Clingy Friend

[RavenGirl]

I met this friend online, I'll call her Jo (she's about 50 yrs old - I am 28)...we have been friends for a few years now. She is very nice & a good friend but she's TOO CLINGY! I made the mistake of getting her on MSN messenger (early in our friendship) and then she wanted to talk for HOURS - EVERY SINGLE DAY. She has several medical issues and I really feel for her but she wants me to devote all of my spare time chatting with her. And then she only talks about how bad she's feeling or telling me about some other people's lives that I don't care to hear about. I have been friendly & accommodating up until recently b/c it's gotten to the point that it has really wore on my nerves & it's PISSING ME OFF and I have kinda had a little attitude with her lately.

 

I have a toddler (2 yrs old) and he needs my time but she expects me to sit with her all the time (on messenger) and if I'm not online a day or 2, I find several emails from her saying 'we must not be friends' or 'am I mad at her'. Also, if I say BRB on my messenger to go do something around the house or take care of my son, every couple minutes she types 'you back yet?' or 'you here'? WTF!?!?!? I am on several 'email groups' which require some of my time...and she 'suggested' I leave some of the groups so I'd have more free time to spend with her! I cannot spend all of my spare time trying to make her feel better!

 

Here is a few messages from her today when I was playing with my son - I even TOLD her I was spending time with him (I had my messenger status on BUSY too but that didn't stop her):

 

[02:46] too busy to answer ange:(

[02:46] you use to be fun

[02:46] made time for me too

[02:47] now not any time for Jo

 

THEN, I got an email a little later saying basically the same thing. I've NEVER had a clingy friend like this! She lost a couple friends recently (probably b/c of the SAME thing with them - she's even STILL trying to email one of them to be friends again!). I have lots of friends but I don't talk to them every single day for hours...I LOVE having alone time - always have! PLUS, I HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF COMPUTER!

 

Any advice as to what to say to her b/c I don't want to hurt her feelings really bad...she's already stayed up all night crying at her computer a few times b/c I wasn't online for a few days!!! I'm thisclose to telling her off b/c it's to the point that I can't take it anymore and I would be better off WITHOUT a 'friend' like this!

[cosmogal]

I have encountered stuff like this before.

It's amazing how some people don't understand there are other people and things in your life you must tend to!

Having a toddler, I must say, that I thought was an acception to anyone. Obviously, children, especially of that age, can't be left alone. She should realize that. And yes, it's sad she doesn't feel well and stuff, but she has to understand, you have other agendas going on. Tell her next time, "Look, it's not that I don't care about you or what's going on in your life. Your a friend and I care, but I have a son to watch and other things that NEED to be done. I have no trouble making time to speak/hang out with you, but it wont be as consistant as you'd like it to be. Pls try to understand my POV."

 

In your situation, you HAVE to tell her this. Tell her when you state "BRB" that means you have things to take care of and a child to feed. She should understand this as long as you put things delicatley.

[jhurtinct]

I think she almost sounds alittle too attached, does she have other friends/family she can turn to?

 

I think you need to tell her that with your toddler needing much, much more of your time you need to set a sch. to be online and don't be signed on at all other than that. IF she doesn't understand explain to her that her emails are getting out of hand and you have to make time for #1 right now (your son) and your very sorry.

 

Good luck almost sounds a wee bit scary.