A Friendship that Ended Badly.

[M&M28]

You know those friendship that you need to end, that you hope to end in a nice way, because you still care about them? So that you can pick up later down the line when both of you were in the right place to do so? Well I tried *really* hard doing that with a friend a few weeks ago. Even though it was my decision since things in my life I know I needed to change and I just wasn't feeling like she was my friend any more and we both were changing and going into two completely different directions. That and she was just an 'online friend,' but she meant the world to me, just the same. I know this may sound strange and I know I'm at fault for it. But in the end the friendship ended badly.

 

A lot of it I admit was my fault in the way I do things and push people away, but that's what I know I needed to change. She could never put herself in my shoes and realize what I've been through in life and I'm still trying to work those emotions and strong feelings out. I tried to explain things as nicely as I could, but she later ended up twisting them and even though not naming me bad mouthed me on her blog and twisted everything I told her on other peoples blogs. What I realized is that online stuff doesn't show emotion (big duh here) and you can take things in your own way, even though it wasn't the other persons intent. She made me out to be a real monster it seemed and I tried asking her why and it blew up again from there. Eventually, I tried to be the bigger person and just apologized (in the end) for any hurt and pain I had caused her. And I truly meant it.

 

I guess what I'm doing by posting this is she's still on my mind a lot we were friends for a long time and I know I should just get over it, and I shouldn't even think twice about it because if she truly thought of me that way in the end then she didn't really bother to get to know the real me (even though through many years I've told her almost everything about my life) if she thinks of me like that. I'm sure I'll feel differently years from now, but it does hurt and its strange we aren't friends any more. I watched her let other people get closer and closer to her and talk on the phone etc. from the online world, and she never did that with me even though I brought it up and hinted at it at times. So I guess I was hurt and a little/lot jealous they had more of a friendship with her than I did. And I knew her longer. Right now I'm trying to change and better myself by making more close friends offline - for now I'm through with having really close online relationships - just buddies to talk to for fun. Any way I'm trying not to give out too much info and twist things like she did with me...

 

But my thing is is it possible after a lot of time when a friendship ends really badly to maybe pick up (maybe not be as close) again sometime in the future? Has this happened to any one else? I'm sure under different circumstances. I know I'm only feeling (again) this way now. I know when my life gets even more busy etc. But I'm just curious for future references and in hopes I'm not alone.

 

The other big thing is I can and know what I've done wrong and admit to them and own up to them. She still even though I've told her some of my reasons for leaving the friendship were not only to better myself, but we were just drifting apart and have been for a long time. And I didn't tell her this I have to stop putting all of my life into online relationships and make real life ones. I mean is that so wrong? Because after everything that's happened I felt like she was trying to say it was. I know the way I did this was wrong, but I did learn a lot from this friendship and even though I shouldn't I still care about it and her.

 

Okay end of my babble. I really did try to keep it short. Sorry if it wasn't accomplished. And I'm a newbie so please go easy on me. I've had to grow up a lot in my life basically, but being shy doesn't help in a lot of ways not to mention I do not have a lot of luck in finding the right types of relationships and do not really have very much experience.