Fire Onyx Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Hi all: I've got a little situation here I'm hoping someone can help me out with. I met this girl a few weeks ago through an online dating site. The first date went okay, but I still called her back and we hung out a second time and it went fine. The third date, she invited me over to her apartment (she lives about an hour away) and wanted to spend Thanksgiving together (all of her family lives out of state and since she has to work the next day (Black Friday), she didn't leave town). I had no plans so I decided, why not? I was also going to stay the night (last night) also. I wasn't expecting to have sex or to get intimate - maybe I am naive, but regardless it happened. However, I don't feel as if there's any sort of chemistry going on between us, but after a few drinks and sharing her bed, nature took its course. The next day, I felt nothing for her...in fact I found that she was really sort of annoying. She must've felt that vibe because she asked me more than once if I was having a good time or enjoying myself (which I really wasn't but I lied and said I was to kind of duck the question). My question is - how do I make a clean break? I know, this is going to piss some people off, but I mean I can't lie to myself or to her. I am not interested in continuing dating her any longer. I don't want to just ignore her calls or break all contact, either... Any suggestions?
theadventure50120 Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 I have never had a one night stand , that's one of the reasons and i'd rather the person was still with me after that night. But tell her your interested in another girl , that's my excuse if some girl is bugging me.
Walk Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Personally.. the honorable thing to do is call her up, tell her you appreciate everything she did for you, but the feelings aren't there and you'd like to make a clean break of it. Then you'll probably hear a lot of cussing, screaming, and things being thrown... Wait 5 seconds. Say again, Thank you for inviting me and I appreciate all your effort, I wish you the best in the future. And hang up.... Either way, you did the deed, accept the consequences of your actions. Take the manly approach and acknowledge she gave you something she values, but be firm with her that it's over. If you can't do that, then you have no right to go sticking your parts into other people. p.s. I'm not saying your a bad guy.. just accept responsibility. It's less than 30 minutes out of your life that will help ease about 3 weeks of pain and self doubt that she's going to go through.
magichands Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 p.s. I'm not saying your a bad guy.. just accept responsibility. It's less than 30 minutes out of your life that will help ease about 3 weeks of pain and self doubt that she's going to go through. Great advice. Walk rules.
Green Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Im not going to say your a bad guy either, unless you said some stuff to her that had you thinking you liked her. I would just make some lie up, telling her your just not that into her after you did it would be real mean. Say your moving and it hurts to much to continue. As for one night stands this was not a one night stand considering you had been on dates with this girl and were spending a holiday with her. In my mind one night stand is when you screw a girl the first time you go out with them and you just dont call them any more after wards. I mean if you want to treat this like a true one night stand dont even call her anymore and let that be the way u end it
Guest Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Tell her that while you have a strong physical attraction to her (this part will make her at least feel somewhat better), you don't feel a strong enough emotional connection between the two of you that you need in order to further pursue a relationship. Apologize for having "led her on". But tell her that you do think highly of her and want her to find someone who she can connect with as well, because she deserves that. As previously mentioned, it's likely that you will get cursed out, but that's the price you pay for sleeping with someone that you are not ready to pursue a relationship with. I also believe that since you were physically intimate with her, the only honorable thing to do is to say these things to her in-person. Meet her at a quiet coffee shop or a quiet pub in the early evening before it gets crowded. But DO NOT tell her this over the phone, email or text messaging -- if you do that, it will only prove that you are a heartless jerk and karma will come back and bite you in the arse.
Star Gazer Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 If after two dates you didn't feel any chemistry with her, why even bother with the third date? I don't get it. What, if anything, physical happened on the 2nd date?
alphamale Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 just don't call her again F_O....trust me its the easiest way for everyone involved. she get the message after a week or two. meanwhile get tested for STDs and check your nutsack to make sure nothing funky is growing there
Poboy Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 just don't call her again F_O....trust me its the easiest way for everyone involved. she get the message after a week or two. meanwhile get tested for STDs and check your nutsack to make sure nothing funky is growing there the 1st part i dont agree ... let her know & end it 2nd part ... definitely agree
Pyro Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 My question is - how do I make a clean break? I know, this is going to piss some people off, but I mean I can't lie to myself or to her. I am not interested in continuing dating her any longer. I don't want to just ignore her calls or break all contact, either... Any suggestions? Just be honest with her. Tell her that you feel that there is no chemistry between the two of you, but don't expect her to take it well. She will probably assume that you only wanted her for sex but you know thats not true.
freckles73 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 just don't call her again F_O....trust me its the easiest way for everyone involved. she get the message after a week or two. That's really low and spineless. If you do this, you really need to grow a pair.
freckles73 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 JShe will probably assume that you only wanted her for sex but you know thats not true. But isn't that indeed what he did?
Pyro Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 That's really low and spineless. If you do this, you really need to grow a pair. Its one of his typical responses. Get use to it.
Pyro Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 But isn't that indeed what he did? It does look like that, but the OP says that he never felt the connection with her and the sex just sort of happened, but its not our place to call his story BS.
freckles73 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 the sex just sort of happened Sex just doesn't "sort of happen" that early on unless it's one of two things: 1) Both parties are really attracted to each other 2) One or both parties are just using each other for sex.
Pyro Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Sex just doesn't "sort of happen" that early on unless it's one of two things: 1) Both parties are really attracted to each other 2) One or both parties are just using each other for sex. I agree that sex just doesn't sort of happen. Either way, this woman that the OP is referring to will not take the news well.
freckles73 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 this woman that the OP is referring to will not take the news well. Of course not. He used her. No one likes to be a victim of a user. Having a guy suddenly disappear after you have sex with him is one of THE WORST feelings in the world. But time after time men continue to do this to women, not caring how much this hurts them.
Pyro Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Of course not. He used her. No one likes to be a victim of a user. Having a guy suddenly disappear after you have sex with him is one of THE WORST feelings in the world. But time after time men continue to do this to women, not caring how much this hurts them. I wouldn't say that he doesn't care. He says that he wants to be honest with her about everything. Yes, some guys, and gals don't care when they hurt someone.
freckles73 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Sounds to me like he's looking for a way to ease his own guilt. I'm not sure HER feelings are all that important to him.
Pyro Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Sounds to me like he's looking for a way to ease his own guilt. I'm not sure HER feelings are all that important to him. I can see where you are coming from on that. At least he is ending it with her and not just keeping her around for sex.
honda12345 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I think it's very honorable of you to admit that you are no longer interested. I think a subtle way to say that is "hey i think I will be busy for the coming weeks. but take care!"
Waldin Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 one night stand happend when you honry some one........ lol i'm afraind to do that thing... you know having sex with out knowing each other or don't know who is he or her?!
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