goldencloud Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I'm not sure if any of you remember me, but I had written many posts in the past regarding various gentlemen with whom nothing ever went anywhere. I had the man who would be into me but: - would disappear after three weeks with no explanation - would not text me back after dates - who i had to customise myself for - who would just want me for the physical 'promises' and jump ship the minute he realised that buying me dinner did not equate to dessert served in the shape of me in his bed - the older man who fooled me and used my naivete to his advantage etc etc etc...I could go on and on and on top of all this, I kept wondering what was wrong with me, what I not good enough? pretty enough? smart enough? so i settled for something that was below what i deserved in the end. i assumed lukewarm attention was enough. in other words i sacrificed my own dignity, my own needs to accommodate those that never saw me as a priority and i hurt myself in the process and devalued my own spirit. a few months ago, i thought, enough. im tired of finding faults, im tired of adjusting or settling for those i know will never make me happy but most importantly i am sick and tired of feeling that my self value was somehow attached to these men i was seeing. i mean, i guess i don't have to tell any of you how hard it is to expect a truth like that about yourself. i always considered myself a confident, smart, fun, attractive etc person...but in reality what do these virtues mean if they are just words with no sentiments behind them. how can i say i believe all this about myself if i treat myself so terribly and accept behaviour as i had been accepted... anyways don't want to rant on..but i want to let you guys know that a 2 months ago, i met the most amazing man. a man who sees me for what i am, and as a result of seeing me for me wants to know more. a man who doesn't expect me to be anything but me. and it was lovely and it is scary. i don't need to wonder where i stand with this man because he shows me everyday through his actions and not through baseless words. naturally there is no guarantee in anything in reference to life, love etc..but this experience has made me remember who i was before i got involved with the messes of the past year or so..and also re-confirmed to my heart that no one, man or woman, is worth stressing your soul over. if he or she cannot see you for what you are, then no explanations, phone games, personality customisations, nights spent worrying over lack of texts/rings will change that. just my two cents.
mortensorchid Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 That's a wonderful story! I wish you much good fortune with this situation.
OnlyJake Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 You know what they say: the sun even shines on a dog's ass occasionally.
Author goldencloud Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 Thank you so much guys! When I think about how much I used to compromise in reference to who I was, and what I wanted, I cringe! I had put all these men I dated on some form of pedestal - even when they didn't deserve a sliver of it! To think how much time I wasted trying to find fault in myself. Yes, no one is perfect, I'm first to say I have flaws, but the main point is, no one has the right to make you feel as though you are on standby...and that's what I was...on standby!
paleblue Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 (edited) that is a great story golden cloud. i am currently stuck somewhere in that mess that you were going thru. i feel like i am stuck in the mother of all storms. Edited February 11, 2010 by paleblue
Satisfaction Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Oh wow! Thanks for this. I'm really glad to hear a positive one. Congratulations and wish you two happiness and love and sunday mornings in bed reading the papers Where did you meet him by they way? I wanna go hang out there see if i can find any mr wonderfuls too
Author goldencloud Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 Thank you so much PaleBlue. I may not know your full story but trust me when I understand 'that feeling' of just being so beyond disheartened. For the longest time, I couldn't understand AT ALL how I managed to get dates, or meet various men but have it go no where. It just seemed that each of them seemed to be after one thing or another, and in the end it just seemed that I had to mould myself to fit within their expectations but it still wasn't enough. And even the times it was enough, it made me feel like sh*t, like I was a lesser person. To be honest, it was a very hard truth to accept about myself. I say this because I had always prided myself as someone who thought well of them self( even if I was effectively fooling myself), and also I didn't want others to see how weak I truely was when it came to men I liked. Jerks went for me, and I went with it. Aside from a few guys, which I wasn't interested in, NO ONE I actually liked treated me the way I wanted to be treated or deserved, not even close. Not to say they were all terrible, they weren't, but the point is, I was getting what I wanted. It wasn't enough for me to just sit and go through the whole pointless waiting around, and it's so embarrasing to think that I did. When one wouldn't message me after a date, I'd wait for like 4 days, and think 'well I might just send a casual text'. Furthermore I wasn't open to the idea of just hooking up or having sex with any of them, but YET I went for guys I knew DEEP inside just were looking for that, and I had some grandoise notion I would change that. I could go on forever, but whatever the 'man issue' I have been there on some level, and even if circumstances differ...the sh*tty feeling is STILL the same. I guess, a few months ago, I just woke up and thought to myself, my gosh, who is this guy to make me feel as though I am worth so little. But more disturbingly why do I let him treat me as though I am as significant as dust. And maybe it's not even the men's fault, but rather my OWN fault because by not setting boundaries in reference to what was acceptable and what wasn't, I VALIDATED their treatment of me. People should treat you as you treat them, and no one is greater then the other. The right person for you will not make you feel like a lump of d*ung, just as you wouldn't make him feel that way. I didn't expect my current man to come along, but he came at a point where I was tired of adjusting myself to suit the various men I had dated. I was tired of pretence, and just reached a point where I was like 'f*ck it, if you can't deal with me as I am, don't bother dealing with me at all'. This is not to say I turned into some ranting, angry bitter woman, but rather just one that was TIRED of denying myself the PLEASURE of being myself. As I said earlier, no one is perfect but the right person for you will know this, just as you will know that about him. It wasn't easy AT ALL to come to this realisation because it sucked big time to see how weak I had been, when all along I thought I was being strong when in reality I was being played, and playing along into a player's trap. I hope this helps.
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