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Be direct or not?


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Old 17th March 2011, 11:18 AM   #1
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Be direct or not?

I've been with my guy for several months and we've already talked about having a family together. We communicate very well and we are both pretty direct and open when we have certain issues. We love each other and it's pretty obvious that we both want to make it work. In one of our conversations he said that we still have a few things to talk about and clear out in the next few months, but I think it's mostly logistics and things that he wants to get an answer on to avoid problems that he had with previous relationships. I have noticed that he has just a few insecurities that are based on past experience but we don't really have any problems between us and our philosophy about life is the same. I've already suggested that he could openly ask me any questions he may have; do you think that's good or am i pushing too much? He didn't seem to mind it when i told him that and he said we could talk next week about it. My question is this: i am very confident about him being the one and about us having a life together, but should i tell him that directly or just let him take the lead and initiative to open the conversation and ask me about any possible concerns he may have?
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Old 17th March 2011, 6:47 PM   #2
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What were the issues he thought needed to be cleared out in the next few months? That's the point where you can ask him questions to go deeper.

Are you sure you want to commit to him as a life partner/husband? That conversation comes before having a family together, in my opinion.

He said you would talk next week so I would give him until then. If he doesn't bring it up by the end of the week, then say something non-threatening like, "I know we talked last week about the things we might see in our future....I'd like to know if we can talk about that now?"...then ask listen, ask him about the "issues to be cleared out in the next few months."....

Maybe you could also give him a bit of permission to back off, as in "I know I might be jumping the gun with all of this stuff. I just want to know if you think it's on the table sometime in the future because I would like to have kids someday...(or whatever you want.)"

Anyway, it's only been a few months. Maybe it's as simple as wanting to know he's in it for the long haul?

Be very clear about what it is YOU want from him. Stay on your side of the net here...do you want reassurance? pleasure from picturing a future together? Make him feel you are okay with whatever he says....which doesn't mean you have to go along with anything...it's always your choice...we are simply talking about having a conversation....

Enjoy this time with him....
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Old 17th March 2011, 7:15 PM   #3
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Thanks for the feedback!! As a matter of fact, he has mentioned in the past that on a past relationship there was a lot of enthusiasm in the beginning but after a little while the girl was not in it for the long run after all. So, there's a great possibility that he wants to make sure this doesn't happen to him again. A few other things he has mentioned are more like logistics such as finance
s, managing the household and so on. I can't really think of anything else that could be in his mind...
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