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Getting close friend away from bad influences....


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Old 8th April 2019, 3:31 AM   #1
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Getting close friend away from bad influences....

I have a close friend that I care about more then anything. She grew up in an unstable environment. She’s a very good hearted person. Unfortunately she has 2 friends that drag her down and I just found out she’s doing cocan with one of them. I know if I can pull her away from them she could quickly change and be a much better person. I’ve spent time with her alone and she is so good and caring and doesn’t do bad things. But as soon as she starts hanging out with these people she changes into a bad person and does this stuff that isn’t right. I don’t know how I can get her to stop being with these people. I know if I approach her about them she will get super pissed Off and stop talking to me. And then only hang with them because they’re really her only friends besides me. So that would defeat the purpose of trying to help. So how I go about getting her away from them without making her mad?
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Old 8th April 2019, 11:48 AM   #2
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You don't. You recognize that she is free to make bad choices & you can't force her to change. You protect yourself by distancing yourself from her.

Go to a couple of Al-Anon meetings to understand what you are dealing with. Al Anon is a support group for people who care about people who have substance abuse problems.

You can try reading a poem called the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner to understand why she is an albatross around your neck.
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Old 8th April 2019, 3:44 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Sammy991 View Post
I have a close friend that I care about more then anything. She grew up in an unstable environment. She’s a very good hearted person. Unfortunately she has 2 friends that drag her down and I just found out she’s doing cocan with one of them. I know if I can pull her away from them she could quickly change and be a much better person. I’ve spent time with her alone and she is so good and caring and doesn’t do bad things. But as soon as she starts hanging out with these people she changes into a bad person and does this stuff that isn’t right. I don’t know how I can get her to stop being with these people. I know if I approach her about them she will get super pissed Off and stop talking to me. And then only hang with them because they’re really her only friends besides me. So that would defeat the purpose of trying to help. So how I go about getting her away from them without making her mad?
Unfortunately, your chances of getting your close friend away from these influence is about zero to none, especially when there's drugs involved.

I had a friend (now ex-friend) who had an addiction of some sort. It was an unhealthy and chaotic. To make a long story short, she pushed me away.

She may be a sweet kind and caring person around you, but drugs alters you down to your DNA. Even if she were to leave her friends, she is very likely going to need her fix.

One thing to think about is how long she's known them. If she has known them longer than you and been friends with them longer than you, then you're definitely outgunned. Even if she has known you longer, they are the ones that have her because she gets high with them.

The only hope for her is professional help (in getting off drugs and rehabilitation).

Meanwhile, you have to look after you. If you try to save her, what's more likely to happen is that you're going to get dragged down with her instead of you pulling her out.

As sad and tough as this sounds, believe me, I've been there, you're eventually going to have to walk away without her.
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Old 16th April 2019, 4:44 PM   #4
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It's her life and her mistakes. You can't separate someone from their friends. That's not up to you. Also, don't be naive and think that all drug use is addictive. Some people are addicts, and some aren't. A lot has to do with heredity and whether they are using drugs to mask emotional pain from some serious trauma in childhood (you did say she came from an unstable environment) . If she's only doing it around these people, she's probably not even an addict. If it does become an addictive habit she does all the time, then frankly, that's above your pay grade. Also, it's HER choice to do drugs, not her friend's fault. This is like in the 60s when parents were fond of blaming other people for what their own kid was doing as if their own kid doesn't have a functioning brain or original thought of their own.
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Old 16th April 2019, 4:48 PM   #5
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make your own mistakes and let her make her mistakes. it's part of life
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Old 18th April 2019, 3:34 PM   #6
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It's her life and her mistakes. You can't separate someone from their friends. That's not up to you. Also, don't be naive and think that all drug use is addictive. Some people are addicts, and some aren't. A lot has to do with heredity and whether they are using drugs to mask emotional pain from some serious trauma in childhood (you did say she came from an unstable environment) . If she's only doing it around these people, she's probably not even an addict. If it does become an addictive habit she does all the time, then frankly, that's above your pay grade. Also, it's HER choice to do drugs, not her friend's fault. This is like in the 60s when parents were fond of blaming other people for what their own kid was doing as if their own kid doesn't have a functioning brain or original thought of their own.
Yeah, each person has their own journey and is responsible for their own lives in the end.
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Old Yesterday, 2:41 AM   #7
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Even if your ability to pull your friend away from this is limited, I feel it is still important that you are there for her,


you are at least there as a balancing influence against the forces leading her on a destructive path,


so remain on her side anyway.
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