Dreaming69 Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 [sIZE=2]Hi all. Well Ive recently started dating a girl who just happens to be 21. Now, thing is I'm 39, so quite an age difference but I've found myself actually really liking her and we get on like a house on fire and I don't really feel like I'm with a 21 year old. Shes quite mature for her age, and she says she isn't really into guys her age as she finds them far too immature. But the thing is shes never actually had a serious relationship before. Most of the guys shes dated have been very short term and have never developed into anything serious, as she believes she comes across as emotional and clingy early on and they basically move on very quickly. However, I personally haven't experienced this, I find her very attractive, outgoing, smart, and I don't find her clingy or emotional at all. I think shes got a very good head on her shoulders and is quite well balanced and would be a great catch for any guy. Now, from the start I wasn't expecting anything long term to develop, mainly from the point of veiw of our age difference and the fact she doesn’t have much relationship experience so to speak. But good as she has no baggage from past relationships. Not to mention the sex has been fantastic and we seem to be very compatible in the department. But, I don't want to stop seeing this girl, I feel myself very much gravitating to her and have been thinking I could easliy let this develop into something more serious. So, I would like to know what people think, am I kidding myself?, am I potentially setting myself up for garunteed heartbreak down the track? I mean obviously she still has some emotional growth to go through, and whos to say she will wake up one day and think what the hell am I doing with this older dude! What are people experiences? or do you know of any couples in LTR's with such an age difference?. Are they doomed from the start? Would love some feedback. [/sIZE] Link to post Share on other sites
Sibyl Vane Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Do you want to have children/get married anytime soon? I doubt too many 21 year olds would be in much of a hurry for either. It is far too early to be thinking about that normally, you've only recently started dating, but it would only be sensible before investing in the relationship anymore to see just how big of an impact the age difference will make. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreaming69 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 Yes I do want to get married and have children so at 39 age the window of oppurtunity is certainly getting smaller. And your right, not too many 21 year olds are thinking about these sort of things, I assume she would want children but im guessing not so much in the near future. At this early stage I haven't bought these topics up. She has talked about going to university to gain a degree which would take at least 4 years. So realistically its not looking good to get into anything serious. Just a shame I like this girl so much and would have to let her go. But would be very interested to hear from people who have gone for a long term with a large age difference and whether it wokred out or not. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I personally think youre setting yourself up for heatbreak, yes The problem is this relationship can work for a while and then you'll be blindsided out of nowhere when she starts to get bored and begins to resent you for being so old There will be little tell-tale signs of resentment at first. Then all of a sudden shes gone with someone her own age or younger and how will you compete with that when you can't turn back time? You can try and hook her with security, but more often than not she'll get lawyers if you've made those kinds of commitments If youre still not in over your head Id advise that you think very carefully about going forward, but I know throwing away a charming 21 year old will feel sinking a teasure chest in the deepest part of the Atlantic Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreaming69 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 Burning, yes this is pretty much the thoughts I am having, that it could work for a while, years even, as I can provide her with a stable mature partner, that will give her a sense of security. But then the day could come when shes bored with my 'oldness' and I could easily be traded for a younger guy, while shes still relatively young. I'll add that I am still very very active, and as fit as most guys in their 20's which obviously helps with her attraction to me. But you can't stop the ageing process forever I guess. No I'm definately not in over my head, as it hasn't got to a serious stage yet, but as you describe, walking away from her is going to be extremely difficult. And I'll probably have that 'what if' thought sitting there in the back of my head. There is good chemistry between us which isn't easy to find.. And the sex is amazing!!.. Aahhh, life can be cruel sometimes. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I think age difference has more to do with the people involved than it does the numbers. My XH was 37 and I was 22 when we met. We got along great. Our divorce when he was 43 and me 28 had nothing to do with the age gap. Turns out he just couldn't stay faithful. If anything, I would have much preferred if he had actually acted his age instead of some horny, over-sexed 17-year-old. So, you see? Age is just a number. The only thing that aggravated me was when he would ACT like a 17-year old, but then make comments about retiring or dying soon. Good grief. Don't do that crap with this girl - she has a lot of life left to live. It DOES get annoying when the guy acts like he's some kind of geezer when he's really not. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Burning, yes this is pretty much the thoughts I am having, that it could work for a while, years even, as I can provide her with a stable mature partner, that will give her a sense of security. But then the day could come when shes bored with my 'oldness' and I could easily be traded for a younger guy, while shes still relatively young. I'll add that I am still very very active, and as fit as most guys in their 20's which obviously helps with her attraction to me. But you can't stop the ageing process forever I guess. No I'm definately not in over my head, as it hasn't got to a serious stage yet, but as you describe, walking away from her is going to be extremely difficult. And I'll probably have that 'what if' thought sitting there in the back of my head. There is good chemistry between us which isn't easy to find.. And the sex is amazing!!.. Aahhh, life can be cruel sometimes. *sigh* No matter how fit and active you are, you won't be able to keep up forever. Her going to uni, then establishing a career...it could be 10 years before she is ready to even consider marriage and kids. You'd be almost 50... It sucks but if you aren't at the same place it will cause problems eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreaming69 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 Hmmm, Interesting SoulSearch, I know people say age is not an issue and depends on the person etc etc. Im certainly not an old geezer type, and would never act like one. And I certainly wouldn't be straying, I mean for god sake shes a hot 21 year old. I guess it just feels like It would be a very risky venture on my behalf, with alot to lose down the track, including my sanity. Almost like she could end up having one over me if I was to fall for her, me always worried about her bailing for a younger guy. Which leads to an unhealthy insecurity on my behalf, not somewhere I want to go. I've never had a reason to be insecure in any of my relationships previously, but the fact is she does attract a large amount of male attention, not by choice mind you. While its all good now and she seems very much into me, I somehow feel the risk outweighs the chance of it actually working long term... Link to post Share on other sites
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