Purrrfection8 Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 Help me ppl! My guy of a few months is not yet ready to commit altho he knows I'm the one he's been waiting for.. Personal issues, and a promise to himself that he'd be prepared for his next relationship are keeping him from committing. Altho exclusive to me, and we behave like we're a couple (I see him every day), why won't he commit? How long is too long to wait? When and what makes one know they're ready to commit.. He also sees the same things I see... marriage children etc I don't know what to do? I'm already inlove, I plan to be patient but I'm ready to build a future too so I keep pressuring him to hurry hurry! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 so you're exclusive, you're a couple - sounds somewhat committed to me! what do you want him to do - marry you? good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 Sounds to me like he's pretty committed. But two months is way too soon for him to ask you to marry him. I think you have flipped a bit for him and are trying to make things go way too fast. Just what more would you get out of this relationship if he "committed" to you as you are seeking him to do? If you don't slow down a bit and quite pressuring him to do something it seems he's already done anyway, you will drive him away for sure. Your relationship will be condemned to early termination before it gets strong and healthy if you don't take some time out and have a Hershey Bar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purrrfection8 Posted September 27, 2003 Author Share Posted September 27, 2003 Hi, Thanks for replies... It's been 7 months actually... I agree that maybe I am rushing him a little... What I want from him is acknowledgement that I am his girlfriend so that our relationship may progress naturally... Altho he knows I'm the one he's been waiting for, prior to meeting me he was determined to move overseas permanently... Now that he's met me, I've sort of confused him about whether he is still willing to head overseas... I guess I just want him to come to a decision because it feels like there is one foot out the door... It's a very uncomfortable and vulnerable position to be in... I love him and have faith enough in him to be there for him while he decides... He is so confused that right now he is unable to see straight and has proposed a break so that he may work it out clearly... I just wish he could see what I see... I have so much love for this fella it amazes me... Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 What I want from him is acknowledgement that I am his girlfriend so that our relationship may progress naturally This sounds reasonable enough. prior to meeting me he was determined to move overseas permanently This sounds like quite the snag. He is so confused that right now he is unable to see straight and has proposed a break so that he may work it out clearly... THIS sounds like he may feel smothered as well as confused. I don't mean to imply that you are smothering him in any way. I know that for my part in my own experience, when I have been faced with a significant decision, especially one that has been potentially life changing (and in this case, your guy is facing two very different possibilities AT LEAST) I have wanted time to myself to do some soul searching to find my answers. When he is around you, there's a chance he doesn't feel like he can think straight; he may be unable to consider the overseas possibility as a result of being around you. Loving and respecting him means allowing him to take a step back into introspection. The addage, "If you love someone, set them free" can be interpreted quite literally here. I'm not saying you should just up and dump him on his arse, but tell him that you respect that he had this possibility in his future before the two of you met and started seeing each other, and that rather than be a choice he resents, you would much rather be the choice he makes of his own volition. I understand how difficult it can be to let go of someone you love. But ultimately, if he chooses to stay and be with you because he feels he has truly chosen you, it will be much more worthwhile for you both. I wish you luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 YOU WRITE: "It's been 7 months actually..." Well, if you'd have put that in your original post my reply may have been a bit different. There's a big difference between a few months and seven months. Oh, well... Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 This is a huge [color=red]red[/color] flag. I know because I dated this guy's twin a couple years ago. Seven months is a considerable amount of time to not want to acknowledge that you have a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. With my ex, I met his family, friends, he called every day, we went out two or three times a week, etc...from the outside to everyone we knew it appeared that we were girlfriend and boyfriend. However, he would not acknowledge that. After eight months of being introduced as his "friend" I left. You need to set a deadline in your head as to how long you are going to put up with this. If you don't, the situation will drive you insane. (I know, I've been there!) You do not want to be sitting in the same position a year from now. I finally asked my ex what the situation was between us and where it was going, and he freaked out, said he had commitment problems, etc. I told him to think it over (I gave him two weeks with no contact) and get back to me. After two weeks, he said he could not commit but wanted to still date me "casually." I said No. Never heard from him again. (This from a guy who was crazy about me...he just could not commit.) There is nothing you can do to make a commitmentphobe commit. Read the books "He's Scared, She's Scared" and "Men Who Can't Love." See if you recognize your boyfriend in those books. They helped me a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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