Raymeow Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 Every time we interact, I have to listen to them all the time. How do I build actual friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 My take would be that they aren't your friends. You also have to give besides take. If you're just sitting there listening to them and they won't hear you out, it's best to find new people to hang out with. It you feel you're just emotional sponge to them, that's all you are to them. Link to post Share on other sites
MINAKO Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 If you feel more like their therapist than friend, then it is not a healthy relationship. Maybe it really is just a strange time and everyone is going through a lot. In that case, have you tried sharing your own problems with them? Because I wonder if they would be your sponge when you go through tough times. Otherwise, this sounds draining. I have experienced this a lot in the past. It ended with me getting fed up and sadly giving up on those "friendships". However, I have found far better friends since that time. You also deserve to have real friends, instead of basically clients who just come to you to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 well being a good listener is half the battle in making or nurturing friendships, I understand what you are saying though, you would like to express your own thoughts and get a listening ear from time to time also, Will they still meet up with you to go to social events and so on- if that is the case I dont think it is a real problem, if they are only meeting when they want something from you, that is a different story and sign that they are not genuine friends. reach out yourself, take the initiative, see will they meet you for a drink, suggest going to an event and so on. your friends may prefer to see you take the initiative more too. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Show sympathy for your friends. They are counting on you and maybe they have no one else to talk to. Eventually it will stop and turn around. You could ask whether talking to you really helps them. Maybe it does not, in fact. Perhaps they realize that you are not much help anyway. It has been shown that talking out problems does not help as much as we think. It could even make it worse for the person. (Therapists will not admit that.) Or you could say that you don't understand the situation and cannot advise them Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Raymeow, If you live long enough you find out who are people you've known and who are truly friends. Unfortunantly, you may have fewer friends than you realize. I've had people in my life that would call or come over and do as you've described, and sure being a good listener or lending an ear is all fine and well. However, when I turned it around and needed those same people to be good listeners or for anything at all. Couldn't get them to answer the phone, or call me back. The whole point is only you know if it's one sided. If it is, you ain't lost nothing, cause you never had anything, but they did, they actually had a friend who listened. You build actual friendship by both giving and taking equally, not you giving and them taking. Link to post Share on other sites
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