Depression??

[NicoleM]

I am seeing someone who is majorly depressed. I talked about this in the hot/cold thread and I had to get it out there and say hey what's going on you never want to talk. I finally get a response and he told me he is depressed and physically ill. I have no idea how to handle this situation. I get bouts of depression but it is never severe or anything. Do you think this could explain his hot/cold behavior or is this just a crutch he is using?

[orangelady]

I had a similiar situation to this. Fell for a guy who had major depression to the point he has abandoned the idea of ever getting a job although he denies it. I just don't know how he does it. He does not do anything to improve his life, he goes for yoga, watches movies at home, go online and that's about it. That's his life day in and day out. Also, when I try to talk to him, sometimes he'll be extremely quiet and I sense that it is his moods but he'll say something like "I'm born quiet....." or "I don't know"

 

I honestly think it's never a good idea to fall for someone with depression because they can never be capable of being in a relationship that is healthy. I also get bouts of depression for various reasons, but I'd think that I still move on with my life and go about doing things but he does not.

 

Depression affects the behavior and the life of the person. Stay far away. Be a friend, but not more than that.

[NicoleM]

Yes I can see where you are coming from. My friend is bi-polar and one minute she is happy,happy the next she hates everyone and wants to be left alone.

[NicoleM]

I have been thinking this over and over again do you think that his depression/ physical illness is caused by me?? Of course no one knows but do you think that maybe just maybe he has feelings for me and he is getting physically sick and depressed because he doesn't know if I will turn him down or is afraid to get involved?? I mean he has been very weird lately and when I finally,finally get blunt and say hey what's going on he said he has been physically ill and depressed.

[AstroZombie138]

Nicole--do you know what the nature of his depression/physical illness is? Does he have a history of depression? If it's serious then he should see a therapist and possibly be prescribed medication. Don't shoulder all of this on yourself. I seriously doubt you're causing him to feel depressed.

 

Orangelady, I'm not sure I like your implication that depressed people should be treated like lepers and shunned. I was diagnosed as being clinically depressed in my teens. Does that mean I should live out the rest of my life alone?

 

Edit to add:

Read your Hot and Cold thread and I say you need to cut him loose. You don't want to be involved with a dude who's using online dating as his personal rebound playground. He's taking advantage of your low self-esteem and is loving the attention you're giving him in a kind of self-loathing sort of way. Nothing good can come of this.

Edited April 29, 2011 by AstroZombie138

[NicoleM]

I think you are right. He clearly has problems ( not that there is anything wrong with depression) He seems to have alooooooot of issues and he clearly doesn't know what he wants and is using me as a pawn. Today I got a job promotion and I said hey guess what I got a job promotion and did he say one word of course not! My friends say WTG and are happy for me but does he say one word no:( See ya later is what I have to say to him.

Edited April 29, 2011 by NicoleM

[AstroZombie138]

Good plan and congrats on getting the new job!

Speaking from experience, depression can cloud the sufferer's sense of perspective Pretty much ignore anything he might have done to cause damage to your own sense of self-worth. He's beyond any direct help you can offer. If you're still worried about his actual well-being see if you can contact his friends or family members. He may need a residential treatment program and could be a suicide risk.

[NicoleM]

Unfourtunely I do not know any of his friends or any of his family members. I never met them nor did he really talk about them. He kinda kept that stuff private for some reason. I wish him nothing but the best and I hope he gets the help and it is ashame he blew his chance on me I am a really nice girl and beautiful too bad he didn't realize it.

[whichwayisup]

I am seeing someone who is majorly depressed. I talked about this in the hot/cold thread and I had to get it out there and say hey what's going on you never want to talk. I finally get a response and he told me he is depressed and physically ill. I have no idea how to handle this situation. I get bouts of depression but it is never severe or anything. Do you think this could explain his hot/cold behavior or is this just a crutch he is using?

 

Nope, it isn't a crutch..It's who he is and the illness that he has, his frame of mind. he is mentally ill, this is a life long, forever thing. Most people suffer at times, but they work through it and get past it. Situational depression is much different than constant depression that will never go away.

 

Is he seeing a therapist? On meds? He can be proactive and not let the Monster take over his life..

 

Google depressionfallout, there's alot of helpful info on that site. Check out the boards too.

[Kelemort]

I've been through several bouts of major depressive episodes, but I am capable of being in a stable, happy relationship. Does it complicate it? Yes. I envy people who have had only situational bouts of depression. While it has certainly complicated some of the relationships I've been in, I don't think it has turned me into someone who should be ruled out as a dating partner.

 

Sounds like this guy didn't just have issues with depression, though - but perhaps touches of sexual narcissism.

 

For anyone who has a depressed partner, it's important to try to shift their focus to something positive - maybe bring up things about which you know they're excited about. Make plans together so they have something to look forward to.

 

And encourage them. If someone's depressed, make them breakfast. Ask them to go for a walk with you - and Hell, you can even go the manipulative route and say, "I needed your advice on X, and I thought that you'd be just the person to ask while we go on this walk." Try to provide them a sense of purpose - enough to get them out of the initial funk and moving again. Enough to distract them.

 

Given the current economic climate, I'm certain that most people here are going to be facing depression or dating someone who is depressed because of work, and possibly long-term.

[NicoleM]

He made the whole thing up!! he has been flirting with one of my friends on POF ( she created a profile just to see what he did) and he was more than chipper and even wanted to take her out for a drink ( she declined) he is a jerk and I want to tell him off so bad but I can't:mad: Edited April 29, 2011 by NicoleM

[judthryn]

so if he is not true to you surely you have to think about it and get into a decision, but i think he needs a companion or friend to help him out of it.. so try to be a moral support and get him recover, then observe him whether he is looking for some one else or not?

[NicoleM]

He called me out of the blue the other day and we talked and I said what's bothering you? He wouldn't say much except oh personal stuff so finally he broke down and said he was depressed over possibly losing his job and he has debt problems. He needs to talk to someone or get on medicine ( he was on prozac) I have a feeling these problems are not going away anytime soon.

[AstroZombie138]

^Wait. I'm confused. What did he make up?

[NicoleM]

I thought he made up the depression because he was hitting on my friend and I got mad but I later found out he clearly does have issues and is always down. We went out Sat night and he kept going on and on about how his life sucks and how it sucks that he might get fired and how he is in debt and he has student loans to pay and rent to pay,etc. I reminded him about you think your life sucks? Try being my co-worker sister who just passed away from cancer or how about the people in Japan? Ya there life sucks not yours. I kind put things in perspective and he said ya I guess......