Would you want to date me?

[Vertex]

Alright, I need some unbridled, pure, brutal honesty here. I need your guys' opinions -- I'm even including a picture of myself, which is something I would normally never do.

 

Basically, I'm an extremely shy recent college graduate, and I seem to have the worst luck with women (perhaps I'm being hard on myself, as I've had two serious girlfriends already, but it's very hard for me to meet girls and show interest). I think it's in part due to shyness, but part of me wonders if it's because I'm ugly or if there's something about me that's off putting. I signed up on that E-Harmony thing for that free-communication weekend (and almost every single one of my matches turned me down!). In real life, it feels rare that someone is attracted to me (either that or I am horrible at giving off the right signs/reading them). Basically, I just need to figure out where I need to improve or why it feels like it's so hard for me to meet people who may be interested. I myself am fairly picky (I absolutely must have an intelligent girl who is honest with a good sense of humor), but it seems like even among the girls I am interested in, luck is thin for me. ANY advice would be much appreciated. Please be honest -- I didn't make this thread for the purposes of sugarcoating or placation, haha.

 

 

I'll just post my profile:

 

 

1. What are you most passionate about?

I am passionate about people, learning new things, foreign languages, music, movies, art, computers, problem-solving, cooking, traveling, exploring, etc. In general, I am interested in trying most things.

 

 

 

 

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?

 

Friends and family, obviously. People are what make life worth living, and what make things interesting.

 

I am thankful for every day I have when I can cook myself a meal and not set something on fire. I've been learning to cook lately, because let's face it -- girls dig guys that can cook. Unfortunately, ramen is not very romantic, so I need to step it up a few hundred notches.

 

I am thankful for times when I wake up in the morning and feel like everything is going well in life -- especially if I wake up early enough so that I don't have anywhere to be for a couple of hours.

 

 

 

 

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

I would say my friends from high school/college have been influential to me. They've been very inspirational and supportive.

 

 

 

 

4. The four things your friends say about you are:

# Creative

# Affectionate

# Caring

# Intelligent

 

 

 

5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?

# Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things

# Being a good friend and companion

# Achieving personal goals

 

 

 

 

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?

I am looking for someone honest, intelligent, affectionate, and has a decent sense of humor.

 

 

 

 

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?

Most people notice that I am fairly shy at first. However, I open up fairly easily and can be just as outgoing as the rest of them once I get to know someone.

 

 

 

 

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

Physically, I think I have pretty cool eyes. They're brown indoors and green outdoors.

 

 

 

 

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?

In my spare time, I usually enjoy going places with friends, tinkering around on the computer, drawing, brushing up on old hobbies, working out/walking, listening to music, watching TV once in a while, and looking for new things to do.

 

 

 

 

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"

# Friends/family

# Good weather (it feels like my mood is linked)

# Humor/fun

# Good food

# The internet, apparently

 

 

 

 

11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?

The last book that I read was probably a Harry Potter book. Yeah, that's right. I've read a Harry Potter book. So what? Don't get me wrong -- I've gotten my fair share of Rand, Orwell, Kingsolver, Sedaris, and Morrison -- but sometimes I like to just relax and read something fun.

 

 

 

 

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.

I sing in the shower sometimes when nobody is around. It's a horrifying phenomenon that nobody should ever have to hear.

 

 

 

 

13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?

I grew up on the west coast, went to college at the University of Pennsylvania/Wharton School over in Philadelphia, and am now living in Austin, Texas -- and may possibly be living in Chicago soon (new job options). I can speak a little Japanese and Mandarin, and am currently learning Korean. There's nothing I won't try at least once. I love meeting new people.

 

 

 

Please be honest -- what thoughts would run through your head upon reading a profile like this? Any advice would make me very happy Thank you!

Edited September 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Ariadne]

It sounds like you are a really good catch.

 

I don't know about your picture because I haven't seen it.

 

But you sound like you have your things together and a good head on your shoulders.

 

All you need to do is continue to be successful and women will shower on you, it may be just a matter of time.

Edited September 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mr.dream merchant]

It sounds like you are a really good catch.

 

I don't know about your picture because I haven't seen it.

 

But you sound like you have your things together and a good head on your shoulders.

 

All you need to do is continue to be successful and women will shower on you, it may be just a matter of time.

 

Rofl that's a gold digger.

[Kamille]

I'm too old for you, but I love your profile and I definitely like your pic. There is something shy looking in the pic though, so you might want to try posting one (for the website) with you showing a confident smile. Just imagine yourself hanging with your close friends and someone you really trust instead of imaginging yourself taking a pic for a dating website.

 

One thing did stand out for me though, that likely explains why you're getting turn downs:

 

am now living in Austin, Texas -- and may possibly be living in Chicago soon (new job options).

 

There's a lot of distance between Texas and Chicago and you're not making either of them sound definitve. This means there's a lot of uncertainty to getting involved with you, especially since the rest of your profile makes you seem like a genuine guy girls could seriously fall for. Perhaps edit that out and mention "moving possibilities" on a first or second date.

 

Hope it helps

 

K

[Ruby Slippers]

I would totally date you. You sound like exactly the kind of guy I love -- sporty, smart, sensitive, creative, caring, fun, and maybe a little bit nerdy. (I love that. )

 

I went to college in Austin and now live in Chicago. Too bad I'm 10 years older than you.

 

I don't think you're going to have any problems.

[Kamille]

Omg! You are adorable!!!

 

Absolutely!

__________

[Ariadne]

I would totally date you. You sound like exactly the kind of guy I love -- sporty, smart, sensitive, creative, caring, fun, and maybe a little bit nerdy. (I love that. )

 

Exactly. He has the winning formula.

[Vertex]

I'm too old for you, but I love your profile and I definitely like your pic. There is something shy looking in the pic though, so you might want to try posting one (for the website) with you showing a confident smile. Just imagine yourself hanging with your close friends and someone you really trust instead of imaginging yourself taking a pic for a dating website.

 

One thing did stand out for me though, that likely explains why you're getting turn downs:

 

 

 

There's a lot of distance between Texas and Chicago and you're not making either of them sound definitve. This means there's a lot of uncertainty to getting involved with you, especially since the rest of your profile makes you seem like a genuine guy girls could seriously fall for. Perhaps edit that out and mention "moving possibilities" on a first or second date.

 

Hope it helps

 

K

 

Ahh, good point -- thanks -- will definitely be editing that out. It was a last-minute addition that I literally stuck in there about two hours ago. Unfortunately, many of the rejections came before I had that little statement in there.

 

I don't particularly like my smile, which is why I tend to stay out of photographs, haha. I'm never quite sure how to pose myself, and going natural-style is also usually a bad idea -- I may as well be mooning the camera.

Edited September 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Bejita463]

1. What are you most passionate about?

I am passionate about people, learning new things, foreign languages, music, movies, art, computers, problem-solving, cooking, traveling, exploring, etc. In general, I am interested in trying most things.

 

Looks like a list more than a description, but not bad.

 

What languages? What music? What movies? Everyone (disabilities aside) speaks a language, listens to some music and watches some movies. You could say the same things you have there by offering examples that say the same thing, but are more descriptive.

 

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?

 

Friends and family, obviously. People are what make life worth living, and what make things interesting.

 

I am thankful for every day I have when I can cook myself a meal and not set something on fire. I've been learning to cook lately, because let's face it -- girls dig guys that can cook. Unfortunately, ramen is not very romantic, so I need to step it up a few hundred notches.

 

I am thankful for times when I wake up in the morning and feel like everything is going well in life -- especially if I wake up early enough so that I don't have anywhere to be for a couple of hours.

I'm not keen on the friends/family bit. Everyone says that. It is boring. I like the rest. I audibly chuckled at the Ramen bit.

 

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

I would say my friends from high school/college have been influential to me. They've been very inspirational and supportive.

What was inspirational about them? What was supportive? You only really answered half of this question.

 

4. The four things your friends say about you are:

# Creative

# Affectionate

# Caring

# Intelligent

 

5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?

# Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things

# Being a good friend and companion

# Achieving personal goals

 

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?

I am looking for someone honest, intelligent, affectionate, and has a decent sense of humor.

I don't really have any opinion on these. They don't jump out as awesome to me, but they aren't bad.

 

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?

Most people notice that I am fairly shy at first. However, I open up fairly easily and can be just as outgoing as the rest of them once I get to know someone.

Using "fairly" twice so close together looks awkward to me. Also, rest of who? Outgoing doesn't mean the same thing to everyone.

 

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

Physically, I think I have pretty cool eyes. They're brown indoors and green outdoors.

I like it, if your eyes really do shift colors that way.

 

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?

In my spare time, I usually enjoy going places with friends, tinkering around on the computer, drawing, brushing up on old hobbies, working out/walking, listening to music, watching TV once in a while, and looking for new things to do.

Looks fine to me, though bordering on being a list again.

 

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"

# Friends/family

# Good weather (it feels like my mood is linked)

# Humor/fun

# Good food

# The internet, apparently

Again, everyone says friends/family. You could probably stand to not imply you are moody when the weather is poor.

 

11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?

The last book that I read was probably a Harry Potter book. Yeah, that's right. I've read a Harry Potter book. So what? Don't get me wrong -- I've gotten my fair share of Rand, Orwell, Kingsolver, Sedaris, and Morrison -- but sometimes I like to just relax and read something fun.

Harry Potter.

 

Yup. That's my feedback here.

 

 

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.

I sing in the shower sometimes when nobody is around. It's a horrifying phenomenon that nobody should ever have to hear.

I like it. Good showcase of humor.

 

 

13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?

I grew up on the west coast, went to college at the University of Pennsylvania/Wharton School over in Philadelphia, and am now living in Austin, Texas -- and may possibly be living in Chicago soon (new job options). I can speak a little Japanese and Mandarin, and am currently learning Korean. There's nothing I won't try at least once. I love meeting new people.

I like it.

 

You look fine to me. I don't dig on the 5 o'clock shadow though. Overall your profile looks fine to me. You come across as intelligent and good humored.

Edited September 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Bejita463]

Ahh, good point -- thanks -- will definitely be editing that out. It was a last-minute addition that I literally stuck in there about two hours ago. Unfortunately, many of the rejections came before I had that little statement in there.

 

 

I don't particularly like my smile, which is why I tend to stay out of photographs, haha. I'm never quite sure how to pose myself, and going natural-style is also usually a bad idea -- I may as well be mooning the camera.

 

I like that picture better. Nothing wrong with your smile.

 

I wouldn't be willing to date you though, were I available, due to your not being anywhere near female enough for me.

Edited September 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Island Girl]

For sure you are good looking with a lot of great things in your favor.

 

And you look to be one of those men who will get better with age.

 

I can see you with a bit more maturity and some "salt" in your hair...and you'd still look great.

[Vertex]

Thanks for the detailed feedback, Bejita -- I definitely agree with all of your points.

 

 

I'm surprised there has been so much positive feedback... now I am genuinely confused, haha. Something just doesn't seem to add up and I'm not really sure what it is. Do you think the IRL shyness would be extremely offputting?

[Kamille]

Love that pic and you have a great smille! I would just crop the towel out of the background. Or take another picture of you with a great smile outside.

 

I haven't done the webdating thing a lot, but what I hear from here is that it can be brutal! So don't take rejection there personally.

 

I reread your profile and here a few other suggestions:

 

add a dish you've learned/are learning to cook to the joke about ramen noodles

 

Unfortunately, ramen is not very romantic, so I need to step it up a few hundred notches.

 

So far, I've learned to make amazing quiche (or whatever you've learned to cook/like to cook).

 

 

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

I would say my friends from high school/college have been influential to me. They've been very inspirational and supportive.

 

 

How have they been influential?

 

 

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?

In my spare time, I usually enjoy going places with friends, tinkering around on the computer, drawing, brushing up on old hobbies, working out/walking, listening to music, watching TV once in a while, and looking for new things to do.

 

A lot of those hobbies are things people do alone. Try to add a few that would include more social activities (going out to dinner is a great one). Where do you go with your friends for instance? What new things would you like to do? Also, try to push the "alone" ones (such as the computer one) towards the back and put "social" ones towards the front.

[threebyfate]

You've got a winning combination for finding someone. I would recommend that you display more of your sense of humour and tell less about yourself. Keep it short and witty, so women have something to find out about you. The more subtle the wit and humour, the more intelligent women you'll attract.

[Island Girl]

You've got a winning combination for finding someone. I would recommend that you display more of your sense of humour and tell less about yourself. Keep it short and witty, so women have something to find out about you. The more subtle the wit and humour, the more intelligent women you'll attract.

 

 

I'd second this. I have never done the personal ad thing (written or responded) but I would think you want to be enticing and spark interest not give a full biography and a sense of humor is always near the top of the list of qualities women look for.

[threebyfate]

I'd second this. I have never done the personal ad thing (written or responded) but I would think you want to be enticing and spark interest not give a full biography and a sense of humor is always near the top of the list of qualities women look for.

That's a good way of putting it...biography. Write it like you're in a convo directly to someone, so it creates an immediate connection.

 

As an analyst myself, it's too easy to write in a way that comes across as...analytical!

[Jerry18]

If you're from Wharton then why aren't you working at Wall Street?

[Vertex]

Not every Wharton graduate wants to work Wall Street -- I've worked it before and it wasn't my cup of tea. I enjoy challenging work, but I found it hard to balance work/social life due to the number of hours I was working. I enjoy problemsolving/finance/computers/etc as long as I have enough to do what I want wiith enough time to have a life outside of work.

[allina]

You sound really honest, intelligent, kind and down to earth. You're also attractive, judging by your picture.

 

However, if I was looking for a date I don't know if you'd jump out as my type. I think you sound a little too sensitive/timid for me.

 

There is definitely nothing wrong with your profile, the only thing I can see turning a woman off is that it isn't very masculine (which some women like).

[EcstasyX6]

I think you're cute, but prefer the first pic because you look more alluring and direct, but I guess it depends on the girl. You have great looking lips too.

 

There's nothing wrong with Harry Potter. I read all of them, and I'm much older than you.

[jerbear]

I won't date you and you know why! I don't bat for that them!

 

Do you think the IRL shyness would be extremely offputting?

Yes but you will get over it. Just have to find something challenging.

 

Not every Wharton graduate wants to work Wall Street -- I've worked it before and it wasn't my cup of tea. I enjoy challenging work, but I found it hard to balance work/social life due to the number of hours I was working. I enjoy problemsolving/finance/computers/etc as long as I have enough to do what I want wiith enough time to have a life outside of work.

 

I've had discussions with fellow grads and quite frankly I'll say you might be scared to be successful. Yes, challenging work, problem solving, financial analyst, work life balance, etc... at the end of the day, if you put your time in now. 23 to say 27; your bank account at age 28 or even 30 will be different.

 

There are quite a few grads who took the investment banking route, made a few dollars, then pursued their true passions without the fear of living pay check to pay check. Some took the time to get money while they are young, then a few years later (recession or their true passion), take a world trip before they embark on their second career.

 

Just an idea about work life balance.

[Vertex]

Certainly, but I don't need millions of dollars to be happy. I feel like it's better to simply work something fun/challenging that pays you enough to cover your expenses/insurance/hobbies/travel wishes/etc. One summer I was working 100 hours/week and had almost no time at all for my girlfriend at the time, which to me was just unacceptable. I do place great value on free time, and I am just not sure if I want to spend my youth working away my 20's for fun later when I could have work + fun on a more consistent basis. I consider 6 figures more than enough to do what I want in life.

Edited October 25, 2009 by Vertex

[carhill]

That right there tells a woman a lot about you

[DollWelch]

Exceptionally organized, and well thought out responses to the questionnaire. The picture is quite nice, as well. You sound as though you know yourself confidently well, and you're not afraid to express that in your post and with others.

 

However, I would like to comment on your profile -in terms of, improvements but more so, what I have noticed to be a constant theme in much of it all.

 

(1) The fact that you're shy. This is a big personal characteristic. Unfortunately, in today's society, people tend to associate shyness with someone who is not confident, even to the point of "Loser" (dislike to say this). I do suggest you work on breaking up from shyness, and take measures or steps to be a more confident man than you are now.

 

I understand, it's easier said than done, but believe me in the end, it will bring about wonderful opportunities.

 

(2) I have taken a hint that you're afraid to show your intelligence. I think intelligence is a marvelous trait, and should be shown as much as possible. I like intelligent men, whom are confident in their own intelligent right and have a witty sense of humor to boot. Hence, you proclaim you want the same in a woman, you should do as you preach.

 

Those are just some points for thought (food for thought). Other than that, there should be at least 5 women out there who'd want to date you. Be patient, and things will fall into place.

[melodymatters]

You're a doll-baby !

 

I prefer shy and sweet types ! When I'm ready to date again I am going to specifically seek out a shy-guy dating site, as they are so much kinder, deeper, and so much fun to draw out ! ( do sites like that exist ?)

 

My late husband was that type and I was never happier with ANYONE !

 

( plus both you and he are damn cute, which never hurts !)