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Jerkll and Hyde friend


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Old 13th April 2019, 7:12 AM   #1
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Jerkll and Hyde friend

Hi this is my first post and I just need some clarity and support.
I have a female friend of many years. She no longer lives in my area. In fact one of the problems is that most of my friends have moved to different states now.
I have a lot of responsibilities on my plate and don’t have a lot of support.
To met some new friends and to develop new interests I have taken some classes. All had been going very well until recently when a staff member hit on me. I was really shocked as it was really full on and this has never happened to me before in these circumstances. I actually sat at the wrong platform waiting for my train for 40 mins before I realised it was the wrong platform I was so shocked!
Anyway I told my friend what had happened. She jus drilled me and ask me what pattern in me would have caused this to happen! In this she actually made me first 100 times worse.
Unfortunately, problems with her do go back some years.Fo r time to time I have been on the verge of telling her I don’t want to see her any more. She is very Jerkll and Hyde. She is lovely when sober but can be an utter bitch when she drinks. And now she drinks every night. I have circumvented the problem for as much as possible by avoiding to speak to her in the evenings when her drinking is at its worst. But now I think she is drinking in the late afternoon.
This latest round of nastiest from her......(which hasn’t happened to be honest in quite a while....maybe six months) started about four weeks ago. She was asking me about a situation and I told her that it was complex and I didn’t want to talk about it on the phone and maybe I would tell her another time. She keep hammering me about it and I kept to my guns and said it was highly personal, and I just didn’t want to discuss it at this point in time. She told me that I must be demonically possessed! I was so shocked by this. I avoided her for some time after that. But recently she was in my area and we went out. All was good at first but the more she drank the more she got nasty. I am taking about really demeaning comments. I tried to brush it off. But now have been thinking about this all week. I really don’t think I can continue to go on with this friendship.
We have shared many ideas etc together for many years but this nastiness in her is just tipping the balance with making the friendship toxic.
It going to leave a big hole in my life but it has reached a point of no return.
So this leaves me with a few issues. Do I tell her how I feel or just walk away and say nothing? I do just feel like walking away as I just can’t do another round of conflict with her or her convincing me that she will change. I now consider her a hard core alcoholic so her promises are worthless.
If anyone has been in a similar situation I would greatly appreciate some advice on to how best to proceed.
Thank you for listening
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Old 13th April 2019, 10:47 AM   #2
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Distance yourself from her and stop contacting her. This is a friendship that isn't worth saving. She's toxic and damaging to you.
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Old 14th April 2019, 8:10 PM   #3
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As much as it will hurt, it's time to cut her off indefinitely. It's best to find and meet new people that will stand by you and support you, and no devalue you.
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Old 14th April 2019, 8:41 PM   #4
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Just stand your ground. Her alcoholism will likely just take up more and more of her life. Of course, telling secrets to a drunk is never a good thing. So don't give her enough info to even ask for more. Just be vague and don't always be available. Don't give specifics WHY you're not available. Just don't answer or if caught, just "Sorry, I was headed out the door. Catch you later. Click."
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