Small Talk ... How to?

[SilentVoice]

Okay I am not the most charming person, Yadda yadda yadda and all that jazz. Well to the point.

 

I personally have a real hard time making small talk but I don't see myself as a quiet person(just a little socially awkward) .For example when I am with my friends; I have no problems keeping conversations or making jokes. But when it comes to new people or strangers I am completely stuck.

Ok the guy I am seeing,effing(to be politically correct).We didn't start off being friends, so we really never had conversations beyond ,"so we going to do this" - "lets get tested" and stuff sex related. But that isn't the point I am not looking to converse with him, but I all around don't want to seem so cold when it comes to people.

 

Even when I meet his friends, I was like a complete mute -- beyond "hi " and "Bye".

 

Ok well the point of this being on a " Dating " forum . I think it would be a great value to me for people give some pointers on how to make small talk and seem interested around people. Being that these are things people use while dating. I don't know.. I hope fellow Ls'ers can shine some light on my situation.

 

Since when I was dating many guys tell me .. I always seemed uninterested and just uncaring. Which is something I really dont want to continue.

Thanks in advance!!

 

 

[Sabali]

Here is what you have to do. Come close and close the door.

 

 

Now where ever you go from now on just start talking to people. I mean everywhere!

 

Talk to the old lady standing in the grocery line.

 

Talk to your neighbor about his lawn and ask him what fertilizer he uses to keep it so nice.

 

Ask the guy sitting next to you on the bus about the book he is reading.

 

Comment to your coworker about the weather.

 

Force your self just to open your mouth and start blabbing. Be playful. Before you know it, people won't be able to shut you up and you will be the person on the airplane getting murderous stares.

 

Baby steps is the key. Simple small talk and nothing deep.

[Enchanted Girl]

Ask people questions. I don't know of anyone who doesn't like to talk about themselves.

 

Ask how they are doing or ask about a t-shirt they are wearing or if you're in their house, make a comment about one of their movies or about one of the decorations.

 

Every detail you find out about a person, ask them to elaborate on it.

 

I don't know. People who ask questions seem the most interested and warm of all people. And don't be afraid to throw in a comment or two if you happen to know something about the subject. It makes people feel instantly like they can relate to you because you have something in common.

[SilentVoice]

Thanks both... these are really great pointers

 

I really want to do better ... sigh this almost seems silly

 

I am just nervous that people really don't care what I say , or even want to have a random conversation.

 

Ok , ok I really have to get over that .

 

I will do better :-)

 

Thanks again

 

I am going to try maybe actually saying to people at my local grocery store tomorrow. My best friend recently moved in with me to the block I lived on all my life and already know these people on a first name basis.

[zengirl]

Don't think of it as "small talk." Thinking of it as "small talk" instantly denigrates it. The people who call it that are the people who are bad at it or have become good at it in that fake way we try to emulate healthy, attractive qualities without actually changing to adapt them. Think of it as getting to know someone who interests you. Think of people as interesting. Think of the world as fun and wonderful to discuss.

 

People who go into "Small Talk" just to (a) Get people to like them or (b) Get to the "real talk" (whatever that is) aren't going to be good at it because they're missing the point. They're belittling it, usually without realizing it.

 

Be interesting and have interests: I wasn't as good at talking to new people back when I wasn't as interesting, hadn't done/seen as much, and my interests weren't as distinct and developed. What makes you awesome? What makes you who you are? Sometimes, people feel like they can't talk about that stuff at first, and to a degree, sometimes you can't --- by which I mean, I, for example, attend Buddhist ceremonies and go to meditation, but in America, I live and work in a society where it basically looks bad if I say anything too strongly about a faith other than Christianity (and then half my friends are strong atheists, so I could get it from both sides), so I don't lead with that. That said, it's not like I've never discussed meditation or a Buddhist koan early on in a conversation with someone; it's a matter of degree. I'm always endlessly me.

 

Be interested in people: Asking questions is good. Talking to everyone is good. But just doing it isn't enough --- you have to actually want to hear the answer.

 

Be positive: Assuming you want to be around healthy people. . . Healthy people react strongly to happy, positive people. Even people who aren't optimists love being around optimists (unless they're so cynical optimists piss them off). Being a happy, positive person attracts good people and great conversations. Be careful to watch your thoughts and words for criticisms (of anything---not just the person), especially in early conversations. I don't mean you have to pretend everything is great, but most people try to start to many relationships with complaining. It doesn't work so well.