lightwell Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I am not quite sure what to do with my current situation. After six months of dating this one girl that I fell in love with we moved in. She is living with her grandmother (to take care of her) and what everyone told me was her cousin. Two weeks before I moved in she broke down crying and told me that was her ex. They had not been doing anything while we were dating, and he moved out right as i moved in. We spend most of our time together which I know isn't ideal and can lead to conflict. The real problem is after two months she isn't intimate any more, unless I hug her first or say I love you she doesn't hug or say I love you. We don't have much money, we are both older college students and are not working while we attend school. I saved up before we moved together and pay for everything now, food, toys, anything. She seems negative about our future, when she used to talk about it all the time. She always wanted me to told her really tight while we dated, but she doesn't want that much now and feels smothered. Now she wonders if we will be together by this time next year. She wonders If she will still love me. She told me this when i asked why she was being distant. She wonders if she actually loves me, or was in love with the idea of seeing me every weekend (at my apartment) as an escape from her rather depressing life at the time. Right now she just doesn't know how she will feel then. It seems like I am living with a roommate, what can I do to put spark back into our lives? Please help me save my relationship with a girl I have loved more than any other, the girl i believe to be the one. What can i do? Is it hopeless by this point?
WTRanger Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 They say it takes two to tango, and that's the case here. You can do everything short of giving her the moon, but if she's checked out it will all be in vain. If she wants to act like a roommate, treat her like a roommate. There's something to be said for trying to save the relationship, but you've got to draw the line before you lose your dignity.
stepka Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I really really hate to say this, but I think it's time to move. If you stay, it will be over for sure, but if you go, you might have 1/2 a chance. But probably not--it sounds like she's just too cowardly to come right out and break up. Still, get some space in there and fast.
Knittress Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Please, please do not make major decisions like "the oneness" and MOVING IN TOGETHER while still in the throes of the honeymoon period. That's honestly what I think has happened here. It's already done though, so from where I'm sitting I'm wondering why you're wanting to STAY in this esteem-bashing situation? IMO, If this relationship has any chance at all, you're both gonna need some space. Separate apartments worth.
Author lightwell Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 I know we rushed things and moved in too quick. I don't want to cut off now. things might look bleak... but I do believe she really loves me.. Im hoping to fix things while I can, not run...
Cee Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I really really hate to say this, but I think it's time to move. If you stay, it will be over for sure, but if you go, you might have 1/2 a chance. But probably not--it sounds like she's just too cowardly to come right out and break up. Still, get some space in there and fast. I completely agree. Moving out is the best course of action. It's the only chance of saving the shaky relationship. My gut tells me this woman is bad news. Before you, she had some other guy living with her and he was probably paying the bills. They went into platonic mode and she started dating you. And then you moved in and you are falling into a platonic thing. If you stay living with her, it's likely she'll find another guy and get you moved out when she gets serious with him. This is not a healthy situation. I know you love her, but I hope you can look at how hurtful her behavior is.
Knittress Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I know we rushed things and moved in too quick. I don't want to cut off now. things might look bleak... but I do believe she really loves me.. Im hoping to fix things while I can, not run... Love has very little to do with making a serious relationship work. It's about lifestyle compatibility and emotional honesty, among other things. And I really don't see these qualities in abundance between the two of you. You're in a volatile and unhealthy situation, whether you realize it or not. This isn't about 'running' or 'giving up' - this is about you getting in a more emotionally stable environment. It's sweet that you're so devoted, but you don't seem to value yourself enough. You DESERVE a happy low-stress home.
Quest Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I really really hate to say this, but I think it's time to move. If you stay, it will be over for sure, but if you go, you might have 1/2 a chance. But probably not--it sounds like she's just too cowardly to come right out and break up. Still, get some space in there and fast. Stepka is right. If you really want to give this relationship a chance the only way is to give it some space. It will die a slow, or not so slow, death if you continue as you are. You need to do this for your own self esteem too. She's not taking your feelings into consideration at the moment at all and if she is to have any respect for you it will only be if you show her you won't be treated this way. You don't deserve to be treated this way - no-one does. Maybe when you get some space again you might see that for yourself and review the relationship on your terms.
make me believe Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 She probably misses her ex who she lived with for SIX MONTHS and LIED ABOUT while you two were dating! Why are you just glossing over that huuuuuge problem?? She had her ex-boyfriend living with her, and told you it was her cousin. She disrespected you for months and only told you the truth right before you were to move in. Yeah, I'm sure she "didn't do anything with him" Please. Don't worry -- you'll probably get the full story on what really happened when her ex was living there in another six months. Wow.
alexlakeman Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 1. Six months of dating = too soon. 2. ALWAYS have them move into your place; that way it's easier at time of split; they have to rush out and find somewhere to stay vs being in your shoes now..PLUS, you have more pull in being the dumper if you want to kick her out.
Recommended Posts