FIREMAN Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 How do you confront resistant behavior? My GF of 2 1/2 yrs is scared to move the relationship forward and resists it to the point that it's ruining our relationship. It's a form of self-sabotage. How do we discuss this or how do I handle it without it becoming a fight....cause that's what usually happens and pushes us apart. She'll get intimate w\me then run the other way and avoid me temporarily, then the cycle starts over again. Been like this for over a year. She's mentioned her fears in the past and said she's sabotaged her past relationships this way. If I mention anything about a "Future" for us, i.e. marriage, family, living together...she clams up, panics then avoids me, keeping me at arms length. If I see her on a Friday nite and we're intimate, she'll avoid me all day Saturday w\lame excuses. She realizes this, but is powerless to it, then tries to justify it saying maybe she doesn't have sexual feelings for me. Several days l8r, she'll be all over me, doing nice things 4 me, writing cards to me how much she is in love w\me, can't wait to be w\me 4ever, etc... It's ok for her to bring up a future. She doesn't panic then. She refuses to get psych help for it, so we're left in this cycle. 5 months into our Rel, she was the one to say "I Love U". After that, we got a bit closer, tlkd about getting an apartment, then she freaked out and pulled away FAST! She'd get close again, only to pull back again. I LOVE HER with all my heart and see what's happening, but feel powerless. For me Breaking up isn't an option. I'll stand by her, but she's considering it cause we fight about this all the time! She's scared to be intimate unless it's on her terms. Anyone ever deal with this? Link to post Share on other sites
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 You need to take a break. She has created an emotional vacuum, where you relationship is out of balance. I would tell her that you are going to let her go. The vacuum needs to be reversed. She is thinking you are needy. You say letting her go is not an option. Well i am afraid that choice is going to be taken out of your hands, unless you act. I think she would come around. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Rubber band. Find a more compatible woman. Positive action Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I'm going to consolidate your post for you so you can potentially see it from a third party perspective. Afraid of commitment.Control freak in that everything has to be on her own terms.Refuses to get psych help but acknowledges that this is why her past relationships didn't work.You won't break up with her.In essence, you've put yourself into a trap and won't do anything about it, same as your girlfriend. Better to ask yourself why someone like this appeals to you. Link to post Share on other sites
pandagirl Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 This doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship. She is hot and cold, making you more desperate for her acceptance. She has issues to resolve that will take a while to overcome. If she's not willing to acknowledge her problems and get help, your relationship will not progress. TBF is right -- why do you want to be with someone who treats you this way? I feel like you think that if she loves you enough, it will solve her commitments issues, but it actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 (well ladybugs, gotta hand it to you - it makes a change from 'abstinence' - !!) Link to post Share on other sites
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