Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I'd like some tips on dating more than one guy at a time - as in casual dating, hanging out, no sex or other serious physical intimacy. Right now, I'm very casually dating three guys, and I'm getting a little overwhelmed. For example, when asked what I did the night before (say I had a date), how to respond? How to be honest without giving up too much information, pissing them off, etc.? If I start to like one way more than any other, how do I end (or should I?) the other casual dating relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 You tell them you are hanging out with other guys. You aren't really dating them. Dating implies it's exclusive. If they ask, say I hung out with my friend "Bob" or whatever. I have a date on Sat and a date on Sunday. If they ask, I will be honest. If it bothers the guys you are "hanging out" with that they have competion, then the weak willed ones will eliminate themselves. Have fun, SG. The more guys you hang out with, the less likely you are to stress when one doesn't work out...and the less likely you are to waste emotional energy and chase someone who isn't right for you. More dating = more fun. Just keep your jeans zipped! As far as ending it, just don't go out with them anymore. They'll get the hint. Link to post Share on other sites
45Reverse Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I'd like some tips on dating more than one guy at a time - as in casual dating, hanging out, no sex or other serious physical intimacy. Right now, I'm very casually dating three guys, and I'm getting a little overwhelmed. For example, when asked what I did the night before (say I had a date), how to respond? How to be honest without giving up too much information, pissing them off, etc.? If I start to like one way more than any other, how do I end (or should I?) the other casual dating relationships? You have to ask? If you want to play the field....Play it. What you sound like you're asking is "How can I play the field but pretend to everyone like Im not?" That's the same 'male behavior' I hear women complain about all the time. Look, if you want to play around then do so and be straight about it. It's almost guaranteed that more guys will respect that...heck most of us can totally relate to it...than they will if you make some sort of hide and seek game out of it. BTW- Why would you want to date several guys at one time if you won't be intimate with any of them? Cutting yourself off? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 BTW- Why would you want to date several guys at one time if you won't be intimate with any of them? Cutting yourself off? Are you intimate with everyone you date? I'm a little more selective than that. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Are you intimate with everyone you date? I'm a little more selective than that. That's why I you SG. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 That's why I you SG. Thanks, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I've never juggled more than two Star but I do let both of them know what's going on. Conceptually, it allows them the freedom of choice to go elsewhere, if it bothers them. You're going to laugh but I do use my PDA to calendar and document what I've worn and certain key points. Don't ask. Just remember that it can prevent any inadvertent faux pas! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Right now, I'm very casually dating three guys, and I'm getting a little overwhelmed. maybe try one guy at a time SG...its a lot easier and usually you can tell within a date or two if its going anywhere Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 You're going to laugh but I do use my PDA to calendar and document what I've worn and certain key points. Don't ask. Just remember that it can prevent any inadvertent faux pas! I've already started that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 maybe try one guy at a time SG...its a lot easier and usually you can tell within a date or two if its going anywhere Not in my experience. At that point, I still BARELY know the person and have nothing more to go on than hormones. Link to post Share on other sites
almost famous Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 If a guy doesn't get you excited enough to just want to date only him, then none of these 3 guys will become a serious prospect. If the reason you're dating 3 is because one or more of them is playing it very casually with you, they also won't become a serious prospect because they're "just not that into you." If you really want one of them as a relationship prospect, you are really excited about him, he isn't apparently feeling it for you or he'd feel the same way you do and proceed accordingly. If a guy is crazy about you, he isn't casual about it and he stops dating other girls, he goes for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 There is a guy at work that could juggle 3 women during his bachelor days many years ago. He has dyslexia so he was always doing things so he didn't mess them all up.. One of my favorites was that he gave each one a different phone line number at work so he would know which girl was calling by the line she called in on.. SG.. why not just space the dates out a couple of more days and that way you only have to juggle 2 of them and by the time the third guy rolls around you probably will have eliminated one of the others.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I did the "multiple dating" thing once, and I felt so overwhelmed. At first I was just dating the one, then met another guy who I liked as well. The one weekend I went out with one guy on Friday night and one on Saturday. I thought I was going to go nuts. When they both asked me what my plans were I did the whole "well Im going to be seeing this other guy." I ended up breaking up with both of them becuase I couldn't handle the multi-dater deal. Never did that again. WWWAAAYYY to confusing. Best thing SG, if this is something you are interested in, it is best to be honest with both guys. I think maybe saying "i'm seeing this other guy tonight" is more casual than saying you are dating them. Be honest with all the guys, don't let them think that you are exclusively dating them. You mentioned that these guys are dating other girls, so if you both have no problem with this, then why worry about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Shygirl15 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Dating two at once is fine, I think. But three? Kind of a crowd.. Link to post Share on other sites
Bells Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Are you intimate with everyone you date? I'm a little more selective than that. I have been. lol Otherwise, you might as well "hang out" with the boys on game night. You're not one of those women that are doing it for the free meals and movie admissions, are ya? lol Unless it was those online meeting a stranger, one of those "First dates" that didn't work out anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
flc Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I tried this and it was more trouble than it was worth. Even if you are honest it requires a lot of juggling and what happens if you find that you are interested in more than one of the people you are dating and they are into you. Then you have to make a tough decision and someone always looses. I just prefer to stick with one person at a time. Have fun Link to post Share on other sites
vonerik012 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Do you mean going on 2nd third and fourth dates with all 3 men? Or just internet meet and greets? I have never dated more than one woman at a time. Who has time for that? I never understood how people date in that manner.. How do you have time to think, time to miss a particular person, get to know them, and allow them to get to know you?etc. What do you say if a guy asks you out on a Saturday night? "Sorry, I am out with another guy" ? At that point I would say "ok see you later". Or do you just be really really vague about your life and what you do at night? I think it's a bad idea, and there is no perfect way to do it. You can't see how things go with one guy? Then date another? Would you like to be one of 3 women a man is dating? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveDeluxe78 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Oh no you didn't just say that! I've gotta come to her defense here, StarGazer is one professional woman who probably makes more money than the guys she dates, so I highly doubt she's doing it for "free meals and movie admissions"! I have been. lol Otherwise, you might as well "hang out" with the boys on game night. You're not one of those women that are doing it for the free meals and movie admissions, are ya? lol Unless it was those online meeting a stranger, one of those "First dates" that didn't work out anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 SG.. why not just space the dates out a couple of more days and that way you only have to juggle 2 of them and by the time the third guy rolls around you probably will have eliminated one of the others.. I like this idea. I "multi-dated" once, but the process of elimination was rather fast. For instance, date guy 1, date guy 1, date guy 2, like guy 1 better, stick with guy 1. Link to post Share on other sites
Balthazar Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I was dating 3 women last spring and things got busy at times, but I was only intimate with 2 of them. It was enjoyable for about a few weeks, but it got tiring afterwards and I had to stop when things started getting confusing. I tried to make sure I alternated days on them. Days were split into Mon-Tue-Wed(low profile dates), and Fri-Sat. Sunday was for day trips and watching soccer with pals. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Well, most first dates don't work out, therefore you can expand your options by dating more. However, juggling multiple dates is not that great, and gets old real fast. But hey, if you start out with 3 and end with 1 then at least you got one guy left! Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 I was casual seeing two other guys while also seeing my H (when we first met). If asked to meet on a day I was planning to hang out with one of the other guys, I just said I was hanging out with a Joe or Jimbo. Whoever it was at the time. Ironically, none of them cared. They seemed to all believe that I was singularly pursuing them yet had a platonic eunuch companion, named Jim or Joe, as a side friend. I think it was an insult against me actually. haha Shyt hit the fan though when my relationship with my H got more serious. I slipped and refered to hanging out with Joe as "a date", and he finally put two and two together to realize I was dating other men when we first started dating. I guess it never occured to him that hanging out with Jim could mean "a dinner date with Jim". Moral of story.. never refer to these pre-planned dinners and activities as "dates" with any of them. Everything else they ask though, be brutally honest with them (as far as who you're hanging out with). Its really great that you're taking time to just enjoy dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted August 30, 2008 Author Share Posted August 30, 2008 I was casual seeing two other guys while also seeing my H (when we first met). If asked to meet on a day I was planning to hang out with one of the other guys, I just said I was hanging out with a Joe or Jimbo. Whoever it was at the time. Ironically, none of them cared. They seemed to all believe that I was singularly pursuing them yet had a platonic eunuch companion, named Jim or Joe, as a side friend. I think it was an insult against me actually. haha Shyt hit the fan though when my relationship with my H got more serious. I slipped and refered to hanging out with Joe as "a date", and he finally put two and two together to realize I was dating other men when we first started dating. I guess it never occured to him that hanging out with Jim could mean "a dinner date with Jim". Moral of story.. never refer to these pre-planned dinners and activities as "dates" with any of them. Everything else they ask though, be brutally honest with them (as far as who you're hanging out with). Its really great that you're taking time to just enjoy dating. See, that's what my guy friends say...not to refer to any outing as a "date," and leave it subject to their own morbid curiosity. And yeah, it's been awesome the past two weeks or so just enjoying the dating experience for once, and getting to know them each as people as opposed to potential BFs. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 And yeah, it's been awesome the past two weeks or so just enjoying the dating experience for once, and getting to know them each as people as opposed to potential BFs. Yeah! That makes a lot of sense. Multi-dating = less pressure, less need to figure out whether this guy is 'relationship material' or not and more time getting to know them. I think you're onto something indeed SG. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 I think Star could struggle with not taking things too serious. Link to post Share on other sites
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