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Don't know where I stand with Childhood Best Friend

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Old 11th February 2019, 8:11 AM   #1
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Question Don't know where I stand with Childhood Best Friend


I am absolutely awful at gauging my relationships with other people, and am anxious to reach out from fear of being rejected by some of my favourite people. And so I have this friend in my life, probably one of my favourite people in my life.

We have known each other since pretty much birth, and were absolutely inseparable during preschool and primary school. We grew up together and were each others only real friends. Then high school rolled around, and as he went off to a private school, I went to a selective one. We still somehow managed to keep a pretty solid connection until at least year 11, messaging regularly and meeting every fortnight or so. But somehow, as if in an instant, we just kinda stopped talking, with no bad blood or drama.

But then after about 9 months of practically no contact since our last meetup, he messaged with the whole "its been so long! we should go out". And we went out and had the most fun I have had in a long time. We instantly connected with our old spark, and somehow it had felt like no time passed, and we kept asking each other why we don't ever see each other anymore, and we expressed intentions to resume a consistent friendship. We were both exactly the same as we had been in the early years of high school, and he knew about events that had happened in my life. I know that the feeling was mutual as we both talked about it the next day. And then it stopped again, for about 10 months and here we are today. We exchanged birthday messages but that's about it.

I am currently extremely in my head about what his true opinions of me are. Is he still a true friend to me and does he enjoy my company? Because I sure as hell do. I am currently really desperate to reach out as he was technically the last one to do so, but there is a fear in the back of my head that my favourite person will tell me he just doesn't feel the same anymore. It's kind of a crushing anxiety and is trickling into my ability to make new friends at uni. We are both 19 and studying at uni 3 days a week, but I know he sometimes has time to hang out with friends as per social media. I tend to overthink everything. Always. But this person is so important to me that I don't want to damage anything. You can't be rejected by someone if you never reach out, right?

Thank you all x
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Old 11th February 2019, 8:18 PM   #2
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What can be happening here is that you are so into 'you', that you are actually forgetting about him.

He could be going through a period of depression, or questioning his own life plan, or self-worth, or whatever; or dealing with the serious illness or death
or emotional loss or distancing of some other important person in his life (another friend, or family member, or whatever).

He might be needing someone to reach out to him, to ask how HE is doing, how HE is feeling about life, what HE needs or would like, to help HIM get to the next step of where HE wants to go.

Where does HE want to go in life? Do you know because you've actually asked, and he's told you, and you've actually listened to him?
"Good or benign intentions do not provide a defence." ~ Tony Wong, Reporter
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Old 11th February 2019, 11:55 PM   #3
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We instantly connected with our old spark, and somehow it had felt like no time passed,
This is true friendship, long lasting friendship. Don't doubt it! You've known each other all your lives!

Make more effort to get together more often.

Please, don't stress about this!
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Old 13th February 2019, 8:21 AM   #4
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well yes, as the above two people advise make an effort to reach out yourself and try to initiate contact.

reading your post though what immediately springs to my mind, is my own previous failings of becoming overly dependent on the one friend.

Your at Uni, this is a great time to broaden your horizons and get out there and meet new people.

Make an effort to do this, push yourself out of your comfort zone, it will benefit you in the long run.

do not go down the road of being happy with one or two friends, trust me it will not end well,

get to know as many people as possible, take up new hobbies.
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Old 13th February 2019, 8:39 AM   #5
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You’re both living very busy lives. It doesn’t mean you’re not friends though. Lifetime friends are for life!
a little messed up but we’re all alright
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Old 13th February 2019, 1:51 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by amaysngrace View Post
Lifetime friends are for life!
That is true...but still means that each person has to put in similar levels of time, interest, Energy, etc.
If we become dependent on the other, without nurturing the relationship ourself, then there is a high risk of losing that friendship.
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Old 15th February 2019, 5:27 PM   #7
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Friendships change over a lifetime. I have a friend I have known since 6th grade, and we've always been in touch on some level. Just take things as they go.
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