wayoverdue Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I have been seperated for 4 years. My wife essentially went nuts on me several years ago and became an alcoholic and spent years in treatment centers, and left me the entire responsibility of raising our three kids. During this time, I've given little attention to myself and have just kept my head down and tried to raise our kids and get them situated in college (all 3 are in college) just not wanted to get involved with another woman. But Christmas day a couple of weks ago, my aunt introduced me to someone I really liked! This gal lives where my aunt does, 4 hours away . We spent a couple of hours together Christmas, and there seemed to be some spark there on her end. I started calling her, and occasionally she would call me. When we talked it would be for one or two hours (this went on like maybe 4 times). We've texted or talked several times since then over the last couple of weeks. But she's slow to text or return calls and doesn't want to talk about anything beyond small talk. I wanted to take it to the next step (a date) and have a second meeting amd more face time, so a week ago I told her that this weekend I was coming up there to see my aunt and started trying to get miss lovely to agree to a dinner date. On the phone, the week prior when I asked her how she would feel about that, she said "yes, that would be nice" when I threw the idea out. I've been trying since Tuesday to get her to commit to a time and place, etc. She never did, but I felt reasonably good it could be worked out once I got there. But when I got up there this Friday, I couldnt get her to respond or commit, or really answer the phone to talk with me about the specifics of actually getting together in person. Eventually she did answer, and after a lot of excuses (my mom might visit, I need to put away my christmas decorations, I'm working on my house, I'm tired, etc.) she said "maybe, if I'm not tired" and she said she'd call me Sat night at my aunts and let me know. She didn't call, so I did, three more times ("hey I'm here in town and really want to see you"), with no luck and when she didn't answer I drove to her house Sat night and knocked on the door. No answer, but it looked like she might me gone. She knew I was in town and that this was the night I wanted to take her out. I think I have her scared with my straight forward "I want to see you and get to know you" approach. She's been divorced only 4 months, and again I'm not even divorced (essentially for purely financial reasons at this point). I thought we had some mojo working based on the calls (length) and texts and the fact that my aunt (a good friend) introduced us. My aunt is pissed at her now and I dont want this messing up their long term friendship. I didnt call or text today, but am mad at myself for pressing the situation which I think scared her. Now I'm really hurt that she wouldnt see me this weekend after driving 4 hours up there primarily to see her and wondering what I should do next? Link to post Share on other sites
DuckFan Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Speaking as a divorced person, I can tell you that: 1. You are coming on a bit strong. 2. She may not be ready for a relationship after four months. 3. She probably liked the idea of getting to know you, but wasn't ready for anything other than friendship. I know that being separated and divorced can be a daunting reality for some, but taking it slow and starting friendships is really the best way to get back into the "game" so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wayoverdue Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Speaking as a divorced person, I can tell you that: 1. You are coming on a bit strong. 2. She may not be ready for a relationship after four months. 3. She probably liked the idea of getting to know you, but wasn't ready for anything other than friendship. I know that being separated and divorced can be a daunting reality for some, but taking it slow and starting friendships is really the best way to get back into the "game" so to speak. Thanks DuckFan, wondering how to get this back on track and now slow this down and restablish contact. The reason my aunt introduced us was because this gal had mentioned to her she would like to meet some nice normal guys. I think I should wait to call or text again, but not sure how long. I want to apologize for pressing her, but that might be seen as unwelcome or lame or needy at this point, I just dont now. Link to post Share on other sites
DuckFan Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 First of all you have to realize that there is no magic number of days, or time limits or anything of that nature when it comes to dating. Dating is completely subjective. You may have to face the reality that you may have totally scared her off by coming on strong...in that case the best thing you can do is move on. If not, then you may want to wait until "life" brings you back around to her vicinity again and make an offer of friendship. Also, I realize that finding someone that you have interest in and that shows some sort of interest in you, be it romantic or not, is an exciting prospect to someone in your situation (I've been there), but remember the old line "there are plenty of fish in the sea". Granted its tacky, but its true. Do not throw yourself at the first woman you meet: 1. Instant turnoff. 2. Not healthy for you. The best thing you can do is be happy. Easier said than done, right? Not really. Tolstoy once wrote, "If you want to be happy, be." It's really that simple, and most people, not just women are attracted to positive and happy people. Link to post Share on other sites
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