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My dad is dating this absolutely horrible woman...

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Old 17th March 2011, 9:16 PM   #1
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My dad is dating this absolutely horrible woman...

...and they are moving in together in July. I could not be less thrilled, and I don't know what to do.

My dad is the world's sweetest man. He loves Titanic. He's a member of MENSA, around sixty years old. He studies genealogy. He and my mother divorced because of her INSANE spending, and I consider it a good move on his part. He's dated here and there, but spent a lot of time lonely. I loved his two other girlfriends--they were wonderful. He's always been there for me... until lately.

His girlfriend is the world's hottest old woman (60 ish), and is on disability because she has a genetic condition that basically breaks down her cartiledge (it's called something like "Ailer's Down"--has anyone heard of it? I can't find it or anything that sounds like it on google..) She's been married three times before, has three children (one of whom is fifteen, and the other two are completely psychotic).

She spends her days doing one of two things--going through people's garbage looking for cans and whatever else they throw out (I'm not kidding--most people who see her think she's homeless), and looking up conspiracy theories online. Every week, she collects 2500-3200 cans, which earns her all of 60 dollars (but it's not taxed, so yay, I guess?). All of which would be fine..


She has convinced my dad that Swine Flu was caused by the government in order to make money and that 9/11 was an inside job. She has TURNED MY DAD INTO A 9/11 TRUTHER. (FML) He has started stock-piling food and water because the end is supposedly near. He's considering raising rabbits and quails. He's looking up how to cook using tin foil and the son. He's gone totally off the deep end.

I could maybe live with that. Except that the past two times I've scheduled time to hang out with my dad, he's forgotten and blew me off. In the past, he hasn't forgotten, but he keeps canceling. The last couple of times I've been really upset (which doesn't happen often), he hasn't made time for me, not even half an hour. Not okay.

His girlfriend insults my boyfriend constantly--her son goes to my boyfriend's school where my man teaches and, for some reason, she finds it appropriate conversation to insult the staff, the administration, etc. Again, not okay.

Her insane daughter is my age (21) and dates "gangstas", i.e. men who are often in jail, beat her up, and are otherwise the bane of society. Recently, her boyfriend dumped her, and she started threatening suicide... During those few weeks, my dad usually ended up on the phone with her, talking her down. My dad. Not his girlfriend. Then crazy-girl cut her wrists (not badly, just enough to break the skin). The night this happened, a very old and wonderful family friend was in town, for THAT NIGHT ONLY. Instead of going through with our plans, he went to help her.. which would have been fine, you know, considering the circumstances.. So he was there, bandaging his girlfriend's daughter's wrists.. and what was his girlfriend doing while my dad talked her daughter back from the ledge? TAKING A NAP ON THE COUCH BECAUSE SHE WAS "SO TIRED."


I could go on and on and on... but what can I do? Should I do anything? At first, I was so happy because he was happy, but now.. I don't know. I am so stuck.

I've said a few things, he knows I don't like her very much, but.. Should I just let them move in together and pray that she drives him insane, or what? Advice?
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Old 17th March 2011, 9:26 PM   #2
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What choice do you have? How can you not 'let' him?
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Old 17th March 2011, 9:29 PM   #3
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How can you not 'let' him?
I meant without saying something or bringing up any of my concerns. It is, after all, his choice, lol..
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Old 17th March 2011, 9:29 PM   #4
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If it makes you feel any better, my dad married a woman who works at walmart, has two grown and failed to launch kids living with her, and then they moved 700 miles away from his kids and grandkids.

oh, and she sits in her room on her bad all day. If you want to talk to her or him, you have to go into their room and sit on the bed.

One time, I went down to visit and she said I could bring my dog (a dachshund) with me. Then we get there and she freaks out about the dog. We just drove 16 hours, its not like we can turn around and go back at that point. Made for such a miserable visit that I refuse to go and stay there again. If I can't swing the trip and lodging, I wont go.
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Old 17th March 2011, 9:34 PM   #5
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If he blows you off again, tell him how it makes you feel when he doesn't follow through on plans to spend time with you, that you miss him and want to see him. If he doesn't change for the better on that front, then distance yourself. Perhaps if he sees that you won't be so forgiving of him blowing you off he'll start coming around himself.

Don't complain about her to him. Find others to rant about her to. If you complain about her it will just drive him further away from you. Act like you're apart from it all. Don't engage with him about his girlfriend either--if he comes to you with problems related to her, tell him to work them out with her.
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