Do relationships in your early twenties generally ever last?

[dazed1989]

Hi all, I guess I'd be considered one of the younger members on this board judging from all the threads and posts I've read. Simple question here, do you think they ever last?

 

I'm 20 and dating a 20 year old female who talks about moving in with me someday, marriage, blahblahblah, says she'd go to the moon and back for me, yet never compromises for me, never does anything I want to do if she doesn't want to do it (eg. I'll goto a chick flick every once in a while but she won't go to a movie I want to see every blue moon)

 

I pay for her dinners, help her with school sometimes when it isn't convenient for me. Basically I give 100% all of the time. I don't understand how she can talk about moving in with me and stuff yet say things like "I give you more than you deserve" sometimes (which really I do not believe at all, it disgusted me to hear that because she does very little for me).

 

Do girls in their 20's just talk about marriage, moving in together etc more for the idea of it and not because they actually want to? Are relationships in your early twenties "fake" and "meaningless" when you look back on them when you're older?

[linwood]

In my experience women in their twenties are far to narcissistic to make for good relationship partners.

[Fouts]

It depends on a person's life experience at that point. Those that are sheltered or have very little of it are not good partner's to be settling down with. They need to live a little first.

[ADF]

They're not fake or meaningless, and a few of them do result in life long unions. However, most do not. People change a lot. The odds of finding a life partner in your late teens or early 20s are slim. It is not impossible, just very unlikely.

[livinlovin]

Sounds like she's got a good gig going. You do all the work in the relationship, and she gets all of the benefits. If she's someone who likes that sort of thing, then I can see why she's talking about signing up long term.

[livinlovin]

In answer to your question about finding a life partner in your early twenties, I think it is extremely difficult. I got married at 22/23 and was divorced a few short years later. At that age, you don't know yet who you truly are, and your SO doesn't either. You may get lucky and grow together, but it is also very possible that you can mature into two people who don't really like or respect each other.

[AbAeterno]

The problem I have is that people are ALWAYS changing and finding out new things about themselves. Those changes may or may not result in people diverging down the line. What's important is what changes get made and where your values lie to begin with, I think.

[dave22]

My sister and her husband started dating in high school. They've been together 15 years now (married for 8) and as far as I can tell they have a good marriage. So it can happen, although you don't see it too often. Anyways, you need to date in your early 20s so you have a better idea about what you are looking for in terms of a relationship. Just don't get too committed, too quickly or you may regret it later.

[Kristine]

Well in my mom's generation it was pretty common and expected to be married in your early twenties. He sister married her high school sweetheart and they are still together. My mom married my dad who passed 5 years ago but they were together for 34 years, she was 22 when they married.

 

With that said, none of my 20 something relationships have lasted. But some do, doesn't sound to me like yours will though, mainly because you're unhappy now.

[DanniBaby]

She seems to know that you are the one who will go to the moon and back for her, and she will never want to let that go. Im sure bringing up how you feel only raises and arguement, therefore, you should ask yourself if you're willing to deal with this forever. I couldnt deal with this for a week. Relatioships at this age tend to be fairly one sided. thats not to say that it will not work, but maturity may be a large factor.

[aerogurl87]

If both people are 100% committed to making the relationship work it can work. But in this day and time of self gratification and selfishness among youth that's highly unlikely. And your girlfriend seems to fall into that category. I'm 20 also, and everytime I date I give my all to my relationships when they begin to get serious. Still haven't found someone willing to do the same yet, but who knows maybe my new guy will prove me wrong.

[xxoo]

I'm 20 and dating a 20 year old female who talks about moving in with me someday, marriage, blahblahblah, says she'd go to the moon and back for me, yet never compromises for me, never does anything I want to do if she doesn't want to do it

 

Actions speak louder than words. When someone says one thing, but does another, listen to their actions. Her actions demonstrate her true feelings.

 

In answer to the general question, sure, relationships that begin in the early 20s can go the distance. But it depends on the maturity of the people involved, and your 20 yo girlfriend doesn't sound all that mature.

[Pfiend101]

It has been my experience that the answer to your question is a No. Though the girls have seemed very immature. That probably has something to do with it.

[dazed1989]

Thanks, I agree that they could go the distance like some of the posters have as well. However, I think there has to be a huge level of commitment/attraction and sacrifice. The girl I have now is a party animal / social butterfly and often does things unaware and care free to how it affects me. I suffer to try and make it work sometimes because I do care about her a lot (and she is super hot) but I question whether it's worth it where we're so young and it's probably doomed to fail anyway. May help in my decision making.

[troggleputty]

OP,

 

it's obvious your sex life with this woman is unsatisfactory. Yet you haven't talked about that.

 

Why is it obvious?

 

Simply because if you were getting mind blowing sex from her, none of her various irritating little traits would be bothering you at all.

 

When the sex isn't working everything else goes to sh*t pretty quickly though.

 

You also say she's a social butterfly.

 

Sounds like she will be cheating on your sooner or later given the disdain in which she holds you.

[Knittress]

There's a reason they're called 'relationship SKILLS.' Most of the knowledge a person needs to make a relationship work is not inborn. It requires much time and practice, most often obtained through failure. This is why I think many early 20s relationships fail, that lack of experience of what it takes to keep things from falling apart- and NOT because they're "meaningless" or either party loves the other any less.

[dazed1989]

Troggleputty, I hate to admit it but you're right. The reasons for this are many. We both have high sex drive, but she's a party animal and it's hard to get alone time to stay in and have sex or watch a movie or whatever. She'd rather go get wasted. This ends up being blamed on me though.

 

Another, she expects me to get erected like a light switch ie., no foreplay just straight up demanded sex. I love sex, but I also love easing into it, not parking it in her right off the bat.

 

I don't know if this would be considered her being "bad in bed" or if this is my issue. I've been involved with girls before but nothing like this where she doesn't want foreplay done to her and won't do any to me. It's hard to get in the mood in a split second sometimes.

Edited March 28, 2010 by dazed1989

[flyguy23]

i have the same type of girlfriend man, it sucks. I know I will probably end up dumping her soon

[AbAeterno]

I used to have a girlfriend like this. Key word here being "used to." Next!

[DustySaltus]

The way society works these days is that your 20's are meant to explore. If you settle down in your 20's you're looked at as if you're missing out on "experiencing things".

 

By the time you get to your late 20's to early 30's, the market is flooded with women looking to settle down, mostly because the clock is ticking.