Is My Friend a Terrible Person?

[Youngestdaughter]

First of all, I have to give her credit for being very generous and going out of her way to give me rides (my car is dead or maybe just sleeping). But she would go crazy when my ex and I "ignored" her. Then when she fell in love and it was like I didn't exist...which I got. I've been in love. In fact, I through up in front of her and my first love in an elevator. Everytime we were around him(before we got together) she would bring it up. I begged her not to, but she just shook her head and said, "No, it's too funny." So, if it was funny enough, humiliating me was just collateral damage. She also repeatedly called another friend of mine ugly even though I made it clear it bothered me. Also, I think she's a little racist. It bothers her when foreigners speak in their native language to each other....why does she care. And she thinks she has a right to give her opinion on subjects that are none of her business like other people's relationships. If you're wondering why I hang out with her, she's hilarious and we've been friends since childhood...when she ripped the bonnet off a costume I borrowed from her because she didn't like the way I wore it. She also made fun of how old my car is and the cell phone my ex got me for my 30th. I don't know why. Perfectly good phone.

[Orokotikki]

Some people think they build themselves up by putting others down. It is best to remove those people from your life.

 

With clingy and demanding attention seeking ones it often (imho) must be a blowup rather than slow fade so it is clear and unambiguous to them, such that they would have to lose face to be seen with you again (up until that point they just pester and needle thinking that be ignored gives them more ammo to demand more in the future).

[mark clemson]

Sounds like you could do better...

[Veronica73]

She sounds obnoxious, but maybe not to the degree of being a terrible person.

[preraph]

About others speaking a different language around her, I think it's rude too. And boring to be around, frankly. I mean, how much more boring does it get than to be somewhere for an hour and a half getting your mani or pedi while two people are giggling merrily. You figure it's about your ugly feet, but it's also just boring. I also think the racism there is them not including you if you're right there.

 

You better just hope your friend does something embarrassing you can hold over her head soon. She just sounds blunt. If she doesn't do it at a time it really messes something up, it's not so bad. If she can keep a secret, it's not so bad. But if you can't even trust her to be a friend and listen like a confidente, it's not a good situation.

[Youngestdaughter]

As far as foreigners speaking their own language, I meant in a department store or restaurant or department store... totally separate and apart from us. And she knows it bothers me when she said Amy was ugly. Being fat with acne in junior high, I know what it's like to be called ugly, so I don't much like to hear it about anyone. But most or close to it, bothersome is I have to prove I can do everything to her. Like I said crocheting was easy. She asked if I could do it...stuff like that. And it is not me. She's genuinely irritated. It's like she has me in this box I've been in since 3rd grade and gets angry when I try to get out. Also, it may sound silly, but I think taking the bonnet because I wanted to wear it down my back instead of on my head is tremendously controlling, especially for a child. Maybe it's just me. As long as someone is not hurting themselves, my loved ones or me, I don't care. She's probably not a terrible person: just controlling and insensitive. I have another female friend who is also controlling. You know those women who attract abusive men or those who won't work? I attract controlling female friends. That's why most of my friends are male. I also think it's rude to make fun of people's possessions and certainly their friends. Maybe I should be trying to find out what it is about me that attracts these friends. I was much closer to my father than my mother...as my shrink pointed out.

[The Outlaw]

She has very little if any respect. If she says and does things to you or around you that you don't like, she's just pushing your buttons to illicit a response. She isn't just controlling, she's manipulative. And in the long run, people like this aren't good for any of us.