She's going overseas.

[ALittleWorried]

I posted a thread of similar nature that received no replies possibly due to its length. I'll shorten things a little.

 

I've been seeing a girl for the last year. She booked a trip to go overseas this year, however, it was before she met me. It was after her ex boyfriend of 5 years left her after cheating on her.

 

In the last year, she's had a wall up, she didn't want to get close to me (or anyone) due to the fact that she wanted to go overseas with no "baggage" left back at home; she's only going for 6 weeks.

 

Earlier in the year, we split; again, due to her not wanting commitment until she returned from overseas.

 

Less than two weeks later she came back into my life. Since then, we've been extremely close. In simple terms, we're a couple.

 

Earlier in the year I told her that whatever happens overseas happens. I told her to experience life and what it has to offer. However, now that I'm in love, things are a little more complicated. I know this girl loves me (through a mutual friend) but she hasn't yet told me. It's not a term she expresses to anyone.

 

I have complete trust in this girl and have never thought of her doing the "dirty" on me. However, earlier this year, I did give her a guilt free pass. The thing is, if she returns (and she'll let me know if she's hooked up with anyone) and tells me that she fooled around overseas, I don't think that we could ever be back to where we were.

 

She has told me that she's prepared to come back to me, but I don't know if I'd be prepared to go back to her.

 

Ladies (and gents I guess), if you're in love with someone and travel overseas for a short period of time, would you even consider fooling around? She's an extremely attractive young female (22) and I know that guys are going to be all over her...

 

Thoughts?

[lab_brat]

If i was in love with someone in a monogamous relationship, then no, i wouldn't fool around.

 

If, however, i was in love with someone who had told me that they were ok with me going out and fooling around, then i don't know- probably not, because am not really into sleeping with strangers, but who knows - maybe? Really depends on the situation.

 

Look, it sounds like, right or wrong, its a real deal breaker for you. You need to talk to her about it - so that at least she knows that if she does, she might lose you. You can't just say nothing then get mad at her for doing it, because she thinks you think its ok.

[that girl]

You need to talk to her.

 

She didn't want to commit, so I see where the guilt free pass came in.

 

But you have every right to revoke it. The thing is, she might not want to be with you enough to give it up. And if that is the case, you need to end things for your own mental health.

[StarrySkyBlue]

In my opinion, 6 weeks is nothing! And, no, if it were me I wouldn't fool around. However, you did tell her yourself that it was okay if something happened, so she might have taken it literally. It depends on what kind of person she is and how she views physical intimacy and relationships in general.

 

I think you need to talk to her about this -- that you've thought about it and you feel like you won't be okay if something happens while she's overseas. It seems you're uncomfortable with the idea of casual sex, and if she doesn't hold the same view, you're gonna clash later on in the relationship anyway. It's better than you establish that understanding now and if you can't accept each other's viewpoint, end it before you get too deep.

[ALittleWorried]

If i was in love with someone in a monogamous relationship, then no, i wouldn't fool around.

 

If, however, i was in love with someone who had told me that they were ok with me going out and fooling around, then i don't know- probably not, because am not really into sleeping with strangers, but who knows - maybe? Really depends on the situation.

 

Look, it sounds like, right or wrong, its a real deal breaker for you. You need to talk to her about it - so that at least she knows that if she does, she might lose you. You can't just say nothing then get mad at her for doing it, because she thinks you think its ok.

 

I'm going to be spending quite a bit of time with her before she leaves so i'll most definitely be having a talk about it. I'm not going to give her an ultimatum and let her decide what she really wants. She is a genuine and caring girl. She's never had a one night stand and I'm only her second partner. From what her friends have told me, she's more of a relationship kind of girl and that's something i've picked up on in the last few months.

[ALittleWorried]

You need to talk to her.

 

She didn't want to commit, so I see where the guilt free pass came in.

 

But you have every right to revoke it. The thing is, she might not want to be with you enough to give it up. And if that is the case, you need to end things for your own mental health.

 

In relation to having every right to revoke it, I agree. As of late, we've laughed about how we once used to tell eachother that it was okay to hook up with other people (although we never did). She has told me that the thought of me in bed with another woman makes her sick in the stomach. Don't get me wrong, she has been rather positive about our relationship and i've been given the vibe that she won't fool around, but hey, once people leave the country, things do change...

[ALittleWorried]

In my opinion, 6 weeks is nothing! And, no, if it were me I wouldn't fool around. However, you did tell her yourself that it was okay if something happened, so she might have taken it literally. It depends on what kind of person she is and how she views physical intimacy and relationships in general.

 

I think you need to talk to her about this -- that you've thought about it and you feel like you won't be okay if something happens while she's overseas. It seems you're uncomfortable with the idea of casual sex, and if she doesn't hold the same view, you're gonna clash later on in the relationship anyway. It's better than you establish that understanding now and if you can't accept each other's viewpoint, end it before you get too deep.

 

She's the kind of girl that loves kissing / hugging after sleeping with me. She's more of the romantic type than wild. However, she does have a wild side in her that she's been showing more (with me) as of late.

 

I'm not uncomfortable with casual sex at all. I've had quite a few partners myself. If I'm "seeing" someone, I couldn't really care less what they're doing behind closed doors as I'm probably doing the same. I didn't think I'd fall so hard for this girl and I think that feeling is mutual on her side. It's hard to think about the girl you love being having a drunken one night stand on the other side of the world.

 

Regardless of what happens, she's assured me that she's prepared to come back to me. I really could see a future with this girl, however, I have far too much pride and would end things if she told me that she had fooled around overseas. Simply for the fact that I couldn't do it to her, not at this stage in our relationship.

 

Sorry about the multiple posts. I'm not too sure on how to insert multiple quotes on this board.

 

Thanks for the feedback thus far guys.