Tabby_Cat Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 There’s a girl (let’s call her Emma) who my best friends have known since childhood, we used to all hang out together in high school but I remember she always said insensitive things, usually by belittling people’s intelligence. I was never close with her. Fast forward… myself and my 2 best friends went to university, we lost contact with Emma (partially on purpose). We graduated, all moved back to our hometown and Emma immediately latched back onto us and now considers me one of her best friends basically because I’m always around my two other friends who cannot seem to let her go even though they get so annoyed by her. I find her embarrassing in public. She’s a very loud talker, will yell things in restaurants that are inappropriate or swear in front of children. She’ll jump and down while waiting in line for something she’s excited for (she’s 26 years old) and the worst part is if you tell her to calm down and politely shush her she’ll shush aggressively back in your face or just get pissed at you. She also loves to embarrass people on purpose. Recently we were out at a bar and I saw a guy I was chatting with online but we hadn’t met face to face yet so I was trying to play it cool. When I mentioned it she proceeded to scream his name out. I told her to stop but she continued to do it and even did it AGAIN later with a smug look on her face. I actually couldn’t bring myself to meet him face to face that night because I was afraid of her embarrassing me in front of him. Not to be shallow, but she also has an embarrassing appearance, she doesn’t take care of herself, the night we went out to the bar she told us she hadn’t washed her hair in weeks, she always has body odour. I’ve discussed this with my two best friends and they say they feel bad dropping her because she has no other friends and thinks she may have autism. She invited me to her birthday this weekend and I cringe about going but all my other friends will be there. I feel like a crazy person in that a lot of our other friends don’t seem to take issue with her behaviour (some have in the past who now avoid our friend group because of her), even though she’s always poking fun at other people’s intelligence and takes pleasure in humiliating us. Am I a bad person if I make a point of never seeing her again? Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 It would appear that 'Emma' either has exhibitionist tendencies or some kind of a personality disorder ( I wouldn't like to speculate which one as I am not formally trained in psychology) She has the right to behave as she likes (as long as she isn't doing anything illegal) but you don't have to put up with her behaviour if it is a problem to you. If you don't enjoy her company and she doesn't make you feel good when you are around her maybe it's time to cut her loose? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 Tell your friends to stop inviting you if she's going to be there, and then block and drop that girl. She's purposely trying to embarrass you. That shhh-ing back at you is really rude. I'd walk off and leave her to walk home if she did it to me. Block her on social media so she can't cause much trouble contacting people or interests she may see there and follow everyone you follow. Block her phone number and email. Tell your friends you've had enough and not to invite you if she's going to be there. You can't tel them not to invite her, but you can sure tell them not to invite you. Ask them kindly not to pass along any personal info about who you're interested in to her either and tell them why. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 Don’t go around her if you don’t enjoy her company. It’s really as simple as that. I wouldn’t go to her party either if I were you because then you’d be being really two-faced. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 Sounds to me like you have two choices: Either drop her or talk with her about how you are feeling and why. The direction you go with her really depends on whether or not you can be bothered anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
maxamber Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Assuming that you like the person enough to continue to be friends with them, it may be wise to limit your exposure to them. You can certainly tell your friend about their embarrassing behavior but in a soft way. I know it's not easy to deal with such a situation. Link to post Share on other sites
maxamber Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 I am afraid of getting married now, I don't want my love to end because of marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
maxi105 Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 hi t/c...I wonder whether your friend has some kind of other things going on that either need medical attention or treatment or have at some time had medical attention? ie the going out but not washing hair for a long time or poor hygiene. is it maybe the clothes that are the problem rather than her not bothering to wash? maybe there is a medical thing there too. I cant think many people would deliberately go to a bar or whatever and not bother washing or wanting to look ok. is this a regular thing or is this one time that she went to the bar? body odour is not always about people who don't wash, there can be other things going on from simple stuff to man made fabric getting overheated or peoples biological (and not being able to control well) problems, and so people may be unfairly getting a hard time over things that are nothing to do with being dirty, not washing and then get labelled by everyone around in a bad way etc...and unless you make an effort to listen and talk to her before you dismiss her you may not be giving someone a chance to sort things out or get help that they might need, professionally or publically. I think the best thing you can do is talk to her kindly but honestly about all of the things that you are unhappy with and take on what she says, there may be more going on than you know about that is difficult. I don't see the point of asking why the friends still are interested in being around her anymore as they are uncomfortable or wont address this, but if it was me I would invite this girl out and say you want to talk to her and have a coffee and chat, or if you are worried she might cause drama go for a walk with her in a city park and just let things take their course. I think you NEED to deal with this and say to her im finding it difficult, but also let her know if things don't change after you've heard her situation or medical situation if there is one, then tell her if she isn't going to get help, or discuss seeking professional advice or new medication from a health pro then you don't want to hang around her because you are sick of her behaviour. if she then cant or wont start to make changes (or takes offence after reflecting about what you've said over a week or so) or nothing changes after a a few weeks or the next trip out with friends, then maybe its time to give distance, but at least you will have given her a chance to talk about possible problems or say why things are like they are, or maybe think for herself about how she is, maybe she doesn't really realise just how she makes people feel with her way of reacting. has she always been rude amongst people or is this new, ask the friends if they know her better than you? you will feel better for trying, but there may be more to this than just someone behaving in this way. she needs to know that unless she wants and is willing to try to change how she is around people and always being rude then you wont have anything to do with her. but just cutting someone off without talking to them is rarely the answer unless things get too abusive dangerous or nasty etc... it sounds maybe that she has low self esteem at the very least, but it might be a lot more complicated than that.so unless you know what the real situation is then you wont be able to really decide if you are able to be around her still as a casual friend. you also have to ask If she is a good person in what she does apart from the dramas, and if she does need medication give her time and see if she has become an easier calmer person to be around and if so talk again to her and find out how she is getting on, it could make all of the difference for you both. but you need to talk to her. letting this carry on is not helping her if she does have some kind of health issue, so why not give her a chance to talk. her being 26 is not really anything to do with still being embarrassing or immature, different people can be mature totally much younger than expected and its fine, others can be wildly eccentric at 35 and that's fun and fine too it just depends on the people themselves and the people they are around and know and care about etc...if you want to take the maturer line then you need to deal with this and not ignore her or this situation any longer (deliberately or on purpose!). this has carried on only because it wasn't dealt with by you or your real friends properly the first time, and then a second time, when she came back to find you all after uni.... so come on, sort this out. you might find out she is more vunerable than you realised. but whatever the situation is you need to tackle this for your own good health too and for hers!!!!. ok, good luck with this one. maxi ps, if you do talk to her, do it well before the birthday!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
quangdan234 Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 Love never fails, and when it fails in life, then it has not been love! Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Stt thất tình, những câu nói hay về tình bạn Link to post Share on other sites
maxi105 Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 well, tabby cat. its been a while since your post, so I am just wondering: did you drop your friend or not? maxi. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 (edited) I find in general , people are far too quick to take the approach of "drop the friend". It is like people want a sense of their own power and importance by isolating other people, believing they are better than them and that it is ok to just cast aside a friend because they no longer require them. How will Emma react to this, it is important to think of Emma's potential isolation and loneliness if you drop her. My feeling would be that you should take time to chat to Emma and bring your grievances out in the open. Point out there are certain things she is doing that are annoying and unacceptable, but stress that you are there to help her and do all you can for her. This would be my first approach anyway, this notion of just casting a friend aside, I strongly disagree with it and am surprised at how many people feel it is ok to take that stance. Edited February 1, 2019 by Foxhall Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Foxall, I disagree. Unless someone is 5 years old we should not have to tell them how to behave. The OP has already asked this person not to do something and they have just gone and done it all the more with a smug smile on their face. So she has enough nouse to know that she's doing wrong and causing embarassment but continues to do it. At best it's disrespectful and at worse it's malicious Time to walk away, methinks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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