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My friend's weird phone habits

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Old 8th January 2019, 4:04 PM   #1
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My friend's weird phone habits

I have a very old friend who has helped me through several personal crises and so we talk often and I know his family but he will not answer his cell. He knows I am calling and chooses to call me back days later or a week later. Then he makes excuses (BS) why he did not call sooner. He's busy always, did not get the message, ill, broke phone... I know he is not really busy because he works part-time or is off work and is mostly home. So he calls only when it is convenient for him. Recently he waited a month to call. Then he got angry because I waited 3 days to call him back. Nice guy but not very sincere about many issues. I hate being lied to. Honesty is very important to me in all relationships. I should add that I have only 2-3 friends or people I can talk to. So it matters.
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Old 16th February 2019, 3:57 PM   #2
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Maybe your friend is depressed and expects you to understand his behavior.
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Old 16th February 2019, 5:02 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by LuckyM View Post
I have a very old friend
Is this how he's always handled calls, or a relatively new behaviour?

Depending on how he's aging, possibly there are periods when he feels more 'in control' of his mental faculties, and so chooses to try to keep conversations to those times when he feels more lucid.

Conversely, when his faculties are a little 'off', might be when he's getting upset/feeling frustrated (about his own faltering/failing faculties), enough to then express that through angrily lashing out.

Not sure if you'll be successful in trying to have a calm, compassionate, open and honest, non-confrontational conversation with him about it;
he might feel embarrassed or ashamed, and try to cover it up with what you call 'BS' and perceive as being lied to. Depends how one looks at it?
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Old 16th February 2019, 5:04 PM   #4
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For a long time, I was the only one not using a smart phone, and I noticed as soon as everyone got them, they stopped taking "realtime" calls and doing what your friend is doing. I think it's a bad habit to get into, but I understand there are times you'd want to do it. Some of them also stopped looking at e-mail, which is still the most reliable way to reach me in a hurry.

Reasons differ, I'm sure. Like one friend will nearly always take a long time to write or text me back, but I think it's because he waits until he's by himself and certainly not while he's in the middle of working. Depending on what is being said, I think it takes him a while to decide what to write back . He tends to be attentive to following up about stuff and commenting on it, so maybe it takes him some time to come up with all that.

My best friend, it just depends. At first, when I didn't use a cellphone, she was really bad about answering. I think she only wanted to text. Once I got a cellphone, sometimes she's answers, depending on what's going on. She works and has kids. Obviously, she can't reply while at her work and she can't think straight when the kids are needing attention, so it just depends. On the other hand, she stayed in regular touch during a recent crisis of hers, even though she was busier than ever and overwhelmed. She made time to catch people up on the situation.

My texts can be as long as an email, so I'll do either one, but it's still going to be long like an email and not just short chitchat. I prefer emails because it's right there for them whenever they're ready and everything I wanted to say is included.

The lying is a problem. It suggests this isn't an equal friendship. Could he ever be hiding that he's talking to someone, though?
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Old 19th February 2019, 5:19 PM   #5
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He has always done this and will not change. He waits until he has an hour or more to talk...he will never talk for a short while about anything...he loves talking..he's a happy sort of person. I also think that anything he does, even watching TV is "busy" time.

Actually, we talk much more often than years ago, but very rarely get together.
I always think twice and put off calling for this reason.
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