Needy boyfriend

[Cutegrl23]

My bf is behaving like a clingy needy woman! (no offense to clingy needed women I’ve been one before) He is driving me crazy. He has this huge thing about how much time I spend with him. For example last week I was sick so I didn’t see him very often- we saw eachother 2 days. HE works till 6 or 7pm and I work till 5pm on weekdays and since it is a 45 min. drive each way I may only see him two week days and then on Saturday. Last night he asked me to drive over and see him and his son and I was tired and had to do my grocery shopping but I drove the 45 min to see them. We went to a park and walked around and talked. I thought everything was fine when I left around 8pm. Well I get home and I’m tired and I get a call from my bf who is yelling at me that I don’t spend enough time with him.

 

I had invited him to go out to eat with me later this week and he now tells me he is not going because he doesn’t like my behavior/attitude. (When I saw him he started bitching about how we only seem to see eachother two days a week lately and I told him “Don’t start” because I didn’t’ want to hear it. I’ve told him repeatedly that bitching/complaining to me is not the way to convince me to spend more time with him. I look at it as basically why waste my time seeing him if afterward I’m just going to hear about how I didn’t’ stay with him enough hours or that I did something else wrong.

 

He wants me to spend time with him even if we don’t have plans, he just likes sitting in front of the tv watching cartoons with his son. Well that is fine for him but after working all day I don’t feel like driving 45 minutes to sit and watch cartoons. I’d rather stay home and relax. Sometimes he will drive out my way and we will hang out for awhile (he’s not allowed at my house because I have a roommate who doesn’t like him) usually at the mall, or a restaurant or a park or someplace. He is the type of person who would go anywhere or do anything to spend time with me. I am the type of person that won’t spend time with him if I don’t like the activity (for example he went to a car show and I hate car shows so I didn’t go with him) I”ve gone to all kinds of activities with him for his son (parades, birthday parties, the zoo) so its not like it has to be my way all the time.

 

I am just sick of putting an effort into seeing him (my philosophy is that it is nice to even see my bf for a few hours- I don’t carry a stop watch with me to figure out the exact time we are together as he seems to) If I stop at my bf to surprise him but can only stay an hour he gets mad and tells me that I shouldn’t’ have stopped because I’m not willing to spend any large amount of time with him (once I stopped to see him and it started to storm at night and I wanted to get home because I hate driving in storms and he flipped out because I left early to get home) I have a busy life right now as I am buying a house (my first house!) and I work full time and recently my grandmother passed away and so I’m dealing with the grief of that. My bf is NOT supportive. All he cares about is how much time I do or don’t spend with him. He finds fault in EVERYTHING I DO. If I think we had a good day together then I get a call from him complaining about something I did or didn’t do or said or didn’t say that he is upset about!! It drives me crazy!!

 

He is not always like this. One week he will be perfectly happy with how everything is going nad the next week he is upset at everything I do. I am so fed up, I don’t understand his behavior. Why is he acting this way? I could spend three days a week with him nad then that’s not good enough, he will complain that he wants to see me four days a week. Right now he wants me to go to his son’s open house at school and I feel awkward because I’m not his mother! My bf doesn’t understand this just says I don’t want to go because I don’t want to spend time with him. No, I’m just busy and have other things I”d rather do. If I am not with him my bf just sits at home and watches tv so I can see how he’d be bored but that’s his problem. I’ve tried talking him into getting some other interests so maybe he will lighten up on me a little. How do I make him see that I just don’t want to spend 24/7 with him? And how do I make him understand that the more he bitches at me and complains that I don’t spend enough time with him that this will make me actually spend even less time with him because I DON”T WANT TO BE AROUND SOMEONE WHO TREATS ME THAT WAY?

[MadDog]

I'd say dump him and this is for 2 reasons:

 

1. You guys are incompatible on the level of how independent you are. He needs someone who is co-dependent like he is and you need someone who is more independent like you are. When people are mismatched on how dependent they are, both parties end up being unhappy.

 

2. He's selfish. If you make the effort to drive out 45 minutes so you can be with him for an hour, he should feel happy and not give you **** about how you didn't spend more time with him. He's only thinking about how he's feeling and not appreciating the effort you've put in.

 

It'll be much easier to dump him and find a guy who's more compatible and appreciative than to try to change this guy, I guarantee it.

[Guest]

I'd say dump him and this is for 2 reasons:

 

1. You guys are incompatible on the level of how independent you are. He needs someone who is co-dependent like he is and you need someone who is more independent like you are. When people are mismatched on how dependent they are, both parties end up being unhappy.

 

2. He's selfish. If you make the effort to drive out 45 minutes so you can be with him for an hour, he should feel happy and not give you **** about how you didn't spend more time with him. He's only thinking about how he's feeling and not appreciating the effort you've put in.

 

It'll be much easier to dump him and find a guy who's more compatible and appreciative than to try to change this guy, I guarantee it.

 

 

 

I agree with this poster- your boyfriend sounds immature and doesn't appreciate you. He's not going to change.