A Lot of Anxiety over a relationship...

[InThis305]

I started seeing this girl a little over 2 months ago and we started moving really fast... after like a week or 2 we started hanging out every day and pretty much spending all our weekends together, and especially the last month, having a lot of sex almost every day. During the day we usually text back n forth starting in the morning.

 

I started telling her probably a month ago that I wanted to be bf/gf official, but she says its too fast still and that she needs more time, especially because she has a little daughter. I totally understand that

 

The thing is the last week for some reason I have started feeling like I need to be with her at least every day like being with her is a drug or something and I go through withdrawal without. I constantly think about like her text messages or what she said and worry that she is losing interest in me. I know that she isn't, she's told me that she likes me a lot and tonight she said i'm "safe for now" because she likes me a lot, but the anxiety is killing me.

 

The last few days I feel like I have been completely like obsessed and just thinking about this relationship and I know that its starting to leak out and she can probably tell. I wasnt even able to eat anything today, like anything... I really kept asking her to hang out with me tonight even though at first she said she couldnt because she had to sleep early, she gave in and ended up telling me to come, but I think she can tell that somethings up with me, and I'm acting more desperate and needy.

 

I just keep worrying that i'm going to destroy the relationship by being so preoccupied and that It wont last long unless I can get it together and chill out. I know that I am starting to look weak and needy to her probably, and the fun and carefree vibe that we always have is not there as much.

 

I have had issues with anxiety before, related to other ****, and I told her that.... I guess that I could tell her whats been going on in my head, and see how she responds. It would take a load off my chest to let her know that i've been dealing with these feelings, but it's also kind of intense to basically tell someone you've been obsessing about them and they would probably start to pull away, so I don't know what to do.

 

I'm 25 and she's 28 and I am not very experienced in love and relationships, and I told her that before... that i'm not sure what i'm getting into and that i'm worried about getting hurt but I like her a lot. I just dont really know what to do or how to act, but I want to get back to normal like how I was before

[blackmagik]

Ah my man, you are love sick! You need to just take it easy. Being overly needy and clingy will only lessen what she feels about you. Girls do not like a guy that can't stand to be away from them, even if it is true you can't show it. In most cases they want someone that can be seen as the protector and doesn't have any fear or anxiety. This is something that human nature instills in us. Just like men seek out a girl that is caring and naturing, we look for this to see how well she would care for our young. Not to say thats what our intentions are just human animal instincts. It sounds like you have a co-dependency issue, meaning your happiness depends on her liking you and spending time with you.

 

So to answer your question, find other hobbies to keep your mind occupied. Call some friends over, hang out with them. Play some video games, read a book, do anything that can distract yourself from thinking about her. Space is key in any relationship, as well as pacing the relationship. If you continue to be clingy to her, you will create the exact thing you didnt want and lose her.

[GivenUp0083]

I started seeing this girl a little over 2 months ago and we started moving really fast... after like a week or 2 we started hanging out every day and pretty much spending all our weekends together, and especially the last month, having a lot of sex almost every day. During the day we usually text back n forth starting in the morning.

 

I started telling her probably a month ago that I wanted to be bf/gf official, but she says its too fast still and that she needs more time, especially because she has a little daughter. I totally understand that

 

The thing is the last week for some reason I have started feeling like I need to be with her at least every day like being with her is a drug or something and I go through withdrawal without. I constantly think about like her text messages or what she said and worry that she is losing interest in me. I know that she isn't, she's told me that she likes me a lot and tonight she said i'm "safe for now" because she likes me a lot, but the anxiety is killing me.

 

The last few days I feel like I have been completely like obsessed and just thinking about this relationship and I know that its starting to leak out and she can probably tell. I wasnt even able to eat anything today, like anything... I really kept asking her to hang out with me tonight even though at first she said she couldnt because she had to sleep early, she gave in and ended up telling me to come, but I think she can tell that somethings up with me, and I'm acting more desperate and needy.

 

I just keep worrying that i'm going to destroy the relationship by being so preoccupied and that It wont last long unless I can get it together and chill out. I know that I am starting to look weak and needy to her probably, and the fun and carefree vibe that we always have is not there as much.

 

I have had issues with anxiety before, related to other ****, and I told her that.... I guess that I could tell her whats been going on in my head, and see how she responds. It would take a load off my chest to let her know that i've been dealing with these feelings, but it's also kind of intense to basically tell someone you've been obsessing about them and they would probably start to pull away, so I don't know what to do.

 

I'm 25 and she's 28 and I am not very experienced in love and relationships, and I told her that before... that i'm not sure what i'm getting into and that i'm worried about getting hurt but I like her a lot. I just dont really know what to do or how to act, but I want to get back to normal like how I was before

 

I have EXACT experience with this type of feeling. I used to get stomach aches that were a result of anxiety over dating women who'd I went out with a few times but I could sense they were going to disappear on me. They usually ended up doing so without any explanation or formal rejection which would drive me nuts and make me even more anxious.

 

But I got rid of it: I saw a therapist. The line I bolded from your statement really hit home for me as when I saw my therapist, it literally felt just like that...a load off my chest. It also helped me to look at the relationships I had differently, to approach the situation one step at a time and to simplify everything. I only went to see a therapist a handful of times but I wish I could go more, just because I always felt so much better after going. You can talk about whatever you want and they'll help you overcome whatever issue you're having.

 

Everyone feels like they're too good for it at first, and it's a little embarrasing to think that you're going to search for a therapist, but there's a reason there are so many of them...they really do help. One of the best decisions I ever made was to go see one.

 

I hope you take my advice.

[xpaperxcutx]

Your behaviour could trigger other problems like compulsion and obsessiver tendencies if you do not get it under control. Take a breather and a step back. A relationship that moves too quickly tend to crash and burn faster. It's no different from being a designated driver and driving 180 on a 80 mph highway.

 

What are you doing asides from seeing your gf that could preoccupy your time more? Find hobbies and associate yourself with different people. It's not enough that your gf is all you have to live for, you're going to scare her away if you don't get your compulsion under control.