Single women want taken men...let's discuss

[daphne]

I know many women love drama but I can't stand it so I found a woman that grew up and can handle comfort. I have had my share of drama to last me a lifetime and now I want peace.

 

Funny thing, the guys I date tend to be more the creators of drama. I'm looking for a guy that can appreciate that I'm slightly boring because I've experienced my fair share in drama and just want to be happy and at peace. To me, that includes as close to 0% drama as possible. I only get that when I'm single tho.

[underpants]

It is a sub section of the population (male or female) that are attracted to someone who is in a relationship.

 

Can you objectively say someone is attractive? Sure. However to act on it and to pursue it takes a mindset and character make up that is IMO at it's core weak. Someone who does this repeatedly is someone to avoid a relationship with I would say.

 

Competitive validation? A need to win by conquering/destroying another's relationship thus proving that either relationships are flawed or that you are somehow a better person?

 

The people I see that insert themselves into existing relationships do ride a win wave if the partner breaks up. Or a 'whatever win' wave of at least knowing (to them anyway) that they cracked a relationship's foundation sort of thing.

 

If they go on to date the partner by default. It doesn't last long before the need for more drama/validation appears. They get bored or doubtful of their win with no competition around to make the conquest more fulfilling.

 

When you see two of the same type get together it is quite entertaining to watch the it go down in flames. However, usually and unfortunately one is more invested then the other and well, maybe one of them learns?

 

Thankfully not all people have the issues that manifest in such hurtful and unneccessary drama.

[Adunaphel]

Guys who are already in relationships generally aren't posturing, obnoxiously hitting on women, using lame pick-up lines, trolling for sex, playing games, or trying too hard and reeking of desperation. They're just being themselves when they meet women, and therefore attract women who like who they are.

 

When the guys are single and looking for women, the posturing and unnatural behavior comes out, and women aren't attracted to it.

 

I'm all for this theory.

I'd also tend to add that IMO it is basically people who are happy in their relationships that tend to attact members of the opposite sex.

In a few different occasions when I had just had a wonderful date and I was so happy I could see hundreds of imaginary pink rabbits following me around, I was approached (in a very nice, friendly way) by guys who were so good looking I would never even dream to date them (not that I'd necessarily want to ). I'm not saying they were hitting on me, I think I just looked so happy I made them curious.

[confused2007]

It is a sub section of the population (male or female) that are attracted to someone who is in a relationship.

 

Can you objectively say someone is attractive? Sure. However to act on it and to pursue it takes a mindset and character make up that is IMO at it's core weak. Someone who does this repeatedly is someone to avoid a relationship with I would say.

 

Competitive validation? A need to win by conquering/destroying another's relationship thus proving that either relationships are flawed or that you are somehow a better person?

 

The people I see that insert themselves into existing relationships do ride a win wave if the partner breaks up. Or a 'whatever win' wave of at least knowing (to them anyway) that they cracked a relationship's foundation sort of thing.

 

If they go on to date the partner by default. It doesn't last long before the need for more drama/validation appears. They get bored or doubtful of their win with no competition around to make the conquest more fulfilling.

 

When you see two of the same type get together it is quite entertaining to watch the it go down in flames. However, usually and unfortunately one is more invested then the other and well, maybe one of them learns?

 

Thankfully not all people have the issues that manifest in such hurtful and unneccessary drama.

 

The point of this discussion was that women are MORE attracted to men who are taken. This can be explained by the confidence they possess rooted from their woman at home.

 

Generally speaking, I think this applies more to women, not men. Since women have more authority in choosing whom they want, they go after the confident ones.

 

I'm going to eat some BBQ. Have a happy memorial day everone.

[underpants]

The point of this discussion was that women are MORE attracted to men who are taken. This can be explained by the confidence they possess rooted from their woman at home.

 

Generally speaking, I think this applies more to women, not men. Since women have more authority in choosing whom they want, they go after the confident ones.

 

I'm going to eat some BBQ. Have a happy memorial day everone.

 

My apologies if I took away from the point of your thread. I was looking ahead to those that act on the attraction. That is all.

 

Personally if I find out that an attractive man is in a relationship I no longer see him as a viable option. If he is open to a relationship still then I find him a little disgusting.

 

Enjoy your bbq.

[Trialbyfire]

The point of this discussion was that women are MORE attracted to men who are taken. This can be explained by the confidence they possess rooted from their woman at home.

 

Generally speaking, I think this applies more to women, not men. Since women have more authority in choosing whom they want, they go after the confident ones.

 

I'm going to eat some BBQ. Have a happy memorial day everone.

I don't agree with the bolded comment. There are plenty of men who pursue women who are taken. It's pretty rampant on both sides of the gender divide.

[confused2007]

I don't agree with the bolded comment. There are plenty of men who pursue women who are taken. It's pretty rampant on both sides of the gender divide.

 

Men are initially attracted to physical features. It doesn't matter if the women are confident or not.

 

Women can initially look past physical features (To an extent ) and become attracted to confident personalities.

 

Agreed?

 

Guys?

[Trialbyfire]

Men are initially attracted to physical features. It doesn't matter if the women are confident or not.

 

Women can initially look past physical features (To an extent ) and become attracted to confident personalities.

 

Agreed?

 

Guys?

Ah...now I understand your perspective! Agreed, in very loose general terms.

[serial muse]

Women are competitive and want what they can't have.

They especially love taking a great guy away from someone else.

 

 

Sometimes when I read stuff like this on this site, it makes me want to go live in a cave, it's all so exhausting and dreary.

 

I can't doubt that you guys have had these experiences. I guess you've known what you've known. But it's completely alien to me. Seriously. Who are these people? Am I friends with them? Most of my closest friends are women and I don't feel at all competitive with them or try to "take their men." They've never tried to take mine. We all seem to get along great.

 

I guess if I think about it I've known women (and, yes, men) who are in it for the "win." Nobody I've ever been actual friends with, though. It just doesn't seem like the vast majority of people think this is the be-all and end-all of love and relationships. Instead, it's just a very vocal, visible minority who I suppose genuinely love drama.

 

But it probably doesn't matter how many actual people (women or men) feel this way, because regardless, they certainly do get all the attention. Just look at this thread.

[The Collector]

I don't agree with the bolded comment. There are plenty of men who pursue women who are taken. It's pretty rampant on both sides of the gender divide.

 

No, PC or not, it's definitely more a woman thing. Men are attracted to hot women - maybe they are taken, maybe not. If they are, only a few enjoy a 'thrill' from stealing them from another guy.

 

With women, attractiveness in men is less to do with looks, and the fact that he's been selected by another woman can really ramp up his attractive level. And sadly many do get a kick out of being a home-wrecker. You only have to look at the huge gender imbalance in this sites 'Other Man/Woman' forum.

 

This forum is littered with women pining over unavailable men - whereas the 'unavailable' women the males are pining over tend to be the ones who have dumped them. See both sexes suck in their own different ways.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Sometimes when I read stuff like this on this site, it makes me want to go live in a cave, it's all so exhausting and dreary.

 

I can't doubt that you guys have had these experiences. I guess you've known what you've known. But it's completely alien to me. Seriously. Who are these people? Am I friends with them? Most of my closest friends are women and I don't feel at all competitive with them or try to "take their men." They've never tried to take mine. We all seem to get along great.

 

Think about it from an environmental standpoint!

 

Babies take a lot of time and energy from a woman, so she needs to be picky about who the father is. What better gauge than a man who is desired by other women as well.

 

Do you believe in evolution?

[blind_otter]

I remember back when I had close male friends I would be their "wing man" on a regular basis, because they would always get hit on more, on average, when I went out with them rather than when they went out alone, or with other guys. Go figure.

 

Personally, I have never found a taken man to be attractive. It's like some switch turns off inside of me when I find out their status, and I don't see them as sexual beings any more...

 

On a side note, some guy whistled at me when I was waddling down the street the other day. I'm 8 months pregnant. I thought men would consider me asexual for the time being. Weeeeeeeird and creeeeeeepy.

[MJR]

I don't believe a mans relationship status has anything to do increasing attraction or even developing it, but more to do with the pace by which a raw attraction that already exists can develop. It's basically a byproduct of risk assessment.

 

The way I see it, a man with a girlfriend typically makes the implication that he has already passed the screening process of a woman's standards pertaining to relationships and sex. Although the actual standards themselves will vary from woman to women, most of the basics are fairly universal: He shouldn't be a psycho, an abusive drunk or come home from a night out with the boys smelling of another woman's perfume, etc, etc. The relationship status itself answers, to some degree, many of the questions single women will have of random men, where a man without a girlfriend has to address these concerns by going through the entire screening process from scratch, which creates more hesitation and slows things down a bit.

 

I don't think I really need to explain to anyone how the screening process in the meat market can sometimes seem like a trial in hell, and it just so happens that many of the women who have come on to me while I was in a relationship viewed the singles scene precisely in that way. So it's not a stretch here to say that there are women out there who will take up the opportunity to take the short cut, circumvent the BS and take a shot at what may seem like the safer bet.

 

Naturally, not all women are like that, but there are apparently enough to make it a viable assumption by many men.

[Trialbyfire]

Sometimes when I read stuff like this on this site, it makes me want to go live in a cave, it's all so exhausting and dreary.

 

I can't doubt that you guys have had these experiences. I guess you've known what you've known. But it's completely alien to me. Seriously. Who are these people? Am I friends with them? Most of my closest friends are women and I don't feel at all competitive with them or try to "take their men." They've never tried to take mine. We all seem to get along great.

 

I guess if I think about it I've known women (and, yes, men) who are in it for the "win." Nobody I've ever been actual friends with, though. It just doesn't seem like the vast majority of people think this is the be-all and end-all of love and relationships. Instead, it's just a very vocal, visible minority who I suppose genuinely love drama.

 

But it probably doesn't matter how many actual people (women or men) feel this way, because regardless, they certainly do get all the attention. Just look at this thread.

I don't think you can deny that women are competitive with other women they aren't friends with or dislike. I can't imagine having a group full of female friends like this, though.

 

I've only had the one experience a long time ago with a friend who was competitive like that. I found a way to put that competitive edge to good use, by allowing her to filter out the dine and dash men. She's since matured into a wonderful person and a great friend.

 

The balance of my female friendships are ones where we're supportive of each other, with mitts off.

 

I think it's also a combination of gender issues. Women can be competitive with each other for male attention and men enable it, because it provides them with ego-stroking as someone in demand.

[Taramere]

I can't doubt that you guys have had these experiences. I guess you've known what you've known. But it's completely alien to me. Seriously. Who are these people? Am I friends with them? Most of my closest friends are women and I don't feel at all competitive with them or try to "take their men." They've never tried to take mine.

 

I've not encountered that kind of thing from close female friends, but I've seen it from female acquaintances from time to time.

 

One time I was at a party, a friend of a friend got someone to introduce us and there seemed to be quite a major spark of chemistry. But just as conversation was getting flowing, this woman I knew vaguely (and who had always seemed to have a bit of an attitude towards me, though I wasn't aware of any problem between us) raced over and started nagging him to dance with her.

 

"I'm just having a word with..."

"Dance with me...." (tugging at his hand)

"A bit later maybe?"

"No - now! Dance with me!!!"

 

Quick helpless little boy look at me and he went to dance with her.

 

So I talk to someone else, and as soon as the song's over he comes back. Seconds later

 

"Dance with me!!"

 

Guess who was back! This wasn't going to stop in a hurry. She was drunk but not close to puking or passing out - and although he was demonstrating some reluctance to be dragged away by her, at the same time he kept making this increasingly annoying helpless little boy face and was evidently lapping up the attention.

 

So I went off to talk to people on the other side of the room. He came over, but she was onto it like a hawk. Short of binding and gagging her before throwing her into a cupboard, there didn't seem much I could do - and because the two of them were becoming associated in my mind I was rapidly going off him anyway. Like I say, they definitely weren't in a relationship (I'd checked through mutual friends)....but as it turned out, he did end up going home with her, so her determination paid off. I've no idea how it panned out for the two of them.

 

I think with most women, even if they're quite competitive, pride alone will make them back off if a guy they fancy is showing a preference for someone else. But not always. Especially not if drink's involved. And I suppose it's human nature to opt for the bolder, simpler and more ego-flattering option.

 

I've seen similar, extended versions of that particular episode occurring with friends. Particularly one friend who was involved with a night club owner. She found herself on the receiving end of some pretty charmless, competitive behaviour to the extent that she ended up deciding it just wasn't worth it, and ended the relationship.

[Untouchable_Fire]

On a side note, some guy whistled at me when I was waddling down the street the other day. I'm 8 months pregnant. I thought men would consider me asexual for the time being. Weeeeeeeird and creeeeeeepy.

 

 

On a side note... Some women look really hot when they are pregnant!

[serial muse]

Think about it from an environmental standpoint!

 

Babies take a lot of time and energy from a woman, so she needs to be picky about who the father is. What better gauge than a man who is desired by other women as well.

 

Do you believe in evolution?

 

You've got to be kidding me.

 

I don't think you can deny that women are competitive with other women they aren't friends with or dislike. I can't imagine having a group full of female friends like this, though.

 

I've only had the one experience a long time ago with a friend who was competitive like that. I found a way to put that competitive edge to good use, by allowing her to filter out the dine and dash men. She's since matured into a wonderful person and a great friend.

 

The balance of my female friendships are ones where we're supportive of each other, with mitts off.

 

I think it's also a combination of gender issues. Women can be competitive with each other for male attention and men enable it, because it provides them with ego-stroking as someone in demand.

 

This is true; people play off of each other in that way. But I guess this is what I'm saying - of course, I've had that experience of someone competing with me, looking me up and down in bars, eyeing the guy I'm with. I've had people try to elbow me aside, and I've certainly experienced someone trying to muscle in. Sure, it happens. But I guess I see them as particularly, noticeably obnoxious, rather than normal. Maybe I'm just oblivious? But even with strangers I rarely experience that. To me, it feels like the exception rather than the rule.

 

I'm not trying to be holier-than-thou, although I suppose it might come off that way. I honestly just don't have this daily experience of constant female competition. That's the part I find weird, I guess.

[serial muse]

I've seen similar, extended versions of that particular episode occurring with friends. Particularly one friend who was involved with a night club owner. She found herself on the receiving end of some pretty charmless, competitive behaviour to the extent that she ended up deciding it just wasn't worth it, and ended the relationship.

 

Right, I know the kind of scene you're talking about...and yeah, I'm aware of these things happening, of course, and have been on the receiving end before. But it always strikes me as unusual and thus good story material, like the one you told. I just think it's interesting that these offbeat attention-grabbing types also get the job of defining how "most" women behave.

[Trialbyfire]

This is true; people play off of each other in that way. But I guess this is what I'm saying - of course, I've had that experience of someone competing with me, looking me up and down in bars, eyeing the guy I'm with. I've had people try to elbow me aside, and I've certainly experienced someone trying to muscle in. Sure, it happens. But I guess I see them as particularly, noticeably obnoxious, rather than normal. Maybe I'm just oblivious? But even with strangers I rarely experience that. To me, it feels like the exception rather than the rule.

 

I'm not trying to be holier-than-thou, although I suppose it might come off that way. I honestly just don't have this daily experience of constant female competition. That's the part I find weird, I guess.

I understand. I wasn't intimating that you were being anything beyond giving your honest opinion and experiences with the reverse holding true, as well.

 

I think part of it is environmental. What I've noticed is that it's more prevalent in environments where there are more women and less men, case in point...LS.

 

Also, in places like bars, where superficiality dominates, and the best looking men and women go home with the ONS partner on their arm.

[Balthazar]

Sometimes when I read stuff like this on this site, it makes me want to go live in a cave, it's all so exhausting and dreary.

 

 

I don't have much to add to this matter. I think other posts explained my viewpoint more eloquently than I could.

 

Are all women competitive and out to get another's man?

Of course not.

But many are not competitive(your friends possibly?) because they haven't got the goods, whether it be confidence, attractive looks, personality etc.

 

Similar rules apply to men. The alpha male will go after the woman he wants, often disregarding if she is in a relationship or not.

 

In any case, I call them as I see him and seek to draw from my experiences, just as I must assume you do.

 

CHeers,

[Taramere]

I just think it's interesting that these offbeat attention-grabbing types also get the job of defining how "most" women behave.

 

It's standard, isn't it? You could get 1,000 women pilots flying successfully every day for 10 years - but the moment one crashed it would be all "you see, I'm not being sexist but PMT and the cockpit just don't mix..."

[serial muse]

In any case, I call them as I see him and seek to draw from my experiences, just as I must assume you do.

 

 

Oh, agreed. That's basically what I said, too. This just hasn't been my experience, so it's puzzling to me. But, carry on.