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How can I get great friends?

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Old 28th March 2019, 3:50 PM   #1
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Question How can I get great friends?

I have recently feeling that I donít really have a strong group of friends. Sometimes I find myself alone wanting to share things with other people and I canít.

I do have friends. But I am not sure we relate to each other enough to become best friends. And thatís what I am looking for. Someone I can care for, talk to and have fun with genuinely and innocently.

I have had deep and meaningful friendships in the past but we grew apart over the years which is okay, but I would like to get someone like that again.
It seems that I canít get deep and close enough with anyone anymore. I frequently feel taken advantage of in a group of friends. I donít know if it is my fault or not. Men I just want to be friends with end up falling for me and girls end up getting to only a surface level with me.

My question is how can i attract people who match me and how to approach a friendship relationship in order to be long lasting and not just surface level?

Thanks in advance.
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Old 29th March 2019, 10:20 AM   #2
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I think it's just harder to make new truly deep friendships as we get older because we are more guarded (even if we are trying to be open) and maybe even a little cynical.

I love the new friendships I've developed over recent years and hope/plan to continue making new friends for the rest of my life, but they aren't the same as those made years ago when I was younger and didn't have the normal life "battle scars" that happen along the way. I don't trust as easily as I used to.

Keep working on your current friendships and be open to new ones and see where they go. You probably don't need to change your approach or "vibration", just temper your expectations.
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Old 29th March 2019, 10:38 AM   #3
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Can you reconnect with that friend you were really close to or did it end on bad terms?
a little messed up but weíre all alright
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Old 31st March 2019, 9:22 AM   #4
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Yes I understand where you are coming from,

I think perhaps finding someone with mutual interests is a starting point and if you find that person with whom you have a lot in common and perhaps even one strong shared interest,

I think that is the foundation and perhaps then over time a good friendship can grow,

As a guy I find meeting new male friends is difficult at my age of 38,certainly much harder than it was in my 20s,
perhaps this is just a state of mind though or negative thoughts and I am sure it should be perfectly possibly to find new friends now.

I have joined a couple of sports clubs recently and find as a single guy it is hard to develop friendships as many of the members are married and have full life's as it were and are not looking for new friends. and 10-15 years ago, it was much easier to meet social friends as the majority of them were free and single I suppose back then.

I am also trying my luck in the dating scene again and any new friends I make tend to be from this, women who are not interested romantically but who are happy to be friends

so I would say finding people with similar interests is the starting point,

however I would like to hear other thoughts on this topic,

why is it harder to meet new friends as we get older or is that just a state of mind.
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Old 6th April 2019, 4:01 PM   #5
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It's true the older we get, the harder it is is to make friends. We move, have kids and just generally drift apart from the friends we had when we were young. Or maybe one of you is more successful than the others
To meet people, joining clubs and organizations that interest you is an option. I've reconnected with a lot of old friends on Facebook.
Coincidentally, I just happen to be writing a piece on the red flags of a bad friend. I hope this helps.
1. A person who laughs too much or loud at your mistakes when you put yourself down will never be in your corner
2. Someone who crosses boundaries or gives you advice on matters none of his or her business is controlling.
3. A friend who talks about her other friends will talk about you.
4. This sounds cold. But a friend who has a lot of drama in her life and calls too often will drain you.
5. Look for the vowel I. Too many of them is a self absorbed person. If you tell him or her a story about yourself and her automatic reply is a story about herself, she's not interested in you and never will be
6. The opposite is a warning as well. If you find your always answering questions and find out nothing about her, it might make you feel like the most interesting person in the world. But, if she's not sharing anything about herself, there's a reason.
Lastly, don't look to people for happiness. Seek your own bliss. The right kind of people will come into your life. Good luck. You seem like a nice person and you deserve good friends
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Old 7th April 2019, 6:44 AM   #6
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Zig Ziglar, the motivational speaker, once said ďIf you go looking for a friend, youíre going to find theyíre very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, youíll find them everywhereĒ.

Personally, I think itís easier to find one friend and branch out from there. Itís no different than networking in the business world.

If, historically, you found yourself taken advantage of in groups of friends or didnít find the level of connection you were looking for, you might be better off with one or two very close and good friends. Quality over quantity.

Itís possible that there was a group dynamic that you werenít privy to that left you vulnerable.
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Old 7th April 2019, 7:58 AM   #7
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Excellent quote there Logo
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Old 7th April 2019, 8:48 AM   #8
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Good advice, Logo.

I don't know if OP is going to come back to this thread, but another method is to "ask a girl out." One of my current BFFs is a woman I've only known for a couple of years, although it feels longer than that. She "asked me out" after we became acquainted when I hired her as my dog sitter and became Facebook friends. I barely knew her, but she had decided to get divorced, thought I "looked like a nice person" based on Facebook, so she reached out and asked me out to dinner for the purpose of having a listening ear. Since I'm a nice person lol, I said yes. Our friendship has not been one-sided despite the initial purpose of her venting to me and getting my advice.

Same thing happened a few months ago as well (another woman going through a divorce). We met for breakfast, and it was fine and all, but she and I don't have that "kind" of connection so we won't become BFFs or anything. And I've known her a heck of a lot longer since our 18 year old daughters have been in school together since K.

But, put yourself out there if there's someone you want to get to know. We are all in the same boat!
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