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Guy doesn't want me yet won't let me go, !

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Old 17th January 2008, 11:33 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2005
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Question Guy doesn't want me yet won't let me go, !

I met this guy 3 months ago, we met out one night, swoped numbers and started texting eachother regularly. Any time we were out at the weekend we would meet up. We went out on a date and it went well but after he said he was finding it difficult as he hadn't dated in a year since his ex left him. I said it was ok so we still met up on weekends and he still text all week but he wanted to take things to the next level, so I felt I had to ask if this was going anywhere and he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment but that he did like me. I know he's not seeing anyone else or anything as we have mutual friends and live in the same small town.

He's a lovely guy, not a player he's even quite shy in person. He stares at me accross the bar if we're out but won't come up and talk to me and then he'll text me during the week but maybe only 1 or 2 texts not even a proper chat so I don't know why he bothers. I was out last weekend and chatting to lots of guys and he rang me on my way home but hung up when I answered (I don't know if he drunk dialled me or not). He must be thinking about me if he's contacting me. We haven't slept together so I know it's not that. I'm finding it very difficult to forget about him when he keeps texting and I don't want to tell him to stop as I couldn't bare it to be awkward when I have to bump into him all the time.

Anyone have any ideas why he won't let me go if he doesn't want me? and what I can do. I don't think he wants a friendship as he only sends 1 or 2 texts asking how I am etc like he wants to check we're still ok and then often ignores my reply, it's very frustrating.
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Old 17th January 2008, 6:31 PM   #2
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Old 17th January 2008, 7:06 PM   #3
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I'm not sure how you're confused.

The guy wants to sex you, but not date you.
Suppose we've chosen the wrong god, everytime we got to church we're making him madder and madder. - H J Simpson.
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Old 17th January 2008, 7:25 PM   #4
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How do you know that he is not seeking a friendship?
Dont let your happenings upset your happiness
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Old 17th January 2008, 7:34 PM   #5
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well generally when guys say they want to take it to the next level they do mean to the bedroom, but the real question is do you want that kind of relationship? if he wont come to you across the bar but u like him, go over to him say hi how u doing etc.. and find out whether he is someone u want in your life. only you can choose what you want to do.

if u don't want him, tell him. and if that doesn't work restraining order and if that don't work get some *friends* to go talk to him.

hope u find someone nice, TKD_Ben
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Old 17th January 2008, 9:23 PM   #6
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Same thing happened to me. However, please listen when he says "he does not want a relationship"

I didn't listen and i hoped to change his mind since he liked me and we got along great. However, it didn't work and he strung me along and just mainly wanted to have someone to hang out with and he is still trying to be apart of my life and its hard to just get rid of him. He isn't dating anyone else either but he does not want to move forward with me that is. Also he has not done anything wrong which makes it hard because he acutally is going through his own process which i don't understand.

I think that guys that are trying to get over someone use someone else so they wont be alone.
He does want to sleep with you but he does not want any strings attached.

You may even start to think that you have a relationship with him because he might try to act like a boyfriend. However, he probably won't man up and say I want this title.

It all depends on what you want. If you don't mind friends with benefits than go for it. However, if you want more its unlikely anything will happen. He has been honest in that he does not want a relationship so he can never be blamed for you getting hurt because he told you what he wanted in the first place. SO BE CAREFUL. It will feel really great but after so long its awful because it begins to go no where.
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Old 17th January 2008, 9:37 PM   #7
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I think it sounds like you are the one who isn't letting go of him, hon. After three months of this, you HAVE to be exhausted by this. But, ask yourself this - is he and this dynamic satisfying anything in your life that is positive? If not, then I think it might be time to put him on ignore.
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Old 17th January 2008, 10:12 PM   #8
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If he is saying that he is not ready for a relationship but still wants you around then it is a clear indication that he either wants a FWB or he is looking for a rebound.
Either way it will not be good for you, although you feel you may want to maintain a friendship with him.

When they are great people but are going through a "process", you have to let them go irrespective of the good qualities they have.

This sounds cold, but it may be that he is rebounding or he is just looking for a support system for some reason, he wants your support, but he does not want YOU.

Stop taking his calls, stop replying to the txt (if he sends them) gosh i know it isn't easy but, getting hurt by him at the other end is going to be worse.
Yesterday is yesterday, to try to recapture it - i will loose tomorrow.
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