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Do People Ever Really Change?

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Old 17th March 2011, 9:38 PM   #1
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Do People Ever Really Change?

Or do you just keep looking for the one person that 'ticks all the boxes'?

Just curious to know if doing the necessary work on yourself (i.e. recognising what you could've done 'better'; overcoming deep-rooted emotional issues, etc) yielded a better relationship for you in the long run?

Or did you just keep dating until you found someone who 'fit' you without you having to change your behaviour?

Seems to me most people choose the latter - or just 'put' up with behaviour simply because they've invested themselves in the relationship already.

Any other thoughts/experiences?
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Old 17th March 2011, 9:45 PM   #2
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I don't think a person can ever really *change* who they are. I have a personality that will be with me for the rest of my life.

However, I think people can learn to cope and deal with their issues to be a happier, healthier individual in and out of a relationship. I think this takes great maturity, self-awareness and, most of all, effort.

For instance, if a person has a temper, they can learn how to control it, but that knee-jerk reaction to anger will always be there. It's all about compromise. Some people can do this and other will not or won't.
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Old 17th March 2011, 9:51 PM   #3
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I don't think you should ever fundamentally change who you are for another person.

But if you realize that you have some negative behaviors that effect you in your daily interactions and relationships with people, of course, you should look into resolving these issues for your own benefit as well as the benefit of your relationship. I'm not talking about petty issues such as you don't contact the person as often as they would like or you are too blunt for them or you have a sense of humor that is incompatible with theirs, but real issues that are negatively effecting your life.

People change because they want to though. Not because others force them to or recommend they should.
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Old 17th March 2011, 10:08 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by heartshaped View Post
i don't think you should ever fundamentally change who you are for another person.

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