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Roommate trouble!


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Old 1st September 2005, 9:25 AM   #1
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Angry Roommate trouble!



So here is my problem. I have a roommate that I have know as a friend for 12 yrs or so, and he moved in about a year and a half ago. He was needing to be away from his family/home life then and I had a empty room. Well things were okay for awhile. But now things are not working so well right now.

I don't feel that he is respecting me or my home. We agreed on price and timing of payment before he moved in and he has yet to stick to the day is suppose to pay me. I also always have to ask him for it and then I have to wait for him for a few days after that to actually get it. My bills have been late because of this sometimes. I had no trouble surviving before he moved in because I had expenses well balanced, but since there are 2 people there now, things have gone up alittle. I have tried to give him a break by making his rent reasonable since the place is mine and I feel that because of that I should be paying alittle more of the mortgage part then he should, but still split the other expenses since they are shared. I am just tired of stressing because he thinks just forgetting to pay me on time is normal somehow. He wouldn't be able to get away with it anywhere else now would he? I have mentioned these things many times. I mention to him that if he couldn't pay me on time for a legimite reason that he just needs to tell me well in advance so I can plan on him being late...is this too much to ask or am I giving him to much slack or something??

Okay so now that that issue turned into a book, here is the next thing. I don't feel he pulls his weight when it comes to keeping up the place either. Again I understand it is my place and I might take alittle more care in keeping somethings up for my own taste, but donot want to have to spend a good piece of my free time cleaning up, making things look nice, just to come home the next day or evening to find he has messed things? Example: Last Thursday I stayed home and spent some of my evening cleaning the kitchen and it looked real nice (I just redid it a few months ago) and I come home a day later to find he cleaned his room and all the dishes that he was too lazy to bring out for over a week are crowded in the sink and the counter and the stove! The kitchen is small, so those dishes make it look sooo trashed! I have not touched those dishes at all and I have only been taking care of only my own things as a way of being "on strike". They are still there and it has been atleast 5 days and no effort has been made. The sink is less then a foot away from the EMPTY dishwasher. He doesn't even have to wash them by hand or anything! He also dumped some of the things he wants to get rid of in the middle of the dining room. I just steam cleaned to carpets while he went on vacation with his family because I figured it would be less of a inconivence for both of us. But now it looks like I never did a thing...

So from here on out as long as I can stand it I will be only taking care of my things and see what happens. It is either that or I try to lay down ground rules again and see if anything changes, I just hate to think I have to be almost a mother to a 25 man who has been through college and is in management....

It is funny to because somehow he thinks he is doing me the complete favor by being there and yet I am the one who has given up the most to try to be a decent friend and landlord!

I am not saying that I am the perfect friend or perfect when it comes to bills and cleaning, but at the same time you can only do so much and say so much to someone who honestly believes he is doing the world such a big favor by living on it! (can you tell I am alittle angry about this now? hahaha)

I have come to accept that if things don't get better I will have no choice but to send him packing and that it may cost a friendship. But at this point I feel I may get resentful enough eventually that it would matter because I couldn't be a close friend to him anymore. We have history as far as I have helped him through some tough issues and part of that was letting him move in, I just feel I am getting crapped on and not respected the same way.

Anyway enough complaining...Let me know what you all think...although I think I know already what I have to do, I just want to know I am not overeacting.....

Thanks,
Silas25
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Old 1st September 2005, 9:33 AM   #2
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Get rid of him. Plain & simple. Landlord & friend is rarely a good combination.

Tell him your friendship is in jeopardy because you're not compatible as room-mates, give him a reasonable amount of time and then stick to your guns.
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Old 1st September 2005, 9:37 AM   #3
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buss

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluechocolate
Get rid of him. Plain & simple. Landlord & friend is rarely a good combination.
doing business with a friend or lover is rarely a good idea and almost always ends up blowing up in your face
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Old 1st September 2005, 10:22 AM   #4
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I had the same situation with a friend. She was my roomate never cleand didn't use soap when she washed the dishes owed me $900 ruined the friendship. It's over three years she is almost done repaying me and we are starting to speak again.

But I had to tell her point blank that the $$ was a big issue for me a harship to lend that it pissed me off that she never she thank you once that I expected to be repaid. It took three years and her moving to another coast to start to try to rebuild the friendship and I still do most the work.

so I say kick him out and try to salvage what's left.
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Old 1st September 2005, 2:11 PM   #5
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unless you've said something to him about it, he may not know he is upsetting you so much... and i mean really said something, not just jokes about him being a slob.

sometimes silence is acceptance to some people. even if he knows it annoys you, he knows you will let him get away with it, so why should he change? he's using it to his advantage. he may even be thinking "i'm lazy, i'll wait til he tells me do it. until then, i'm not in trouble."

talk to him about it first.

there's some kind of quote about anger not being justified unless you notify the person and give the person a chance to change their ways--but i forget it exactly.

tell him it's your house and this is how you want it, and if it doesn't change, he has X amount of days to find a new place.

(p.s. i am not taking sides, trust me, i have had roommate issues in the past as well and i would be just as annoyed.)
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Last edited by RainyDayWoman; 1st September 2005 at 2:14 PM..
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Old 2nd September 2005, 11:44 AM   #6
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Well I have talked to him about some of these issues before and he just seems to think I am asking for to much. That somehow he thinks I want the condo to spotless at all times, which isn't the case. I want it to seemed lived in, but not someplace you don't have room to sit or sit your cup down on the table. And when I spend time getting looking spotless cuz I want too, I don't want to come home to it looking worse because the dishes don't jump in the dishwasher on their own...wouldn't that be fun!! ahaha

I did stop the dirty laundry from migrating to the dining room early on. yeah it's cool to use it to seperate while doing laundry, but not leave it there for days...I told him, no one wants to see your dirty drawers!! We had a good laugh about it, and it has never happened again...

Well I guess I will discuss somethings with him again and let him know one more time that I am tired of it and if it doesn't change then he needs to find somewhere else to live....

Thanks everyone I was starting to think I was crazy!!

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Old 2nd September 2005, 1:19 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silas25

I did stop the dirty laundry from migrating to the dining room early on. yeah it's cool to use it to seperate while doing laundry, but not leave it there for days...I told him, no one wants to see your dirty drawers!! We had a good laugh about it, and it has never happened again...


well then, it does sound like you have decent ground to stand on there...if he had acted like a total dyck when you broached this subject, you could expect to get the same results when asking about similar issues. but you both laughed, no big deal, and now it never happens. yay!

you never know, he may just shape up when you talk to him again about everything else...but at least if he doesn't, he knows he's out.

good luck, and let us know what happens!
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Old 21st September 2005, 10:32 AM   #8
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Thumbs up Talk

Well the roommate and I had the "talk last night" and he said he will make more of an effort and that he understands that I don't want things spotless or require him to use alot of his time. That I just want to look nice, but also be comfortable (not all museumy).

He said I know I am a slob and I will try to do better.....

so we will see how it goes. I know ppl don't always change, but I want to give this friend of so many years the benefit of believing he will try harder. I just also let him know if things are not better there will be consequences.

He also said that he doesn't want to make things to hard on me because I have the power to kick him out and he has no where else to go. His Mother's is not longer and option since they don't understand each other or see eye to eye.

Anyways! Have a great all!

Silas25
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Old 27th September 2005, 10:11 PM   #9
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Bah. My roommate's the same way, except I can't send him packing because we're in separate leases. He's also my business partner as well. He's a ****ing slob. Absolutely. Same with the dishes, trash, floor, clothes, etc. I'm not a clean freak, but I like to be able to walk around my house with bare feet, and I can't. Its gross. I would suggest if he doesn't fix himself, take his damn dishes and put them on his bed. Anything you don't like, put it on his bed. If he locks his door, put everything in front of his door. Absolutely put it in his way so he has no choice but to move it to do what he has to do. If he moves it to the side without actually doing the work, then you know you need to get rid of him. If he sees it and attends to it, then slowly coax him into doing what he's supposed to.
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Old 30th September 2005, 12:15 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slapshot2286
I would suggest if he doesn't fix himself, take his damn dishes and put them on his bed. Anything you don't like, put it on his bed. If he locks his door, put everything in front of his door. Absolutely put it in his way so he has no choice but to move it to do what he has to do. If he moves it to the side without actually doing the work, then you know you need to get rid of him. If he sees it and attends to it, then slowly coax him into doing what he's supposed to.
**I have been doing that some. I put things in front of his door (he keeps it closed). He practically trips over it all. And I put all sorts of things on his bed when I am brave enough to open the door. I am scared something might bit me! ahah

Anyhow, there hasn't been much change thus far. Except for the rent thing. He has set up on that bill pay thingy. His bank will automatically send me a check every month, so that pacifies me for now. I am suppose to get the first "bank mailed check" today. So I will see how this goes....

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Old 30th September 2005, 1:38 PM   #11
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Grow some balls bro, he's your roommate, not your girlfriend. Put the **** on his bed. Walk in there, and place dirty dishes face down on his pillow. Put them over his computer mouse, dirty clothes over his tv, etc. Place them everywhere that's inconvenient for him to do ANYTHING without at least moving them. At worst, all the junk will end up in his room and not around the house .
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Old 3rd October 2005, 10:32 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slapshot2286
Grow some balls bro, he's your roommate, not your girlfriend.
Ha Ha Ha, I would but since I am female that prolly isn't a good idea! aahaha

My boyfriend wouldn't like it either. Ha Ha

Oh well, I think I will just kick him out soon anyhow. I would rather live by myself then with a roommate.

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Old 3rd October 2005, 10:40 AM   #13
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This sort of reminds me of the film "Shaun of the Dead"... just don't let it get to the point where you have to chain him up in the garden shed!!!

At least you seem to own the house, which means you have a leg to stand on when you want things done - better than all paying an equal rent to a landlord and not being able to complain to others about the state of the shared kitchen! In my uni halls it often seems like half of us spend our time cleaning up for the other half! After a party the other night, only four of us bothered to clear up the next morning. But other than trying to jokingly comment about it we can't really do much to get it sorted out.

Be firm, lay down the house rules, and if he breaks them... kick him out.
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Old 3rd October 2005, 4:55 PM   #14
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This sort of reminds me of the film "Shaun of the Dead"... just don't let it get to the point where you have to chain him up in the garden shed!!!
hhhmmm....there is a nice shed next door.....hahaha

Yeah I figure I have most of the "trump cards" right now.

It is just unfortunte it has to happen, I am currently having issues with my boyfriend too...yuck! A girl can only handle so much!

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Old 28th February 2006, 9:44 AM   #15
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update

Okay so here is a quick update...

Eureka he has it!!! My Roommate has actually been doing his part! Cleaning up and taking out trash.

He has his rent payment set up on automatic bill pay, so I get a check in the mail the day his rent is due!! yyeeaah!

I am not sure what happened or if he just opened his eyes and actually saw my fustration, but somehow someway the light bulb came on!

I intend to enjoy it while it lasts!!!

Have a happy day posters!!!

Silas25
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