Outgrowing a friend

[LotusAvx]

My friend and I met exactly two years ago and we have been very close ever since. A big problem is that I was in the "partying stage" of my life when I met her (around 22 years old) and she has always had that life so we clicked and had a lot of fun together the past 2 years, but also a lot of toxic behaviours.

 

Lately I have been feeling depressed or in some sort of shift where I don't enjoy certain things I use to, like partying. I don't know if I don't enjoy these things because of depression or if I am truly outgrowing these things. I think it is a bit of both, as I look back at some of the things I did/situations I was in and wonder WHY I wanted to be in those situations. My perspective on many things are changing and I feel like I want to be someone who is classier and not a party girl who glorifies that scene as I did.

 

When I hangout with this friend, we still talk and get along, but I don't feel content. I feel unhappy afterwards usually and I just don't get the same fulfillment out of our friendship. I am noticing little things she does that annoy me, like the way she talks to people sometimes or how pushy she is. I use to think highly of her, as when we met, I was hoping to meet a friend I could have all the experiences of youth you're "supposed" to have since I missed out in high school and college due to social anxiety.

 

Recently, my friend has gotten her life together and is much more serious about her life and her future. We do not go out/party as much and I try to avoid it when she asks me to go out. She has definitely gotten much better and we are no where near where we were in our friendships 1-2 years ago in terms of being bad influences on each other. Which is why I decided to move in with her as we were both looking for apartments. I have lived alone for 2 years in a small apartment and have been craving a bigger space, and she is in a similar situation.

 

For some reason, I decided this would be a good idea: I have been checking out places for months in hopes of finding something bigger and being able to be in the same rent budget as I am now. So with the lease we signed, we would be sharing a two bedroom apartment and paying around what we are now for a much bigger place. I must have been in a really good mood/excited for any kind of change when I signed the lease, but the more I think about it, I don't think it is a good idea. This is especially because I wouldn't want it to ruin what friendship we might have left. Part of me thinks it is a good idea and to embrace a change, but there is also no reason to leave my current apartment, so if it doesn't work out, I will be regretting it. We BOTH are on this lease and she is already moved in and I am moving in in July. After seeing the place again, I realized it isn't as nice as I thought it was either. If I back out now, she would be furious with me and I would be f****** her over.

 

I absolutely should have thought about it more before agreeing. I just felt really excited and wanted any kind of change in life. I am having major cold feet and I don't think I can back out now without there being consequences. I don't know how it might affect our already dying friendship...any advice is appreciated!

[Foxhall]

My thoughts are it is not really a good thing to be living alone or spending too much time alone at your age,

 

that you would be better off with the company of your friend and having that social circle which will tie in with that,

 

you also will have a bigger apartment, you have already made a commitment in terms of signing a lease and so on,

 

it is good to get out living with, sharing with your friends,good preparation for life,not be cutting yourself off from society by going home to a small apartment,(I am factoring in your previous experience of social anxiety too which means it is more important that you do not get into solitary ways now)

 

I would advise certainly do not back out now , go ahead make the move into this new apartment and give it a trial period anyway.

[Eternal Sunshine]

My thoughts are it is not really a good thing to be living alone or spending too much time alone at your age,

 

that you would be better off with the company of your friend and having that social circle which will tie in with that,

 

you also will have a bigger apartment, you have already made a commitment in terms of signing a lease and so on,

 

it is good to get out living with, sharing with your friends,good preparation for life,not be cutting yourself off from society by going home to a small apartment,(I am factoring in your previous experience of social anxiety too which means it is more important that you do not get into solitary ways now)

 

I would advise certainly do not back out now , go ahead make the move into this new apartment and give it a trial period anyway.

 

 

What's so wrong with enjoying time alone? I wouldn't live with anyone under any circumstance. Being alone is million times better than going through angst and drama of being around someone whose company you no longer enjoy.

 

 

 

Posts like this reflect everything that's wrong with out society. People that are so desparate not be alone or being seen as "loners" that they will tolerate anything. "It's not good for you" is meaningless. Whatever makes you happier is by definition good for you.

[Foxhall]

I stand by my post Miss Sunshine!!

 

I guarantee you that OP will look back on this in ten years time and she will thank me or people with my viewpoint for their advice.

 

fair enough your interpretation is different, it is good though people have different opinions and a wide range of responses for the opener to consider,

Indeed I will at times criticize another post if I do not like it.

 

I can sense the OP has a people issue and I think it is better for her to address this now become more sociable than to continue shutting herself off which will not help her long term.

Edited June 4, 2019 by Foxhall