Pros & Cons of dating a Psychologist/ Therapist

[maynicholas]

NOT your Psychologist/ Psychiatrist/ Therapist- just some one who is one. Pros & Cons that you have experienced. What did you enjoy or dislike...

[Krytie TV]

I would qualify in this category. I think a pro is that we're very aware of people's emotional needs. I'm not touching the cons.

[maynicholas]

Thanks! I do want the cons too- I am studying to become one I am trying to step outside myself and see what a pain we can be and what I should be aware of. I myself enjoy being analyzed and inspired to see different aspects of myself which I may never have considered. It doesn't mean I have to agree, but I enjoy the process. I encourage the guy I'm dating to try it with me, but he can never think of anything to ask me that doesn't somehow relate back to himself.

 

What else?

[oppath]

Quite honestly, my therapists have had more dysfunctional relationships than anyone I know!

 

So I guess I'd ask this guy about that. Not to insult you, I'm just saying. I'd have no cons or apprehensions about dating a therapist. None whatsover.

[Storyrider]

It has more to do with setting boundaries between your work life and personal life right?

 

For example, on last night's Seinfeld rerun, Elaine went out on a date with a doctor, and in the car he grabbed her tongue and started explaining to her why it was fuzzy and how the saliva ducts work etc. all the while gripping her tongue. Then he was surprised when she didn't want to kiss him.

 

So if you do the psychological equivalent of that, you're not going to get lucky.

[Citizen Erased]

It has more to do with setting boundaries between your work life and personal life right?

 

For example, on last night's Seinfeld rerun, Elaine went out on a date with a doctor, and in the car he grabbed her tongue and started explaining to her why it was fuzzy and how the saliva ducts work etc. all the while gripping her tongue. Then he was surprised when she didn't want to kiss him.

 

So if you do the psychological equivalent of that, you're not going to get lucky.

 

See, the problem I have with this is that some people get to the point where they can't even have an opinion in the relationship because they just get "you are psychoanalysing me". Try having a conversation with THAT crap

[Storyrider]

See, the problem I have with this is that some people get to the point where they can't even have an opinion in the relationship because they just get "you are psychoanalysing me". Try having a conversation with THAT crap

Yeah, I have actually gotten that from my husband when I told him he was being passive aggressive.

 

But I don't think using one's knowledge to analyze an interpersonal situation is out of line unless it is the only way you relate or you overdo it. If you back up your observations with specific examples about the person's behavior or the situation, then it becomes clear whether you're just psychobabbling or you're really onto something.

[Leoni]

I think this would be an interesting first date. He could tell me what's wrong with himself.

[Krytie TV]

Even if I am thinking about someone in a psychological manner, I never tell them I have. I can't imagine many people would. I don't think anyone I've ever been in a relationship with would ever say I acted like a psychologist in the relationship.

[Lauriebell82]

I'm a therapist..or I will be in May when I have my masters degree. I don't have a problem with relationships, however I do tend to "psychoanalyze" my bf a lot (things he does, how he relates to me). Sometimes I drive myself a little nuts, if you've read some of my threads. He has caught on to the times I do it, and just says "stop being a therapist!" And I stop.

 

The pros are that I'm a good communicator and proactive about problem solving. I just have experience doing that from all the training and education I have recieved which HELPS my relationship immensely.

[xfess]

I went on a date with this girl last week who is in her masters program at college for Family Therapy. We got along real well and Im hoping to go on a 2nd date with her when she has some free time from studying for her finals. Im just worried if she's been analyzing me during our conversations and on our date recently - like a test subject or lab rat. Although I think there are alot of pros to dating a therapist, I just havent figured it out yet

[climbergirl]

OMG. They're always two steps ahead of you. They know what you're thinking and why you're doing it before you do.

 

Pro-they are understanding, empathetic (considering that they may have had dysfunctional relationships-which just makes them better IMO), and listen w/o judgement. And, they're introspective which bodes well for any relationship.

 

Con--they have preconceived notions of why you behave the way you do which may, possibly, be off mark. Psychologists aren't infalliable and may get stuck onto whatever 'theory' they're magneted to.

 

(my best friend is a psychologist specializing in relationships)

[melodymatters]

Ha ha ! This is one of my BEST dating stories yet ! I met a guy online like 10 yrs ago, when that was all pretty new. He was a phsychaitrist from a VERY prestigious hospital.

 

WE talked for months, then he came to my town for a bunch of weekends, and then he asked me to go with him on a summer trip to Maine.

 

So far it had been more of an intellectual relationship than physical, but we got along well so why not ?

 

We get to this cabin in Maine, and start having cocktails, and he POURS out this story of his college "True Love". Ok, thats fine, I'm dealing, but for the next 7 days, this highly regarded shrink is CRYING nightly about this woman he hasn't talked to for over 15 yrs !

 

I'm a childrens theatre producer for Gods sake, and I'm just sitting in the middle of nowhere, pouring bourban for this guy and saying " uh huh", "well have you tried to contact her since ?" and the like, for a WEEK !

 

If he hadn't paid for the lodging and lobsters I swear I should have billed him !

[mindsurfer]

I know three psychologists. One close friend and couple (both the husband and wife are psychologists) who are a part of the extended family. My friend is really good. She understands the emotional needs of all her loved ones. The couple themselves need more therapy than anyone else I know. They have a dysfuntional family. Their daughters life is a mess and they had a huge part to play. Luckily, their son moved out at the right time and is the only sane person in the family.

[mindsurfer]

shoot.. the OP was pros and cons of dating a psychologist...

[Timberlane]

I have found no cons what so ever. The psychologist I am dating is very astute at examining emotions and social interactions. However, she is not immune from the same emotional traps we all fall into. So it is not intimidating in the least to be around her. Of course, I have a BS in psychology and this helps dispell the myth that therapists are above us mortals. They are people just like the rest of us. The difference is that they are trained to listen and evaluate other's problems as objectively as possible. Whether or not they apply that to their personal lives is another thing entirely.

 

So, in short, I <3 therapists.

 

[Lauriebell82]

Con--they have preconceived notions of why you behave the way you do which may, possibly, be off mark. Psychologists aren't infalliable and may get stuck onto whatever 'theory' they're magneted to.

 

NOT TRUE!!!!!! I dont have any preconceived notions of why people behave the way they do. Yeah I tend to analyze, but in social and romantic situations I never really treat them as clients, analyzing the way they act all the time. Actually being a therapist has helped me, because I have excellent communication skills, empathy, and understanding. I have an easier time pinpointing why people do things and try to find solutions to problems..in my mind thats a plus!!!

[Lauriebell82]

I have found no cons what so ever. The psychologist I am dating is very astute at examining emotions and social interactions. However, she is not immune from the same emotional traps we all fall into. So it is not intimidating in the least to be around her. Of course, I have a BS in psychology and this helps dispell the myth that therapists are above us mortals. They are people just like the rest of us. The difference is that they are trained to listen and evaluate other's problems as objectively as possible. Whether or not they apply that to their personal lives is another thing entirely.

 

So, in short, I <3 therapists.

 

 

I second that motion!!! Psych majors/therapists are the best!!!!

[climbergirl]

NOT TRUE!!!!!! I dont have any preconceived notions of why people behave the way they do.

 

Well, I should have qualified my statement by saying.."They may have preconceived notions...", and I think it's great that you don't, but some do. Relationships with psychologists aside, even some psychologists in a clientele setting do this.

 

 

Yeah I tend to analyze, but in social and romantic situations I never really treat them as clients, analyzing the way they act all the time. Actually being a therapist has helped me, because I have excellent communication skills, empathy, and understanding. I have an easier time pinpointing why people do things and try to find solutions to problems..in my mind thats a plus!!!

 

I agree as well...it definately is a plus.

[4givrnt4gtr]

haha seems like a lot of us here are psychs huh? what does that say about us??? lol

 

I have a BA in Psychology and going onto get my PsyD in Marriage and Family THerapy (irony thy name is 4givr). I think Psychologists have a bit of a hard time stopping analyzing every detail of the relationship. How it happened why it happened and what it could possibly mean not only in the relationship but also in the other person's personality.

 

In the upside, i feel that psychs are very understanding and will try as best as possible to see the other persons point. (aka more communication, less fighting)

 

However, it is hard to be objective in your own relationship (hence why i think we all are here...we know the value of good advice, and we know we cant be impartial when it comes to our own relationships)

 

Overall, I think lucky people get to date psychs, and even luckier if they get to marry them!

[scottydog]

I dated one for 5 years. She was training for her psychiatry residency at the time. We actually broke up a year prior to her completing her residency because we were incompatible after all.

 

I can tell you from my own personal experience that while she may either be trained to be a good listener and understanding, it never really translated to her personal relationship. It's like she was able to separate her persona in her professional career from her relationship with me. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't a bad person (which is why we even dated that long), but I never found her to be more empathetic or understanding than any other of my friends. If anything, I felt she psychoanalyzed me many times and only pointed out my weaknesses without really realizing or discussing about her own issues. She was slightly obsessive though she always denied it. In the end, after 5 years, she broke up with me because she felt my weaknesses were holding her down "like a disease" (her exact words).

 

What I did share with her, I often felt like she was judging me. I felt that while she resisted from judging her own patients, when it came to someone she was dating, it was almost inevitable.

 

And for those of you who are curious, my weaknesses weren't really weaknesses as far as I'm concerned. It was lack of financial stability, lack of hobbies that included her, among other things. I was a medstudent at the time and obviously didn't have much money. She would be upset if I had spent more money on myself rather than on her. She was quite materialistic (despite her denial) and loved the finer things in life, which I ended up paying for, yet she complained about my credit card debt. One of the things that I remember really bothered me was that I bought her a 2GB ipod for her birthday once and she asked me why didn't I buy her a 4GB one instead?

 

No, I don't have bitter feelings. In fact, I held up to my promises I made to her while we were still dating and repainted her kitchen even after we broke up. We remain as distant friends still and I'm happy that she's in a serious relationship as I am in one of my own.

 

In summary, I found NO pro of dating a psychiatrist/therapist/psychologist.

As for cons, it may be just her and not applicable to others in her profession. Who knows for sure? Or maybe people in this profession are good at listening/non-judgmental/empathetic, but only for their patients and not for their own relationships.

[nicki]

Just don't respond to everything he/she says with the following:

 

"Hmmm. How does THAT make you FEEL?....Yes, and can you remember the first time in your life when you felt this same way?":p

 

I've been in a masters program for counseling psychology, and worked for several psychologists. Many people go into the profession to heal themselves.

 

Not all, but many are codependent and have a great need and ability to help others change....but they can't turn that laser insight back onto themselves and see their own patterning.

 

The mind and human behavior can be a fascinating puzzle to solve. Most psychologists are very intelligent and fun to be around, especially to debate issues with.

 

The key is to be emotionally healthy yourself. I had a teacher tell me once to stay "clean" by shining the light of awareness into my own mind.

 

Basically, good communication is a pro to dating a therapist. Overanalyzing and too much thinking is a con. Make sure to stay grounded in the body, meaning have lots of sex as well as long talks.

[maynicholas]

Make sure to stay grounded in the body, meaning have lots of sex as well as long talks.

 

I'll drink to that!

[blueskyeyes]

OK first let me say I have a BA in psychology and I'm going on to get my Ph. D. So first I must acknowledge that because of this I may have some bias but knowing this I'll try to be as objective as I can. As someone posted many people go into this field because they too have had some hurts to heal, in fact most of us have had some emotional wouds to heal. I am switching careers in my 40's. I came from a dysfunctional family which I went to therapy for and I'm a much happier for it and thus a better person. Who better to help heal others than someone who was once wounded. I try not to analyze my friends and partners but a certain amount just happens. My brother is a tiler and he scrutinizes another's tiling job from time to time. Overal I try not to analyze my friends because it's exhausting to do. I do notice things in my friends and partners but I don't say anything unless it's impacting our relationship in a negative way or unless they ask. Psychologists don't fix people they help others live a happier life. I'm not here to rescue or fix anyone. That's there responcibility, that's "thier ship to sail". If I interfere, I will be denying them the lessons that life has set before them to learn. Learning about psychology has made me more empathetic and accepting of the wide variety of personalities out there. There is 90% grey with a sliver of absolutely wrong/absolutely right. I know some of the young psychologists out there may take issue with this statement but young psychologists are not as on top of thier own issues as older psychologists. Wisdom unfortunately comes predominantly from experience. But I know older psychologists that still have major issues. Also know that good mental health is like good psysical health, you don't go to the gym, work out a few times and suddenly become pysically fit for life! Mental health, like phsysical health, is a lifestyle. I have made mistakes and I will make mistakes and I hope I will always learn from them. In the end psychologists are human, prone to error and prone to have pre-concieved notions just like everyone else. Who can say they haven't looked at someone and judged them by the way they look. I still find myself doing that from time to time but I catch myself. To answer the question:

 

Pros:

- Empathetic

- Good listener

- Willing to work on the relationship. (i.e. all relationships need some work)

- More likely than most to be able to have a fun, healthy relationship. (bias?)

- over time they are more likely than most to be even better than they were when you first met them (bias?).

 

Cons:

- The easiest person for a psychologist (or anyone) to fool is themselves. I depend on my friends/partner to help me "see" myself.

- They may have unresolved issues. (see last point)

- It may be a bit intimidating but no more so than dating a personal trainer or professional cook. I mean how many people are in top physical shape or gormet cooks (except my friend Dana - props!)?

- You can (and SHOULD) call them on thier **** and most likely they will be happy you did!

 

All in all you can meet someone from any profession that has issues. I would hope that a psychologist would have a leg up on working out personal/relationship issues (bias?). I know doctors and addiction councelors who smoke, I know Phsy. Ed. teachers/ coaches that are out of shape. So in the end I'd say dating a psychologist give a higher probability of a healthy and fun relationship but it doesn't guarentee it! In the end I would judge for yourself and trust your gut, it's usually right.

 

-JHB

Edited December 28, 2007 by blueskyeyes
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