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Girl wonít let me come to her kids party


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Old 17th February 2019, 7:44 PM   #1
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Girl wonít let me come to her kids party

Iíve been casually seeing this girl for about a year. We are just friends now as sheís not ready for a relationship yet since sheís finishing school and got out of a 15 year bad relationship. Iím fine being best friends with her. We go out nearly everyday and often spend up to 14-18 hours together just hanging out. She has 2 kids and they had a joint birthday party yesterday. When she planned the party she said I could come. Then she changed her mind and said it would be awkward for me sine the kids dad would be there and other family and friends I havenít met. Me and her mainly hang out alone so Iíve only met 2 of her friends a couple times. And I know her mom because she lives with her. (She has mostly guy friends) Well she also said her mom said she didnít want me there. Iím not sure if thatís true but I could believe it because her does talk bad people behind their backs.

But regardless I was kinda upset I wasnít allowed to go. Is that bogus of her ? Or am I just overthinking things ?
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Old 17th February 2019, 8:09 PM   #2
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It sounds legit. Her relationship with you is basically a secret and you are aware that it is basically a secret. She is not ready to "introduce" you to all of her family and friends at her kids party and you being there would be an at that venue would be an awkward tine to introduce you . The party is for the kids, I don't think it's that big of a deal.


I think your status with her is a problem if you don't want to be a secret anymore, but if you understand and are ok with not being "official" and being on the down-low, it's not a big deal. For me, at some point I would need her to include me more in her life but until I had that talk or until I wanted more than being a secret, I would not have a problem if she didn't invite me to her family events.
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Old 17th February 2019, 8:14 PM   #3
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I think it would be more problematic if she didn't invite you to her own birthday party.
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Old 17th February 2019, 8:18 PM   #4
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You are too involved.
She saw you casually and now you are demoted to "friend".
You are an orbiter and there is nothing for you here, so unless you want to stick around until she starts dating some other guy in earnest, then it would be best for your own sake if you started looking elsewhere now.
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Old 17th February 2019, 8:57 PM   #5
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If her position had been consistent -- always keeping you at arm's length, I'd say that she sees you as a friend & didn't want to give people the wrong impression. That is still probably her view but she was rude about it -- inviting you, then un-inviting you.

I'd put some serious distance in here because she is not a good friend. You can forget a romance because that is never going to happen but she's not even being kind.
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Old 17th February 2019, 8:58 PM   #6
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She isn't ever going to be more than friends with you. No one puts that off for a year, I'm sorry. That was her letting you down gently. She isn't attracted to you that way anymore if she ever was.

You don't need to go to a kid party! It's for kids and family. She doesn't want to explain you or get any questions and people wagging their tongues because she knows she's not ever going to have that type relationship with you. She doesn't want some aunt going, "What about that nice boy who was at the party"every time she sees her.

Just realize it's not going to happen and stop expecting to get more involved.
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Old 17th February 2019, 9:04 PM   #7
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This is about keeping the peace, and having a day with family. If you are any kind of friend you will respect her wishes, and not question it.
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Old 17th February 2019, 9:14 PM   #8
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Casual, forget the whole thing. You're only casually seeing each other.

If serious, and if I was a man and I really wanted to go to a kid's party I might crash the party dressed in clown suit and have a good time.
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Old 17th February 2019, 9:24 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gretchen12 View Post
Casual, forget the whole thing. You're only casually seeing each other.

If serious, and if I was a man and I really wanted to go to a kid's party I might crash the party dressed in clown suit and have a good time.
like John Wayne Gacy?
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Old 17th February 2019, 9:33 PM   #10
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She is trying to keep this as casual as possible so if you went to her kids' party that means that you are her "date" to the party. Are you okay with this? She has said to you that she doesn't want a relationship, so I think you should keep your options open.
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Old 17th February 2019, 10:11 PM   #11
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You shouldn't introduce kids until you are certain of the realtionship. That's probably where you are.
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Old 17th February 2019, 10:44 PM   #12
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I should also clarify that I do see her kids every day when weíre together and her kids like me. Iím thinking maybe her mom really did say something to her about me. Her mom is supposed to move out of state soon. So then sheíll be living alone with the kids. So Iíll wait until then to make any decisions. Iím guessing the truth will come out soon then.

And I donít mind how our relationship is going right now, I wasnít really looking to date anyone as Iím divorced and her companship is good for now. Itís not like Iím wasting my time and not going out with other girls now because of her. If she wasnít around Iíd just be sitting at home as Iím not interested in looking for anyone my self.
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Old 18th February 2019, 7:07 PM   #13
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Then there's no reason for you to be invited to family stuff.
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