Problems problems problems with gf of 2 yrs

[pad.roc]

Hello everyone,

 

I have been thinking about this a lot recently and came to these forums while searching on google for similar problems that guys face with their gfs. Me n my gf have been dating for 2 yrs, we are of the same age(mid twentys) and studying/working in the same field.

 

So here are all the issue(s) that I have been having with her-

 

1. It seems to me like the only negative emotion she can experience is anger. When shes nervous-she gets angry, when shes worried-she will be angry,etc, etc. And it doesnt take a lot for her to get angry. For eg. when we are cooking together, she will ask me for something, I will take a few extra seconds trying to find something in the kitchen and her fuse will go off. She will get angry and say "hurry up, the food will get burnt, why are you so slow" and that just isnt the end of it, if i retort with something like "ok, ok, no need to get so angry", she will be mad at me for the next 1-2 hrs and we spend the dinner eating in uncomfortable silence.(She doesnt respond at all to small talk or my efforts to distract her mind when shes upset. I have tried giving her space, talking patiently, nothing works). I feel scared that in the future, if we get married, have kids, jobs, her outbursts will increase more and I will have to deal with all the problems on my own, bcoz she will be busy getting angry, throwing tantrums about how life is unfair. This is just one eg. she will stay mad at small things for really long periods of time (2-3 hours for petty things)

 

2. If shes upset/mad/angry/tired/bored, I am expected to cheer her up, be patient if she snaps at me and basically do anything to make her happy(which I dont mind doing once a while). All this time, she will keep banging doors, stomping her feet when walking and sulking, and if I just ignore her tantrums(hoping to give her some time and space), she will get more upset and ask me "Dont you care for me anymore..dont you love me anymore...are you bored of me". She expects me to sit with a sad face each time shes in a bad mood. Which if I do, she will say "why are you so moody, I am fine, you are the only whos been quiet and upset". So I am really confused each time she has one of those anger fits, which is atleast once a week minimum.

 

But one day if I am really tired or irritated, she will treat me with anger, irritation or just ignore me altogether. She can have 3-4 bad days every week and I cant have 1 in a month.

 

3. She will complain about everything and almost everything is somehow my fault. She keeps telling me that you nobody is perfect, but when we argue she has never once said "ok maybe it was my fault, I overreacted". Even when we make up after an argument, she will playfully keep saying "you shouldnt fight with me, you are always fighting with me"

 

4. She never dresses up, doesnt even groom herself. She has ignored the legs on her hair and her face for 1-2 months now and it looks disgusting. She will wear baggy loose jeans and loose tshirts all the time, doesnt workout and is in a terrible shape. I have tried to encourage her by buying new clothes myself (the ones she liked), got a new haircut, started working out and given her subtle hints like " I am gonna get in shape, dress up and look hot, u better catch up". She will just laugh and change the topic. Shes just very lazy in this regard. Most of the days, I spend more time on self grooming than she does (and I am not a metrosexual or whatever)

 

I know those are a lot of problems, but after writing all this, I feel the major issue is her lack of control over her anger and never accepting the fact that she might be wrong. Sorry about the long post, but I felt like I needed to vent a little bit.

 

Please give me your opinions/advice. I am really confused, its easy to say break up with her or find someone else, but its very hard to do the same. I am really tired and exhausted of this and dont know what to do

[phineas]

Why are you still with her again?

My buddy married someone EXACTLY like your GF.

 

He literally has created his own personal hell on earth.

[hats]

IMO you created this situation by not having any boundaries. People will treat you the way you let them treat you. You said that you can't leave her, and she probably knows this and has lost respect for you. She's starting to doubt whether you're good enough for her, that's why every little thing makes her angry. You need to be able to walk away from bad behavior.

[cabarc1]

You know, when i was younger i used to do the exact same thing to my ex bf. Except i physically took care of myself. My ex sounds exactly like you. I had lost complete respect for him and had become terribly spoiled. I hate to say this but you will never gain that respect back unless you put your foot down and leave. She has no respect for you. I didn't get angry with him over every single thing but definitely threw a tantrum if i didn't get my way and would sit there pissed off the entire time, even when he tried to make me feel better. (even when it wasn't his fault)

 

It wasn't like that for the first 2 years and we talked about how our relationship had gotten to this, we did have some drama occur the first year of our realtionship(cheated on me) and that's where it all started but, i'm the one that ended up leaving him in the end. I hated the way i treated him and felt like we needed time apart to see what the problem was. I wasn't happy anymore and if we would have continued together at that time he would have been treated like crap and he really deserved better, and SO DO YOU!

 

Since then i've realized i was VERY immature back then. That was my first relationship. I really did learn a lot about myself and know that i would NEVER be like that again. I loved my ex more than anything but just wasn't happy with him anymore (obviously there is much more to the story). She sounds like she's not happy with you either. I suggest you leave her. She's not going to realize how good she truly has it until you're gone. I realized that after being apart from my ex. But that's something i would never have realized until we were apart. She's not going to change while yall are together. You're upset now, it's only going to get worse

[make me believe]

She sounds incredibly immature and lazy, and I agree with the others who said she has no respect for you. What are you getting out of this relationship? She expects you to be responsible for her happiness, but isn't willing to try to make YOU happy in return. I bet people will come in & say maybe she's depressed (because of her lack of grooming & personal hygiene), but it sounds to me like she is just lazy and doesn't think you're worth the effort it takes to look good.

 

I think you should get out of this relationship. I know it is hard and it seems impossible sometimes. But this is only going to go downhill from here. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who snaps at you and then sulks for 1-2 hours because you spent a few seconds longer than she thought was necessary in the kitchen?!?