indija Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Ok, here goes. We met cute a week (!) ago, situation potentially awkward, but were immediately (and I mean immediately) drawn to each other. We, um, acted on our attraction as soon as we could, and are now trying to get to know each other. It’s kind of been going back and forth a bit (we’re both scared and neither one of us is in the best place for a relationship right now), but so far very mutual and, this may sound silly, but it’s really, really nice. We’ve both been burned and been through a lot, and we’re probably either each other’s worst nightmare or most fantastic dream come true. Hence the trying to get to know each other part. My question is, and I’ve probably answered it in the first paragraph, last night we went to dinner and it was great and he was really affectionate and sweet and then we went back to my place to snuggle and watch a movie. He was playing with my hair, touching my face, holding on to me really tight. I was enjoying the closeness and watching the movie, laughing. He asked me what I was thinking, and I said “nothing, really, just enjoying.” I asked him what HE was thinking, and he said “just wondering what you were thinking.” I thought that was cute and kissed him and snuggled back up and he held me even tighter. Just a few minutes later, he sort of bolted upright and said he had to go and he all but ran out the door. He texted that he’d made it home, but didn’t call or do a cute goodnight thing or anything. So the deal is, after almost feeling like he was moving a bit fast or things were a little intense or something, now I feel kind of empty, or wondering if I did something wrong or what happened. I know I should just hang back and wait and let whatever happens happen, but I, um, well, I’m kind of missing him. Weird, huh? What should I do, and how do I deal with this weird feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) Pretty easy... He wants in your pants and you gave him mixed signals towards him thinking that's what he was going to get. At least he was nice enough to ask you what you were thinking before taking it further. Obviously, it was a very neutral reply from you with no sexual feelings that basically told him he wasn't going to get into your pants tonight. He got rejected. Didn't like it nor want to deal with it. To put it simply he's just looking for some casual sex. Feel free to do with that as you will. He can't handle rejection nor want to invest his time into the pursuit to get into your pants. Or perhaps he thinks you'll go chasing after him. Either way he's sparing you everything and you best move on if you're not interested in casual sex. What you did wrong was "going back to your place to watch a movie." You have to understand how some guys think what that means, especially for the ones that are only interested in sex. It means they are going to get some hot sex tonight and therefore will act accordingly. By you resisting sent a mixed signal to him which basically signified that going back to your place did not involve banging you like he had planned on doing. It rejected everything he wanted to do with you and obviously sucks at dealing with rejection to bolt like that wow. In any case, despite you sending the guy mixed non-verbal communication signals you got to see what that guy was only after you for. SEX! Which isn't so bad if that's all you want. However, if you're looking for more than don't waste your time with this guy nor think about him for one second. Edited May 17, 2011 by FrostFire Link to post Share on other sites
Author indija Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 Pretty easy... He wants in your pants and you gave him mixed signals towards him thinking that's what he was going to get. At least he was nice enough to ask you what you were thinking before taking it further. Obviously, it was a very neutral reply from you with no sexual feelings that basically told him he wasn't going to get into your pants tonight. He got rejected. Didn't like it nor want to deal with it. To put it simply he's just looking for some casual sex. Feel free to do with that as you will. He can't handle rejection nor want to invest his time into the pursuit to get into your pants. Or perhaps he thinks you'll go chasing after him. Either way he's sparing you everything and you best move on if you're not interested in casual sex. What you did wrong was "going back to your place to watch a movie." You have to understand how some guys think what that means, especially for the ones that are only interested in sex. It means they are going to get some hot sex tonight and therefore will act accordingly. By you resisting sent a mixed signal to him which basically signified that going back to your place did not involve banging you like he had planned on doing. It rejected everything he wanted to do with you and obviously sucks at dealing with rejection to bolt like that wow. In any case, despite you sending the guy mixed non-verbal communication signals you got to see what that guy was only after you for. SEX! Which isn't so bad if that's all you want. However, if you're looking for more than don't waste your time with this guy nor think about him for one second. Funny thing, and I did read your other post; it actually felt like the opposite. Like he was thinking I was ONLY interested in the sex and not him, which is not true. I was pretty clear about letting him know I totally thought we were going to hook up (we’ve been hanging out for a bit already, that part would’ve been cool). I guess maybe it was just a bit of getting too intense too quickly. But It honestly felt like his feelings were hurt somehow and it felt like he was hoping I’d reply something more meaningful about/toward him and I just didn’t say much at all. He’s been pretty much putting himself out there and I’ve been kind of holding back (emotionally). Dangit, we’re both pretty vulnerable right now, so it’s probably for the best, but it is weird that I do actually miss him. As a person, not just some warm body...his presence, I mean. Lol, so I’m guessing that under no circumstances should I call or text him, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Maybe he had an upset stomach! Link to post Share on other sites
Author indija Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 Lol, yeah, let's stick with that! Link to post Share on other sites
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Indija, see my other reply. You cannot sit here and think for one second that when a guy asks you what you're feeling during a hot sensual sexy naughty moment and you tell them "NOTHING" is not going to have an effect on a guy. Here's a guy showing you how passionate and hinting to you that he's ready and you say "nothing." When you say nothing anything after that is void because when you aren't feeling anything then that means you're just not feeling the sexual tension or chemistry. Now he's probably wondering why he opened up his vulnerable side to you only to have you say nothing towards him. That's the only words he's focusing on. The sexual chemistry is gone between you two and it's going to be hard for you to get that back. You can't place the entire blame on him either. You are the one responsible for what happened this night. Certain words you don't want to say during a hot heated sexual moment. The last thing you want to tell a guy is you aren't feeling 'nothing' when a guy is pleasing you. That's the word and only word that is constantly coming to his mind right now whenever he thinks of you. That word will stick with him for the rest of his life so as long as he thinks of you unless you can find some sort of way to put his mind at ease. An apology might be in order but understand this if you do this then you better expect sex to happen quite fast since that's all he's after. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 She didn't say she felt nothing while he was trying to make love to her. They were cuddling, and he asked her what she was THINKING; she answered that she wasn't thinking, she was just enjoying. There's nothing wrong or hurtful in that statement, in fact most people would be quite happy to hear that. OP there might have been some misunderstanding, but we don't know. Nobody will ever know, if you don't ask him. Personally, I don't think you did anything wrong, and IMO the adult thing to do would be to very calmly and simply ask him if anything upset him that night, or if anything is wrong. You mentioned twice that you are both in vulnerable emotional states right now and a little freaked out by how intimate you are getting, and how quickly. We'd need more information, but based on that alone I'd say it's extremely possible that your answer lies in THAT dynamic, in the vulnerability and emotions being triggered by how fast things are moving. Link to post Share on other sites
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) Stung no where did I mention that he was making love to her. I said he was trying pleasure her and there are many ways to pleasure a woman before making love. It's true they were cuddling and it might be innocent to us but for this guy it obviously meant much more. She specifically said the word "nothing" during what would be considered a hot tense "sexual chemistry" moment of cuddling of what she was thinking. It doesn't really matter what else she said afterwards and we all know what she meant was she wasn't thinking and was just enjoying the moment. The problem lies within the guy and how he interpreted the word of "nothing" and how much of a negative effect it had on him. Because they are at such vulnerable stages in life his mind ran with the word "nothing" more than we can imagine. The best thing to do is talk if you really want to see what will happen. I think since judging by your two posts how much it's bothering you it's best that you just talk to him and find out what's going on indija. It would put your mind more at ease and maybe perhaps we all are wrong and he was just tired or something. Good luck! Edited May 17, 2011 by FrostFire Link to post Share on other sites
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