smile can make an average looking girl (or below average) look like a million bucks. And at the same time, it can make a very attractive girl who isn't smiling, look way less attractive. So work that smile! I would love to see a picture with you smiling in it, so I could get a look at how you look with it on Plus, just smiling can make you feel happier, and more confident in yourself! But...what we really need is a more clear photo, of how you typically look and feel to be able to give you some hardcore advice. This picture is too foggy and you're too done up to be able to tell. But hey..you look like a million bucks in this picture, so oh well! Best of luck! (Oh and side note! I didn't date my first "real" boyfriend till the last semester of my sophomore year in college. You are NOT alone in that sense at all.)
Intergalactic Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 not ugly at all. stop thinking negatively about yourself! i feel awful about the way people treated you throughout school and stuff though, that's crap. anyway, if anything i would try to jazz up your look a bit more (if you feel comfortable with that). try out applying different styles of make up in the mirror and see if something suits (like i don't really do lipstick but i have big eyes so i accentuate them when i go out at night) and buy a couple of nice dresses that make you feel REALLY good. and maybe colour your hair or get it cut into a more modern style. ugh, i bet i'm sounding really offensive here. i don't mean to, you ARE pretty, but i just feel like you dress and therefore look older than you probably are.
Alan Guillermo Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 you are not ugly... if you call yourself ugly then you really have not seen ugly. Its probably your insecurities
Star Gazer Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I use that same hand soap, so I know your hands smell nice. And you curl your lashes, and wear an appropriate color lip gloss. And NO, you're not ugly! Sheesh.
somedude81 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Didn't we have one of these yesterday? There should be a forum for all the "Am I ugly threads" so everybody can post there and reassure themselves how pretty each other is.
Lilmisus Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Didn't we have one of these yesterday? There should be a forum for all the "Am I ugly threads" so everybody can post there and reassure themselves how pretty each other is. Agreed. I think it'd blow up with posts though since everyone (especially those who just google "how to figure out if you're ugly" and find their way to it) would post there for a bit of encouragement. I'm tempted to just post my picture and see if anyone has any advice for me, just to follow the trend
Rinnix Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Agreed. I think it'd blow up with posts though since everyone (especially those who just google "how to figure out if you're ugly" and find their way to it) would post there for a bit of encouragement. I'm tempted to just post my picture and see if anyone has any advice for me, just to follow the trend I'm sure all of us has had our moments where we don't like what we see. We could be a super model to the world, doesn't mean we'll always see ourselves that way. I think it's a great thing to give someone a compliment when it's well needed, it can bring someones day from bad, to good.
welikeincrowds Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 You also have two very generous gifts, which I'm willing to bet a lot of men perv over blatantly and you just haven't noticed (which is probably a good thing).
Lilmisus Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I'm sure all of us has had our moments where we don't like what we see. We could be a super model to the world, doesn't mean we'll always see ourselves that way. I think it's a great thing to give someone a compliment when it's well needed, it can bring someones day from bad, to good. I completely agree. You know..that's why I'm constantly complimenting people I see around me. I try to give at least three compliments a day to people. Friends, strangers, customers, coworkers, it doesn't matter. I know how great it makes me feel when someone says they like how I did my hair that day, or they like my smile or whatever I'm wearing, so I always try to pay it forward..even for no other reason than just to see the person smile. It makes both them and me feel great
Arikel Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 There was this story of an ugly princess who wanted a spell to look beautiful. Magicians came from all over and failed to make her lovely and beloved. One day a poor peddler came to the palace and gave her a small, unassuming rock. He told her that it was a very special magic rock, and all she had to do was to hold it every morning and smile into the mirror. Disbelieving yet desperate, the princess did as she was instructed, and lo and behold, people started smiling and complimenting her, and she got married to a nice, handsome prince The princess looked high and low for the peddler, to return the magic rock. But the peddler laughed, and told her to toss the rock back into the river where it came from. It was always just an ordinary riverstone. The magic came from within herself when she smiled. So there we go! Self confidence, and smileleeeeeeeeeee!
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