Ways To Overcome Social Anxiety?

[Dantes]

Hi,

 

I am a seemingly normal happy 19 year old male with a loving family and a lot of friends! However I have a huge problem on my hands. My question isn't laid out very clearly and I'm literally just writing as I think so sorry for structure is so crummy. Hope you can help!

 

A few years ago I noticed that for some completely unknown reason I was scared of picking up the phone because I didn't know who was calling. Even when I did know who was calling I found it hard to pick up and didn't half the time. An irrational fear I couldn't control. My parents put this down to being too lazy to get up but this isn't true! Today I don't struggle with this so much and can pick up the phone 9 times out of 10 without panicking but sometimes out of the blue it still strikes me.

 

What is worse is this seems to have spread to other parts of my life, although is entirely situational. If I am to meet a new person in the presence of a good friend I generally feel at ease and confident and don't find it difficult to make conversation. However if I am forced to meet somebody new alone I feel very self-conscious and find myself lost for words and only become more anxious and worried. I despise leaving the house alone and find it a genuine struggle to get on a bus alone and even harder still to go into town alone. For some strange reason I feel very paranoid and aware of the people around me and find myself worrying what they might think of me. Obviously this is irrational but it just seems to take a hold of me!

 

I think it stems to having a complex about how I look? I do exercise outside the house but find myself looking into a mirror for 10 minutes before I go to make sure I look my hair looks ok which is ridiculous because I am just about to go and get all sweaty and look awful despite any effort I put in. People in the past have even gone as far as to say I am good looking but this just makes me embarrassed as I feel they are only saying this out of pity. Even so, not everyone looks like Brad Pitt so why should I be so worried?

 

I have never dated nor had a girlfriend because I cannot relax around new people very easily. (Thus why I am posting this here).

 

Sadly I have a reputation for being late due to sometimes not being able to leave the house straight away. I just have to hesitate at the door until I feel confident enough to open it.

 

The worst part is I attended university earlier this year but found myself terrified of attending lectures alone and subsequently missed a fair few. I ended up dropping out mainly due to being unhappy with my course (but my fear in meeting people played a part in it too, I just didn't tell anyone that!).

I am on a gap year now and am going to a London university this year. I really enjoy what I hope to be studying and MUST not let my insecurities get in the way of my education! Although I feel completely at ease about leaving home now I am worried the same thing might happen especially as London is such a busy place and I will be confronted with meeting a lot of new people entirely alone - my worst nightmare. I hope to use these next few months to try and overcome my fear before I reattend university.

 

I become too embarrassed to talk to people face to face about my problem but need to tackle it. What on earth can I do? I am only just realising how much this has held me back over the years. Please help me!

Thank you for reading!

[jerbear]

I would suggest practicing to overcome your anxieties.

 

Not knowing how to dance, take lessons or go clubbing and observe. Not knowing what to order, ask the waitress or just order it and try it.

[refurb]

Do you have a family doctor you can talk to? If not, find one.

 

Try and get a referral to a therapist who has experience in treating social anxieties.

 

I've actually gone though something very similar to what you're experiencing. A combination of cognitive behavioral therapy (learning to reshape the thoughts that trigger your anxiety) and exposure therapy (basically exposing yourself to anxiety causing situations which actually serves to reduce the anxiety you feel the next time you encounter the same situation). Both of those techniques have reduced my social anxiety by 99%. I still get nervous like everyone else, but it doesn't control my life.

 

It's important that you find someone who is familiar with treating social anxiety. If you just ask your doctor for help, he'll probably put you on Lexapro or another antidepressant which won't actually solve your problem.

 

Good luck!

 

RF

[Brady_to_Moss]

I know exactally what you are going through. I have social anxiety disorder. It took a lot but one day about 3 years ago i told my mom. We went to many different doctors. Ended up on Lexapro with is a med for depression and anxiety. Lexapro is usally very good with social anxiety and it has worked for me. I dont know how you feel about these drugs but they do work. I have been on it for 3 years. 1 pill a day.

 

Trust me man i know what your going through and there are many options to get over this and you will. Just talk to someone like a parent. Its hard but it has to be done. Good luck!

[winsmith-84]

It might be a lack of confidence actually. Next time, when you are faced with a situation in which you pause and think - "what will he/she think if I do this?" don't worry about it.

 

My motto is - Just Do It. Every time you don't do it and take the easy way out, you feel worse. So just do what you are hesitant about doing, and you'll feel much better afterwards - like you accomplished something.

 

The only way to get over it is to get out of your comfort zone. Every time you step out of your comfort zone, your comfort zone gets bigger and bigger.

[Zakuro]

I totally understand what you're going through!!

The exact same thing happened to me except that i just started dating recently (as in this year) and because i spent a lot of time trying to overcome my irrational fear of socializing. And all I can say is, physicians and medications wont do a thing, it's all in you. If you've already acknowledged it and have the will to change it, all you gotta do is try little by little to put yourself in those awkward situations and work through them, first with a friend if necessary, and little by little, the more you're in that situation and deal with it the less you fear it, at least in my case. I still have that problem, some even say I'm weird because i can be totally free and talk awesomely in msn or phone, but in person im so serious! they're like "wow, are you really that same person?!" XD

But i'm trying to change that, and just go for it. It's still horrible meeting new people on my own D: but if they start talking to me i at least try my bestest to follow up conversation.

That's all its reduced to: Trying your best to better what you know is wrong. Just do it no matter how strange and horrible it feels, and the feeling gets less and less strong each time.

 

Hope this helps

And good luck!!

[ddraper]

As many people have said already, you just need to do it. People, on the whole, are not that bad. They are actually seeking some sort of human interaction because we are so disconnected from one another. We, as humans, are social creatures and we crave human contact. This simple fact alone should be enough to just put yourself out there. Make a commitment to yourself to say hello to five people, at least, every week for two weeks. And then increase that number as time progresses. You will be paralyzed with fear but, I can assure you it gets better with time. Your move.

[fan_tastic]

I know exactally what you are going through. I have social anxiety disorder. It took a lot but one day about 3 years ago i told my mom. We went to many different doctors. Ended up on Lexapro with is a med for depression and anxiety. Lexapro is usally very good with social anxiety and it has worked for me. I dont know how you feel about these drugs but they do work. I have been on it for 3 years. 1 pill a day.

 

Trust me man i know what your going through and there are many options to get over this and you will. Just talk to someone like a parent. Its hard but it has to be done. Good luck!

 

I had a pretty annoying form of "social anxiety" myself and I can't say I'm completely past that but I do believe it's a lot better than it used to be 5+ years ago (I'm 22). I think the factors of improvement include:

- letting go of everyday obsessions as in the "marathon of learning for school" that can get you pretty messed up if it adds with an only recreation of spending time on the computer;

- evaluating your diet and nutrition; my father took an interest in these and I'd say it's had a major role in opening my mind to any depressing problem, helps you get over anxiety a LOT;

- being with a lot of people, for example during university classes, and NOT WORRYING about anything while you're at it, try not to raise to any kind of expectations, just be there -> the best kind of training; the less effort the better;

- spending time arguing on forums; this doesn't help much in direct contact, but helps you to reason better;

 

Try these before going on chemical medicine:p Drugs are my LAST resort and hopefully I won't have to deal with them much. I used to be ill all the time (colds, headaches). Chemicals are not the answer.