Absolutely Curtains Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Just reading through some of the threads on here has made me think about my guy and past relationships as well. Sparked my curiosity. Recently b/f and I were out with some of his friends (both male and female). I forget how this happened, but somehow one of my friends was brought up in conversation. One of b/f's friends (drunkenly) asked to be hooked up with her, and my b/f commented two or three times on how incredibly hot my friend is. (He's mentioned to me before that he thinks she's good looking but not that great, so I'm not sure where this change in opinion came from.) The next day he said something about hooking my friend up with his friend. I think he was asking if she'd really be interested or something like that. I ran down a list of his friend's qualities that she would like (or wouldn't as the case may be), and finally commented that his friend was really cute. B/f got really quiet and changed the subject. I've noticed that other guys get like that too - they seem to get uncomfortable if you comment on how their friends look, yet they have no problem commenting on how other girls (your friends) look. Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I've noticed that other guys get like that too - they seem to get uncomfortable if you comment on how their friends look, yet they have no problem commenting on how other girls (your friends) look. Why is that? Cause they're weak. Link to post Share on other sites
OndaChin Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 In my opinion (as a male): On a subconcious level He probably feels that you might be interested in "mating" with a rival. That rival happens to be his friend- therefore, he shuts it down (instinctually). As for his queries into your friends? He's potentially accessing the probability of increasing his harem OR atleast gaining favor with his male buddies so they may "hook" him up should he be womanless in the future. *These would be my reasons for such behavior. (It might sound like a game to you- but I assure you, It's not as innocent as it appears. Trust your gut feelings on this because their probably right on!!) Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Well I did date this one woman for a couple of months, she had a quirky habit. Whenever she met one of my friends, later, when we were talking she would start asking me questions about whether he had a giant penis or not and whether he liked slender brunettes. Well of course she -was- a slender brunette, and I would just tell her I had no idea whether or not he had a giant penis. She would get all pouty and make me promise to ask him later and find out for her. Well, I have to say I found this mildly annoying to the point where whenever she'd meet another of my friends, and then start talking about him, I'd get real quiet, kind of like you describe, and try to change the subject. Don't know why that is, just felt uncomfortable somehow when she would want to talk about those kinds of things. Link to post Share on other sites
OndaChin Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I hear ya on that MeerKat. When I'm out with a woman I'm mating with.... I usually keep other men and women off the "docket" of discussion. I feel that if my woman OR me- ARENT the topic of discussion then I'm one and done! I don't solicit others to my mates unless were going to do a "group thing". Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I don't solicit others to my mates unless were going to do a "group thing". Yeah we would be in bed talking and she would say "that was awesome, I just came 3 times, nothing like a good f*ck," and I'd be like "well that's great baby, how is the rest of the business trip going?" and she would say, "I just told you how it's going, and he's laying right here. Want me to put him on the phone?" and I was starting to get perturbed at this point and may have gotten a mean "tone" in my voice, but anyway said, "No! I don't want you to put him on the phone!" She got all huffy at this point, and started questioning me sexually, "You are such a prude, here I am offering you three way phone sex, and you are pruding out on me, Mr. big hip sexual experimental man, seems you aren't so experimental after all!" And so I gave in and had phone sex with them for awhile, and I don't know, my heart just wasn't in it, but they could tell I was just "phoning" it in and so they just put the phone down on the bed where I could hear, and started going at it again. The phone sex got better for me then for some reason, but it still wasn't real good, I only got off twice. Link to post Share on other sites
counterman Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I think that's the case, he probably thinks you might some sort of interest in his friend or he's jealous that you are complimenting his friend. I commented a few times about one of my ex's friend. First of all, she laughed and played it cool and agreed with me. When I would say it a few times already, I would start to notice she goes a bit quiet and I think she does get a bit jealous. Don't get me wrong, I did compliment my ex here and there but it's just her friend is really nice and she wasn't that nice to me anyways, and she knew this. And, that made her feel guilty. So, she would try to curry favour with me again, so I could compliment her instead of her friend. If that makes sense. Seems all complicated but yes, it's innocent and that's just the way it is. In saying that, I did get jealous too sometimes. Though, not so much about what she says, but more about how she shows it in front of my friends. There was this one guy she would always get all weird around and turns out she was really attracted to him and the rest is history. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I was in a club once and, for some bizarre reason, some professional male dancers got on the dance floor and starting doing a strip dance. Not totally nude but you get the point. I think they were promoting a new male strip club or something. I'm not really sure. But there were couples in the club because it was a happy hour type thing after work. I watched the dancers for awhile but when I looked around the room, the expressions on the men's faces couldn't be mistaken. They were just plain pissed off. I thought about this and realized that if it had been a bunch of women on the dance floor stripping, they would've had a completely different reaction. And they probably would've laughed at the woman they were with if she got jealous, telling her how silly she was. It's been my experience that men simply do not like being compared to other men at all. But they expect women to be ok with it when they do it. Btw, I think your bf's comment about the other woman being 'hot' were really out of line and disrespectful to you. Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Are you telling me that you actually believe that had those been female strippers that the women would have been one iota less pissed off? C'mon now, put dooooown the pipe... just put it down and baaaack away Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Are you telling me that you actually believe that had those been female strippers that the women would have been one iota less pissed off? C'mon now, put dooooown the pipe... just put it down and baaaack away Put down the pipe! No way! Hey, I'm not saying that women wouldn't have been pissed. What I'm saying is that the men would've made fun of their gf's for being jealous about it. Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 hahaha, the women I know would have made fun of their men, or more likely tried to get them to go out there too, and sad thing is most of the men I know, self included, would have Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Just reading through some of the threads on here has made me think about my guy and past relationships as well. Sparked my curiosity. Recently b/f and I were out with some of his friends (both male and female). I forget how this happened, but somehow one of my friends was brought up in conversation. One of b/f's friends (drunkenly) asked to be hooked up with her, and my b/f commented two or three times on how incredibly hot my friend is. (He's mentioned to me before that he thinks she's good looking but not that great, so I'm not sure where this change in opinion came from.) The next day he said something about hooking my friend up with his friend. I think he was asking if she'd really be interested or something like that. I ran down a list of his friend's qualities that she would like (or wouldn't as the case may be), and finally commented that his friend was really cute. B/f got really quiet and changed the subject. I've noticed that other guys get like that too - they seem to get uncomfortable if you comment on how their friends look, yet they have no problem commenting on how other girls (your friends) look. Why is that? Um, childish much? I've never had anyone do this. He must be young. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Absolutely Curtains Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 I thought about this and realized that if it had been a bunch of women on the dance floor stripping, they would've had a completely different reaction. And they probably would've laughed at the woman they were with if she got jealous, telling her how silly she was. It's been my experience that men simply do not like being compared to other men at all. But they expect women to be ok with it when they do it. Btw, I think your bf's comment about the other woman being 'hot' were really out of line and disrespectful to you. This sums up exactly what I think and it just doesn't make any sense to me. In fact, it kinda makes me mad. To be fair about his comment, he may have either been trying to impress his friend, or he may have been mad at me and was being passive aggressive. It didn't occur to me at the time, or even last night when I wrote the OP, but just now I remembered one of the only fights we've ever been in and he made similar passive aggressive comments about another girl's boobs (which were much larger than mine). Not that that excuses his behavior, but his biggest flaw is his nasty, hurtful, condescending attitude when he's disappointed or mad about something. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Just reading through some of the threads on here has made me think about my guy and past relationships as well. Sparked my curiosity. Recently b/f and I were out with some of his friends (both male and female). I forget how this happened, but somehow one of my friends was brought up in conversation. One of b/f's friends (drunkenly) asked to be hooked up with her, and my b/f commented two or three times on how incredibly hot my friend is. (He's mentioned to me before that he thinks she's good looking but not that great, so I'm not sure where this change in opinion came from.) The next day he said something about hooking my friend up with his friend. I think he was asking if she'd really be interested or something like that. I ran down a list of his friend's qualities that she would like (or wouldn't as the case may be), and finally commented that his friend was really cute. B/f got really quiet and changed the subject. I've noticed that other guys get like that too - they seem to get uncomfortable if you comment on how their friends look, yet they have no problem commenting on how other girls (your friends) look. Why is that? Not all guys do this. It just sounds like he's a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I've noticed that other guys get like that too - they seem to get uncomfortable if you comment on how their friends look, yet they have no problem commenting on how other girls (your friends) look. Why is that? One potential is he's sure about how he feels about you and can comment objectively about your friends but is unsure about how you feel about him and takes your comments as a potential threat that he is in competition with another man, even one of his friends, for your attention and interest. As mentioned, a relatively immature perspective, coupled with the probability, if correct, that he might be commenting on your friends to game your jealousy. That would be firmly into jerk territory, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Absolutely Curtains Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 One potential is he's sure about how he feels about you and can comment objectively about your friends but is unsure about how you feel about him and takes your comments as a potential threat that he is in competition with another man, even one of his friends, for your attention and interest. As mentioned, a relatively immature perspective, coupled with the probability, if correct, that he might be commenting on your friends to game your jealousy. That would be firmly into jerk territory, IMO. The more I think about it, the more I think that in this specific case he was either being a p/a douche, or he was trying to impress his friend. B/f is definitely not the jealous type. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I understand the passive aggressive part but want to understand more about the impressing the friend part. Are you postulating that he could raise his social proof with his male circle (impressing them) by hooking up your 'hot' girlfriend with his male friend? Hmm... never thought of it that way. Also, in this particular situation, given that your BF is not the jealous type, what would you have perceived to be a jealous response? I'd like to understand the differences. Perhaps one of my shortcomings wrt attraction is I tend to see guys through the words of women, like you described in your OP. IOW, instead of getting quiet, I'd likely be going yeah, he is pretty hot; hope your friend and him get together. That 'agreement' and 'interest' could lower attraction, whereas, this 'getting quiet' raises interest and attraction due to the mystery of it. It makes you curious. Hmm... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Absolutely Curtains Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 I understand the passive aggressive part but want to understand more about the impressing the friend part. Are you postulating that he could raise his social proof with his male circle (impressing them) by hooking up your 'hot' girlfriend with his male friend? Hmm... never thought of it that way. Also, in this particular situation, given that your BF is not the jealous type, what would you have perceived to be a jealous response? I'd like to understand the differences. Perhaps one of my shortcomings wrt attraction is I tend to see guys through the words of women, like you described in your OP. IOW, instead of getting quiet, I'd likely be going yeah, he is pretty hot; hope your friend and him get together. That 'agreement' and 'interest' could lower attraction, whereas, this 'getting quiet' raises interest and attraction due to the mystery of it. It makes you curious. Hmm... Yup, that's exactly what I meant about impressing his friends. I think that his response could have been a jealous one, I just don't think that he's ever jealous about anything. It's hard for me to imagine him being jealous. Interesting point you make about the silence. That never occured to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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