Talya Posted April 6, 2003 Share Posted April 6, 2003 I'm just wondering what is considered normal for a first kiss or hand hold or hugging to take place after dating the first few times. I know this man is really attracted to me and he took me out once and I know that he was really attracted to me, but when he hugged me goodnight I kind of restrained myself. The next time we saw each other I got kind of paranoid that something would happen too soon, so I avoided physical contact of any kind even though I was becoming more attracted to him. I was just curious to know what the norm is and if guys think its slutty to give in too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted April 6, 2003 Share Posted April 6, 2003 I think the amount of time that "feels right" varies for everyone. And I think a guy's opinion of a woman based on how quickly she's willing to get physical/intimate, can vary a lot, too. I've dated guys who were very upfront about sharing that they'd be really turned off by a woman who wanted to jump into bed on the first few dates (thinking that if she did that with him, she likely did that with every guy she'd dated, and had been around the block more than the ice cream truck).....course I've dated (not for long, mind you LOL) guys who had the "3 date rule"..in which, if they weren't getting any by the 3rd date, they'd be gone. Such lovely chaps, but gotta admire their honesty! LOL I sort of have a 'not written in stone' rule that I won't kiss on the first date..mostly because I don't think things are really "real" on the first date......and based on that, I can't really tell after such a short time whether I'm "just" physically attracted (and nothing else) or physically attracted AND attracted to their personality (for me, both have to be in place). I'm of the belief that there's something to be said for "waiting" to get intimate with someone. I figure, if it's meant to be, why not wait? You'll still be together in a few dates/weeks/months, right? I personally prefer to focus more on getting to know each other as friends first, and letting a really deep and meaningful friendship develop......versus just clouding everything with hormones and taking things to the 'next level' way too soon. It sort of really depends on your own personal beliefs, what you feel comfortable with, etc. How's that for a clear answer! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 6, 2003 Share Posted April 6, 2003 Our bodies are real good at tricking us. The chemicals that get brewing because of intimate contact are supposed to bond us, and it works verywell very often. I have decided for myself that I will definitely wait until I know a person quite well before I get swept up in anything physical again. The whole biology of sex apparently even serves to cloud judgment - and how many people do you know who fell 'madly in love' with someone they slept with early on only to realize later that they had made a serious mistake? Link to post Share on other sites
Kirsten Posted April 7, 2003 Share Posted April 7, 2003 I grew up in Australia, lived in America for 8 years, then came back. I have to say, the dating culture in both countries is entirely different. Dating in the US is like going for a job interview. It's all very serious and nerve-wracking, and people often forget to have fun in their search of 'Mr/Ms Perfect'. It is an exhausting, stressful phase and treated almost like a competition. Men in the US are extremely self confident and I never had a problem getting asked out. But I always felt under scrutiny from the moment they called until the moment I was dropped off at home. I was never myself, I was always 'acting' - concentrating on ridiculous things such as when was the right time to kiss, to move my hands down there, to go that next step... We don't really have 'dates' down here. The usual deal when people are expressing interest is to 'catch up' for drinks and have everything very casual for a couple of months, then gradually move on to dinner and other events if they feel they can stand to be with the other person while sober. Everything is very much centred around the pub culture so I find that people who are still circling around each other without much physical contact by their third or fourth meeting either aren't very attracted to each other or have intimacy issues. It is quite normal for people to sleep together early on then figure out whether or not they want to pursue a relationship. This works for me; I can have my fun then move on quickly without wasting time on mundane things like the movies or bowling. I can do that with my mates. I also feel that I don't put on an act and can feel free to be myself when someone asks me out for a drink after work - both parties treat the meeting as friendly, with a possible view to something more so there's no pressure to 'impress'. If I want to pash someone I'll go ahead - I have nothing to lose. Conversely, if I'm not attracted to them I'll have a beer and a laugh and move along, rather than feeling obliged to go further with the person after an expensive meal. Hope that helped? My advice would be to stop playing up to the double standards in society and do whatever you feel comfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 7, 2003 Share Posted April 7, 2003 the North American dating culture is a bit freaky, in the sense that it can be stressful. things are a lot simpler in many other places ... the question that always shocks me is : "are we dating?" - wth's that... who cares what you call it, anyway! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
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