guitar23 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I apologize for my sporadic posting, so it's probably hard to follow. For those of you haven't or don't remember my last few posts, I've been involved with a girl since Dec that I really like and care about a lot. That said, she is really going through some personal issues right now, and I have tried and tried to be there for her. We haven't seen each other in over a month now (LDR..sorta) and it feels like she's dragging her feet. We talk daily and usually have 1-2 solid long phone calls a week as well. The problem is it feels like all she wants is someone to talk to right now, which is ok by me, I know she's having trouble and needs her space. I had a function last weekend and she backed out on me....again. She told me to find another person to go, so I told her I would (although I wasn't planning to). However, the night before my function I ran into a girl I use to be interested in who was very flirty so I asked her. We went and had a great time; she was ALL OVER ME both nights. Although I'm not officially committed to the girl whose been dragging her feet, in some weird way it felt wrong to make a move on the weekend girl, so I didn't. Flash forward to today and I am a complete mess and now am starting to have feelings for both girls. On one hand, I've put a lot of time and effort into one girl, and she IS going through a lot. At the same time I feel kind of used by her and am getting NOTHING in return. I'm not even talking about sex, I dont even get to see her lately. At this point, is it wrong to date both women? I've NEVER done that before. By that I mean I've never been so far along in dating one person and then started seeing a second. Both would be good catches, and I'm unsure which one is right for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Go for Girl #2, the one you went to the function with. I know from experience that Girl #1 is not that interested and is only giving you false hope. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 No, it's not wrong to keep your options open! Just don't let it go on for too long. As much as you want to be there for the girl with personal issues, you can only do so much for her when she's not giving you much in return. You're not sleeping with either of them, so go ahead and figure out your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilmisus Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I don't see it as wrong to look into dating both women as long as you don't lead either of them on to believe that they're the only girl in your life. If I were you, I'd ask the first chick where your LDR is going, and tell her how you feel about things. Let her know that you care about her and know that she's going through a lot right now, so you're willing to be patient with her, but you can't continue feeling like it's leading no where. Depending on how the conversation goes, I'd use that to determine what to do with the second chick. But in the end, just do what feels right, and be sure to consider everyone's feelings and the consequences that may or may not come if you "date" both girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guitar23 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 Thanks for all the feedback. I will proceed with caution with both I guess. Just don't want to see anyone get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Don't date the one who won't see you. What is the point of dating someone who seems so uninterested? If she wanted you, she would be there and asking when she would be seeing you. Go for the other girl who does want to be with you. Life is too short to waste of people who can't make their minds up and you deserve some care and affection too. Link to post Share on other sites
USCGAviator Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Sounds like girl #1 is a buzz kill. Do you want to be happy or constantly help other people find happiness? Link to post Share on other sites
Author guitar23 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 Spiderowl and USCGAviator I appreciate the blunt/honest advice. Thank you all for the advice who posted before. I do find myself worrying more about making other people happy than I am with my own level of happiness. Even with my family. That said, I have gone NC for the past 3 days with girl #1 and she has been calling/texting like crazy and now wants to hang out next weekend. Give her one last chance to prove herself or tell her "too little too late" ? Link to post Share on other sites
Movingthrough Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I had a function last weekend and she backed out on me....again. I would say go for #2. When someone pulls out of something AGAIN, that is a bad sign. Plus you are already saying there are red flags. Dont make the mistake a lot of us did and put that aside. The whole "well she is going through stuff", that doesnt matter, if she cared enough she would be sharing it with you and making you part of her life. Not just a shoulder to cry on. Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Yea, I'd give girl number 2 a shot. You've been freaking out over girl one for quite some time and she hasn't given anything back and now SUDDENLY she wants you. Let her wait it out. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 That said, I have gone NC for the past 3 days with girl #1 and she has been calling/texting like crazy and now wants to hang out next weekend. Ahhh... so typical. The moral of the story here is, the basic dating strategy of switching direction toward someone else, works like a charm. So now you know. Keep this strategy in your tool box for future use. I would say give her a chance because you can date both at the same time. But there are anti-multi-daters out there, and they wouldn't approve. So it's up to you. There's no right answer, because no one knows the future. Maybe now that you have girl #1's attention, she'll eventually turn out to be the best choice. Maybe girl #2 would be better because she never played this flip-flop game with you. Maybe if you multi date both, they'll both get mad at you and leave. There are a lot of maybes. Us on an internet forum have even less data point to make that determination. So we can only offer you possible approaches, you pick the best one. I would multi date both if I were you. But I also wouldn't care if they both bailed on me, because I'd just shrug and move on and date the next group of women. You decide if this is the right thing to do for you. Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 oooHHHHhhhh it's fishtaco. my favorite poster. why he be my favorite poster? Cause I lOOOVEE to say feeSSSHHHHHTAAAAAAACOOOOOO. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 oooHHHHhhhh it's fishtaco. my favorite poster. why he be my favorite poster? Cause I lOOOVEE to say feeSSSHHHHHTAAAAAAACOOOOOO. Wow, didn't realize I have fans. Link to post Share on other sites
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