should i say something or just disappear?

[Lucky555]

As i have posted before about the guy i am in a "so called exclusive" relationship with.....I was wondering since I have not seen the guy for three weeks now out of two months being exclusive, I find it necessary to not have any contact with him anymore. This week we only talked one time. Not exactly the ideal way things should be progressing. These past couple of time i have initiated contact and I have not had the courage within me to say anything.

 

So since he isn't displaying interest, I don't want to deal with it anymore, should i just delete all forms of contact of him and disappear? To me its like he only contacts me when he feels like it. He has not been setting dates or anything...so I say why bother even ending it because its not like he actually cares.

 

It sounds like i am coward its just i have been stressed with life in general and I dont want anymore and I don't want someone who enters in and out of my life just for his "fun".

 

What do you all think? only talked to him five days ago, for a two month exclusive relationship this seems really really pathetic.

[single-n-lonely]

Lucky555, I don't think theres anything wrong with "disappearing". it's not being a coward. he doesnt deserve you being straightforward. he has to already know where its going anyway. good luck!

[Lucky555]

Lucky555, I don't think theres anything wrong with "disappearing". it's not being a coward. he doesnt deserve you being straightforward. he has to already know where its going anyway. good luck!

 

ok, I will avoid him and get rid of contact. it seems really unreal that things between him and I are this way when he and i have already discussed what we both wanted in relationships.

 

Part of me wants the closure to say its over to him..but part me says he will just come up with another excuse.

 

thanks for the post

[Twenty-ten]

Disappearing just means staying exactly as you are, and when he deems it a whim he will call you up again to take care of his needs, be it emotional or physical. I say you confront this situation in order to close the door for good. Tell him that because of how things have been and the lack of interest you are concluding that the relationship (or whatever it was) is over, therefore wish him good luck and a good life but that you will no longer wish to be in contact with him as YOU are moving on.

And I wouldn't entertain any excuses from him if he does try to come back with some. Definitely do not respond beyond that. You have made it clear you want nothing more to do with him you owe him nothing more.

[phineas]

usually agreeing you are "exclusive" means he's supposed to get sex.

him not collecting on that sounds very strange.

[aroll32]

When I went a couple weeks without talking to my ex it was basically because I didn't want to talk to her, and it was a sign the relationship was coming to an end (it was a bit cowardly and immature thing to do I might add). We did talk occasionally, but it was always pretty brief. There are more details on why but I don't feel it's necessary. All I'm saying is that this guy is probably doing what I did, and he's probably going to break it off soon. I think you should either disappear or try to break up with him first. That way you didn't give him the chance.

[boogieboy]

Im pretty sure he doesnt care if you dont call him. So go ahead and dissappear, no one gets hurt, closure isnt necessary since its pretty obvious that he's not interested. Just make sure that if he calls you either ignore him, or say something as soon as you pick up the phone.

[pandagirl]

whoops, thought i started a new thread! don't pay attention to this post!

Edited March 6, 2010 by pandagirl

[Lucky555]

I have decided I will not be disappearing so soon. hahaha

 

Instead of avoiding this I am going to stand up for myself! I basically had sent him a casual email. I think its best to figure out if he is going to take it or leave it. I figure its best to discuss issues i have face to face. If this can't happen then I am going to say well its obviously not working. I have known him far too long to just disappear and it does not seem right to me. So i am fully prepared for whatever is going to happen.

[Sharla]

I have decided I will not be disappearing so soon. hahaha

 

Instead of avoiding this I am going to stand up for myself! I basically had sent him a casual email. I think its best to figure out if he is going to take it or leave it. I figure its best to discuss issues i have face to face. If this can't happen then I am going to say well its obviously not working. I have known him far too long to just disappear and it does not seem right to me. So i am fully prepared for whatever is going to happen.

 

You shouldn't just disappear and you have every right to address your concerns. His response may not be favorable but it doesn't really sound like there's much of a relationship, from what you've posted. So, I'm sure that's why your alarm bells are going off in which case, its good that you said something.

[ADF]

No one, man or woman, should EVER just disappear. Never, never, NEVER! That is the worst possible thing you can do to someone. You'd be kinder to punch them in the face than do a disappearing act. The only people who disappear are cowardly scum who only want to make things as easy as possible on themselves and have no respect for other human beings. People who just disappear all deserve to be beaten bloody with baseball bats. Don't do it.

[Lucky555]

No one, man or woman, should EVER just disappear. Never, never, NEVER! That is the worst possible thing you can do to someone. You'd be kinder to punch them in the face than do a disappearing act. The only people who disappear are cowardly scum who only want to make things as easy as possible on themselves and have no respect for other human beings. People who just disappear all deserve to be beaten bloody with baseball bats. Don't do it.

 

I really was feeling like there was nothing happening between the guy and I and this made me feel insecure for a few days. I have been stressed so much lately that i have not been wanting to deal with the issues. Now that I have a little less stress I can handle what he has to say. A few days ago i probably would have not been in the right state of mind to cope with this.

 

I think disappearing is not the answer too

[Patrice]

Too funny, I dated a guy for about 3 months. He was calling me every night as he lives over an hour a way. I wrote on here about it - then a whole week and he was just gone. I ended up texting him - "are you alive"? He called me the next day - told me yada, yada, yada - he was feeling down over a job loss, his mother wasn't well etc.

 

He came to see me, it was a little awkward - as I think part of the trust I had for him was gone. He began calling me again every night. Then he took a second job that made it next to impossible to see him. I was invited to a party where he lives by a mutual friend and we were supposed to go together - he had to work until 11pm unexpectedly and I told him I was going to just go home. The next morning, his friend e-mailed me - told me what a great time it was and wondered where I was. The friend then told me my "date" brought a lovely woman to the party. Relationship over - I cut him off facebook etc. He tried to write and tell me he and this woman are just friends. Who knows? It's not hard to pick up a phone or send a text or something ..

[Lucky555]

Too funny, I dated a guy for about 3 months. He was calling me every night as he lives over an hour a way. I wrote on here about it - then a whole week and he was just gone. I ended up texting him - "are you alive"? He called me the next day - told me yada, yada, yada - he was feeling down over a job loss, his mother wasn't well etc.

 

He came to see me, it was a little awkward - as I think part of the trust I had for him was gone. He began calling me again every night. Then he took a second job that made it next to impossible to see him. I was invited to a party where he lives by a mutual friend and we were supposed to go together - he had to work until 11pm unexpectedly and I told him I was going to just go home. The next morning, his friend e-mailed me - told me what a great time it was and wondered where I was. The friend then told me my "date" brought a lovely woman to the party. Relationship over - I cut him off facebook etc. He tried to write and tell me he and this woman are just friends. Who knows? It's not hard to pick up a phone or send a text or something ..

 

 

When we know something is not going right...we just know. I am actually going to ask him if there is another person he is interested in and that i don't appreciate him leading me on if this is the case.

 

It seems way too odd. Like i say I am going to see him face to face if i can. However, if he doesn't "have time" with no following date set. I will say goodbye and that i am not interested in being with him anymore. Its all too aloof for me.

[Patrice]

It's just plain dishonest and immature. Really, how does this bode for any kind of a deeper relationship. I got the same thing - "I really hope you're not seeing anyone else" ... the duplicity of that is what led me to just cut him off. He seems really afraid to just pick up the phone and call - and he's 41 years old! Anyway, the party was 5 weeks ago - I'm pretty well over the whole thing at this point. Live and learn

[Patrice]

One more footnote - his friend keeps trying to chat with me on yahoo and g-mail .. what's up with that? I don't know who the liar is - both of them seem like gamers to me.

[Lucky555]

One more footnote - his friend keeps trying to chat with me on yahoo and g-mail .. what's up with that? I don't know who the liar is - both of them seem like gamers to me.

 

 

A guy who is interested will call, contact, and date. I think dating should be fun and enjoyable. Its not fun when there is only one person with true and good intentions.

 

I would just avoid those men and find someone else who can have a good time with you and appreciate who you are as a person.

 

It is rather annoying and frustrating to have people enter your life and not have complete honesty.

 

and....i think I may be able to do a face to face! I am so excited to finally find out what the problems are. wish me luck.

 

Here is my advise to you, its sad how this guy has treated you but by golly line up a hotter man! Just have fun! Date till you find what you are looking for!

[txsilkysmoothe]

You've posted 10 to 15 threads about this guy and it is always the same - he isn't contacting you, isn't initiating, won't plan a date.

 

It is he that has DISAPPEARED.

 

The only question is "Are you going to keep chasing him?"

[Angel1111]

When we know something is not going right...we just know. I am actually going to ask him if there is another person he is interested in and that i don't appreciate him leading me on if this is the case.

 

It seems way too odd. Like i say I am going to see him face to face if i can. However, if he doesn't "have time" with no following date set. I will say goodbye and that i am not interested in being with him anymore. Its all too aloof for me.

 

I wouldn't ask him anything. Men are rarely upfront about anyting that could cause a woman to get upset or angry. If he were upfront, he would've told you what was going on by now. But he has chosen this chickensh*t way of handling it. So, just let him know that you're ending the relationship. He's not so stupid as to not know the reason, but you can let him know the reason just in case he is that dumb. Tell him that you have certain expectations in a relationship that he's obviously not able to fulfill. But I do think it's important to officially end it.

[Lucky555]

You've posted 10 to 15 threads about this guy and it is always the same - he isn't contacting you, isn't initiating, won't plan a date.

 

It is he that has DISAPPEARED.

 

The only question is "Are you going to keep chasing him?"

 

i am not going to keep chasing him. hahaha. I just think ending it officially is the better way to do things than just disappearing and then having him contact me.

[spiderowl]

Normally, if someone wanted to break up with someone, I'd say tell them and don't leave them wondering what happened, but in your case he's obviously not that interested. It seems to me if he can't be bothered to contact you more then once a week of his own volition, you don't owe him anything. He has 'disappeared' to all intents and purposes and only 'reappears' when he feels like it. I think you should just do your own thing and forget about him. If he rings, tell him you've moved on. You have nothing whatsoever to apologise for.

[Lucky555]

I feel really sick.

 

I am heartbroken once again. but i knew this would happen. I knew it was coming.

 

he told me he has not been committing himself and not becoming emotionally involved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

He said it was because of work. I dont believe him. I think he is lying to me.

 

I am still upset because i think he used me and was planning to do so. I am glad i didnt sleep with him

 

I am glad I came here for advise.

 

Oh yea he told me he is still interested. however he is lying. He acted like he cared but what a scum bag.

[nothappyjan]

normally i'd say disappearing is a bad thing after being victim on it...but really this guy has basically disappeared on you first....so give him a taste of his own medicine!!

[2sunny]

actions always show you everything. if he hasn't been making an effort to reach out and/or to see you regularly - he isn't interested enough to make the effort... end of story.

 

why would you have been at all surprised by this recent revelation that he's not available? his actions told you that he had other priorities - which, i'm sure, included a new gal that came along...

 

or he is a guy that only like the chase and became uninterested after you agreed to be exclusive.

 

either way, he's not worth a second thought. spend your energy doing something nice for yourself.

[Lucky555]

actions always show you everything. if he hasn't been making an effort to reach out and/or to see you regularly - he isn't interested enough to make the effort... end of story.

 

why would you have been at all surprised by this recent revelation that he's not available? his actions told you that he had other priorities - which, i'm sure, included a new gal that came along...

 

or he is a guy that only like the chase and became uninterested after you agreed to be exclusive.

 

either way, he's not worth a second thought. spend your energy doing something nice for yourself.

 

I know, I didn't cry as much as i thought i would. It just sucks that this happened.

 

I will not have any further contact with him. I knew something was happening but i waited too long to find out. I just thought he was a jerk for never ending.