Dating separated man with kids

[smalltownsingle]

Here's my story:

 

I started dating a guy who is going through a divorce and has 2 kids. He's got the separation papers and custody issues in order. He doesnt have the children custody but free access to them because of the distance. Im 27, never married, no children, he's 31.

 

When we met we only wanted to be friends but we totally connected and have seen each other everyday ever since. I've only known him for a week and we both feel like we've known each other for much longer. We both know we should take things slow but it just feels right the way things are.

 

I know he's stressed a lot over all the divorce issues and he misses his children a lot. He likes to have me around because I'm simple and I comfort him but he also see's that I could be a good person to be with in the future. There are no chances of him getting back with his ex, he doesnt have much good comments about her anyway.

 

I am wondering if I should force myself to slow things down, take a distance or should I let myself go with the flow. I don't know him very well, but well enough to know that I love being around him, I think about him all the time. From what I know from him, he is exactly my type of guy. My biggest fear is that I tend to fall in love easily and too quickly. I don't want to be his rebound, or get attached to him and realize he's not ready for it. He asked me to trust him and says he wouldn't hurt me... but sometimes we can get hurt even if it's not anyones intention.

 

Any advice?

[alterego1234]

I'm a guy. My wife divorced me recently. We have three kids.

 

My advice to you: don't get involved with him before he gets over his ex. If he is still focusing on her, even in a negative fashion ("he doesnt have much good comments about her anyway", you wrote) then he's not over her. Until he's over her and figures out what went wrong in his marriage and how he contributed and how he wants to change to be different in the future, I'd stay away.

 

The problem I see is that your relationship could be based on you comforting him through the divorce process. When he's over that stage, and eventually he hopefully will be, then what will your relationship be based on?

 

My 2 cents...

[Saxis]

I'm also a guy, been separated for 5 months, waiting to finish the divorce that my wife wanted. I think I want it more than she does now... We have one daughter. It's hard not to think negatively of the person you thought loved you but had based everything off of lies and whatever else that led to the situation.

 

I wouldn't necessarily stay completely away. Date him, do things with him, but I wouldn't get completely involved until you're sure everything is cleared with his X. I can't really say what he's thinking or feeling, but he's probably still bitter about it. So am I, but I've been on a date again. I had to tell the girl "friends only" because she outright told me she was looking for a husband and thought I was good material! I don't see the ego boost in that... It freaked me out. Take this very slow!!

[smalltownsingle]

Thanks for the advice. I think he is definitely over his ex, he knows what went wrong in his relationship and explained it all to me.

 

Actually, his description of how he got married is " a one night stand that went really wrong " !!! ... she got pregnant, they decided to get married for the sake of the kid, they tried to work it out for a couple of years, got another kid and then he overworked, had financial difficulties, got in a depression, and it all fell appart. Of course that`s his side of the story but it makes sense to me. (They were married seven years and his older child is 7).

 

The problem is I think he has difficulty dealing with the lost of his old lifestyle, coming home to his kids, and the possibility of going bankrupt, or having to lose the house, having to pay child support and all the debts.

 

Now I think he really likes me for who I am. I don`t think Im just a cushion for him to bounce off. But I am definitely a source of support. I don`t want to walk away from him, but I`ll try to keep it cool for a little while.