annabanana85 Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 I started seeing this guy a month ago. We have met about 6 times or so and are in a sexual relationship currently. He is very nice to me and during our meetings, showers me with attention. He is kind of shy, awkward and inexperienced with girls though. He is also in graduate school and thus very busy with work. We live about an hour away and do not drive. So we only see eachother once a week, at most twice. He likes to go to bed at 10 every night and wake up at 6, so sometimes when we meet up, we do not spend the night together because it interferes with his schedule. We also do not talk on the phone during the week but only text and email to make plans. Recently he has been super slow in responding to my txts. We were supposed to meet up today to watch a movie and I sent him a txt telling him to come over tonight to watch the movie. It has been two days and he still has not responded. I know he must be very busy and he is an absentminded person, but to me this is just not normal. Does he lack social skills or is he just not interested? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 IMO, any heretofore stranger man who sees you six times in month and has sex with you is interested. At which of the six times did sexual relations begin? Link to post Share on other sites
Author annabanana85 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 IMO, any heretofore stranger man who sees you six times in month and has sex with you is interested. At which of the six times did sexual relations begin? We had sex on our 4th and 5th dates. On our 5th date, he brought up the topic of relationships and said that he wants to be in a relationship with me and see me as often as possible. The last time I saw him, we just met at a bar and went our separate ways. The thing is I think he is very used to his routine. And everytime we spend the night together, the next day, he becomes very absent-minded and distracted and ends up missing a meeting or making a big mistake at work. I do not know if this is his excuse but I feel like we dont spend enough time together and our relationship feels like it is not progressing. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 While the distance is IMO a mitigating factor, there's really no good reason for lack of consistent contact. Here's a tip: When people value you and are interested in you, no matter how busy or distracted they are, they take the time and make the effort to express that value and interest. Next time he texts or e-mails, simply say 'call me'. If he asks why, say 'I want to hear your voice'. Say/text nothing further. IMO, you shouldn't have to bargain with a man you're having sex with. If he's not proactively meeting your reasonable and expressed needs, he's not sufficiently motivated/interested to be worthy of that kind of intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annabanana85 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 I know, I feel like I'm not asking for a lot. I sent him a txt on Wednesday telling him that Friday would work best for me. It is already Friday and he has not responded! This is common courtesy; even if it were a friend I would let them know by Friday afternoon whether or not I can make it! Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 He doesn't see you as a priority hence his lack of respect at replying. All his actions are telling you is that " it's his way or the highway". You're always only following him and he is not giving you the same courtesy to respond in kind. Let him know you feel disrespected and if he actually wants to make things work, he's going to have to make some effort. Then you go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annabanana85 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 You guys are right. He does not deserve me. Last week he did not contact me for four days! I do not know why though, all my friends tell me that I am way out of his league socially and physically. So I do not understand why he does not appreciate me more. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 You guys are right. He does not deserve me. Last week he did not contact me for four days! I do not know why though, all my friends tell me that I am way out of his league socially and physically. So I do not understand why he does not appreciate me more. A man desires woman for only one thing when they're not looking for a relationship. If you'd already given it up, all the more reason he does not appreciate you. There are men who are relationship worthy and still values a woman even after sex. You have to look for them instead of waiting for them to change into who you want them to be. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 IMO, any heretofore stranger man who sees you six times in month and has sex with you is interested. At which of the six times did sexual relations begin? Interested in something, sure, but interested in her, eh. . . Not necessarily true with sex involved. I'm sure there are guys who have nothing to offer me and don't want a relationship with me and aren't even interested in me as a person who'd be happy to have sex with me once a week. Just being realistic. We had sex on our 4th and 5th dates. On our 5th date, he brought up the topic of relationships and said that he wants to be in a relationship with me and see me as often as possible. The last time I saw him, we just met at a bar and went our separate ways. The thing is I think he is very used to his routine. And everytime we spend the night together, the next day, he becomes very absent-minded and distracted and ends up missing a meeting or making a big mistake at work. I do not know if this is his excuse but I feel like we dont spend enough time together and our relationship feels like it is not progressing. I think it's weird that what he's saying and what he's doing aren't matching up. It's possible he does mean what he says but doesn't yet know how to accomplish it. I would say if a man didn't answer my texts for 2 days, it'd be cause for a serious discussion, if not the end of a relationship that was that short. YMMV. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annabanana85 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 Do you think I should just finish this and move on? Or should I confront him? Link to post Share on other sites
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