Past, Beautiful, and Broken Hook-Ups!

[Sand&Water]

A thought -actually, a memory -entered my mind a couple of days ago.

 

This memory always makes me ponder about my chances of finding the right person. It was a past hook-up made with a beautiful young man. I remember, like it was yesterday. Every time I think about it, it makes me laugh.

 

He was originally, from out of town. Had his own place, a few minutes away from school. I initially met him in one of my classes. He sat a seat away from me. I didn't and couldn't understand the nature of his actions. Slowly, I looked in his direction only to give half a smile.

 

He blurted out, a greeting along the lines of -"Hi, How are you?...Are you in this class?...How do you think the class will pan-out? I hope it will be enjoyable." I was shocked. Literally, taken aback by his good looks. He was handsome. The man, looked like he walked out of a magazine cover. Immediately, I thought he was in the wrong class. I didn't say much in return. I kept my composure, and stayed focused.

 

Within minutes he glanced over the space, and added, "My friend is seated on the other side of the lecture room, I'm going to go join him. It was nice meeting you. See you later." That was the last I heard from him, all day.

 

As the weeks progressed, he and I would catch a chat here and there on campus. I was, generally, a very shy person. I kept to myself, and made an obligation to concentrate on my studies. Informally, I could tell from the way he interacted with me, and other males/females he was an open, funny, talkative and friendly man. But that didn’t change the way I wanted to proceed with my studies, at the time. I avoided him, at almost every instance.

 

Women were gagging over him, like the number of minutes in a day. I thought it was pathetic. I wasn’t my business anyways, as I had other issues to deal with. I wasn’t interested in vigorous push-and-pull fights with women, and knew that IF I got involved –I would be treated with a rollercoaster ride of a lifetime.

 

I later heard a few rumors, around campus, about him messing around with a few women. It was like candy to him; talked about it to classmates, with all open ears. I was turned off –even more so before this incidence.

 

He attempted, numerous times, to come close to me. He bluntly said to me, “I just want to be your friend.” Ah, what a load of bullsh*t that was. Throughout all this, I –suppose unconsciously –gave him bad, rejection-like body language. After a while, he understood the hints behind the avoidance, and backed off.

 

Towards the end of the year, I heard that he had transferred to a school in the USA. I wasn’t surprised, since he had mentioned how lousy, boring, and cr**py the school was. So, in the end it was for the better.

 

As much as, I would have liked to hook-up, and make out [honestly] with this man IF the circumstances where different, I don’t regret a thing. I was very into him, at one point in time, it could have turned into a great relationship but I had to think of my priorities.

 

Ahh, the pleasures of being single.

 

I just don't get it: I'm good looking, smart, intellectual, kind, humble, respectful, unique, friendly, etc and most of all I have a lot of culture in me [Originally from one of the 7 Wonders of the World].

 

So how could it be I can't find a decent man, who I find physically attractive? This makes me mad!

 

Anyways I have to admit though, I like it when good looking men chase me.

 

END of rant.

 

Sand&Water

[phyrespryte]

I really admire that you could see that he was someone who was going to seriously mess with your head.

Had it been me, all that attention would've gotten to me. I would've thought I'm so special, things will be different and tried to make something happen.

 

I just don't get it: I'm good looking, smart, intellectual, kind, humble, respectful, unique, friendly, etc and most of all I have a lot of culture in me [Originally from one of the 7 Wonders of the World].

 

So how could it be I can't find a decent man, who I find physically attractive? This makes me mad!

 

It seems like there's a lot of people asking this question lately. I wish I knew the answer, but unfortunately I'm wondering the same thing.

[Walk]

I can't figure out a good way to say this..

 

I didn't understand when you said "As much as, I would have liked to hook-up, and make out [honestly] with this man IF the circumstances where different, I don’t regret a thing. I was very into him, at one point in time, it could have turned into a great relationship but I had to think of my priorities."

 

What circumstances? If he hadn't had other women hitting on him?

 

You said it could have turned into a great relationship, but (maybe I misread this) where did you two actually talk and learn about who each of you were. If you meant, "it could've been a great physical relationship" then maybe. If it was all about how he looked and his personality doesn't matter. Then I guess you'd be right. But how could you know who he was on the inside by a few words and watching him from across the room?

 

I'm probably all skewed in the head.. but I don't understand how you figured out that he wasn't right for you. I don't understand the logic that lead to your conclusions. Maybe it's because you didn't write it all down, so I'm missing pieces? But from what I read.. there wasn't anything there. You two didn't go out together. Didn't really talk other than "hi". You felt lust for him based on his looks, and rejected him because others lusted after him based on his looks.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh. But I don't think you're really considering the reasons behind why you came to the decision you did. Sometimes we think things that on closer inspection turn out to be based on false ideas. I would have interpreted your situation differently. I reject guys who have women throwing themselves at them because inside I don't feel I have anything special to offer them. Why would they pick me over others, when I'm no different.. so I don't try. Then I pass it off as I didn't really want the guy. He was probably a player. He would've just broken my heart. All because I lacked the self-confidence to know I was someone special, and if he didn't want me then it was his loss. I didn't have the confidence to strike up a conversation to learn if he was a guy who would be worth while to get to know, or if underneath his pretty exterior lay a waste land of nothingness. I never had the confidence to even put effort into finding out. So I'd keep my little fantasies about how we would've been perfect together, but I didn't want him because he wasn't right for me.

 

I don't think you're quite telling the honest truth to yourself about what happened. And unless you can do that, then you'll hit the same wall over and over. You won't meet mr perfect because you'll shut him out long before there's even a chance to connect. You'll wish for more, and convince yourself you did the right thing by protecting your heart. But in your over cautiousness, you've created too big a barrier for others to over come. And when the person gives up because they think you aren't interested, then you'll say "See, I was right.".

 

I'm sorry if this is harsh. And I don't know you, so I could be completely wrong. If after considering it you decide I'm full of bull, just say so. I won't take offense. It's just my thoughts on your post. You know the entire story and exactly what happened, I don't.

[Sand&Water]

Reply:

I really admire that you could see that he was someone who was going to seriously mess with your head.

Thank you, Phyrespryte, for your reply.

 

At the time, I had priorities. I wasn't going to allow myself, to feel lovey-dovey and special by a good looking man. That wasn't my idea of boyfriend material.

 

I am very self-aware of my actions, and tend to brutually inspect the situation. As a result, I knew that one way or another -in the end, I was just going to be taken advantage of, due to the fact that I am shy.

 

Regards,

Sand&Water

[Sand&Water]

Reply:

What circumstances? If he hadn't had other women hitting on him?

Thank you, Walk, for your reply.

 

Your post, was not harsh at all. I totally understand where you are coming from. Most people, would have thought the same and questioned the core credibility of my actions, and decision.

 

First, and foremost, didn't bother me whether or not other women were hitting on him. It was none of my business. I was not the type of person, that would snoop around and attempt to snatch him from other women. No. Still am not.

 

I didn't delve into the whole story, much, I must admit. At the beginning, it was simple hellos. Then, it progressed to normal-full conversations. He and I talked about school, his family, life, weather, Christmas, and so forth. He asked me alot of questions, but I was hesitant. I didn't say much. But, I did engage in adequate, pleasant conversation.

 

I felt, he wanted to get to know me better. At one point, he said it straight to my face. It is at that particular moment in my life, when I slowly withdrew from the situation. I had other issues to attend to -personal, and family matters that I, only I, had to tackle.

 

I was emotionally incapable of handling my personal issues, school, and the attraction I had towards him -all at the same time. It was bad timing.

 

It wasn't all about the extrenal beauty. He was, indeed, a nice, genuine, funny -considerably hilarious, caring person. I laughed with him, several times, and I actually enjoyed it. It was easy to talk to him. But, he had flaws. And, the number one turn off for me, was his openness about his sex life. He talked about it, like it was bread. I didn't want to know the details, and I wasn't pleased with the way he handled himself.

 

All in all, it may not have been the wisest thing to do -IF it were any other woman -but I'm happy with the way it turned out.

 

Now, I think I'm just going to focus on me -and only me. I've been neglecting myself for years. When the right time comes, someone special will enter my life.

 

Regards,

Sand&Water

[Guest]

“I reject guys who have women throwing themselves at them because inside I don't feel I have anything special to offer them. Why would they pick me over others, when I'm no different.. so I don't try. Then I pass it off as I didn't really want the guy. He was probably a player. He would've just broken my heart. All because I lacked the self-confidence to know I was someone special, and if he didn't want me then it was his loss. I didn't have the confidence to strike up a conversation to learn if he was a guy who would be worth while to get to know, or if underneath his pretty exterior lay a waste land of nothingness.

 

I never had the confidence to even put effort into finding out. So I'd keep my little fantasies about how we would've been perfect together, but I didn't want him because he wasn't right for me. You won't meet mr perfect because you'll shut him out long before there's even a chance to connect. You'll wish for more, and convince yourself you did the right thing by protecting your heart. But in your over cautiousness, you've created too big a barrier for others to over come. And when the person gives up because they think you aren't interested, then you'll say "See, I was right." Exactly. I totally understand this logic. That is why TIME and positive thinking is important. In many ways what we believe are things that are impossible to solve are things that really do have solutions.

 

The important thing to remember is that nothing, and I mean nothing gets solved without communication – so those who are in this type of position should examine just one thing first – the pros and cons of communicating or not communicating. If you communicate, whether the outcome is good or bad, at least you have your answer. If you don’t communicate, you will always wonder ‘what if’. Remember – never is a very long time. Never say never.

[Walk]

Now, I think I'm just going to focus on me -and only me. I've been neglecting myself for years. When the right time comes, someone special will enter my life.

 

Doh, Now I get it. I'm glad you added more detail, i was kind of confused because the first post kind of sounded like you were saying... well, it sounded kind of ignorant. But I've read other posts you've made and you have intelligent, self-aware, wise comments to make... I couldn't get those two concepts to click together and it was confusing the heck outta me... Your second post sounded more like the Sand&Water I was familiar with reading.

 

Feel kind of retarded for my previous post on this thread. I should've trusted you weren't so naive, and that there was more to the story than posted.

 

Anyway.. It's good to read about someone who took all facts and circumstances into consideration before involving another person into their life. And I really admire your understanding of your limitations. Took me dang near 30 years to figure out mine. Actually, can't say I have yet... I still end up getting in way over my head at times. I'm impressed by people who were able to understand their limitations and actually use that understanding to make good decisions at a young(er) age.

[Sand&Water]

Reply:

If you don’t communicate, you will always wonder ‘what if’.

Yes. Indeed. I have wondered "What If". What if he and I established an exhilarating romantic relationship. What if I had placed more effort into distinguishing myself from other women.

 

All those "What Ifs" don't matter, anymore. I made a choice. I chose to disconnect. It is history, now.

 

Sand&Water

[Sand&Water]

Reply:

Feel kind of retarded for my previous post on this thread. I should've trusted you weren't so naive, and that there was more to the story than posted.

 

You stood, your ground at the time. Every opinion has it's moment. You let out your honest opinion. And, there is nothing wrong with that. Everything has a reason, and you had valid reason.

 

It is in the past, now. However, I learned a lot from my actions and even my subconscious intentions. Believe me, I have drastically changed in the last 1-2 years than I have over the course of the later half of my life.

 

I find men increasingly boring. I have yet to meet, someone that is different than the preceived notion of laid-backed male persona.

 

I just, in one form or another, desire a man that could fuel my imagination and cherish the essense of my personal nature.

 

It is in the past, now. I, can only, look forward to the future.

 

Regards,

Sand&Water

[Walk]

Just curious.. How old are you? I took you to be early 20's because you mentioned college, but your last post sounds like you're maybe late 20's, early 30's?

 

I'm curious because I felt that I changed drastically from 28-29. To the point where I would say the person prior to that is foreign to me. And I thought it was specific to the events that occured at that time... Although, I haven't quite decided if the events were spurred by the internal change in me, or if the events caused the internal change.

 

I don't think I'd say men are boring... but I will say it's hard to find a person of substantial depth anymore.

[Sand&Water]

Reply:

I took you to be early 20's because you mentioned college, but your last post sounds like you're maybe late 20's, early 30's?

I have been widely mistaken for being early-mid thirties all the time. Even though, I generally look late teens-early twenties. I know I'm wise beyond my years, but as every day passes by I grow to believe the contrary. In the end, though, it doesn't matter how old I am.

I don't think I'd say men are boring... but I will say it's hard to find a person of substantial depth anymore.

Oh yes. I find men boring [for lack of a better term], due to the result of lack of substantial depth and intellectual spontaneity.

 

I know, someday, a suitable person will come by. Thank you, Walk.

 

Regards,

Sand&Water