How to handle group of friends talking politics on opposite side?

[max3732]

This happened again today. I was with a group of friends and then on person brought up a controversial political commentator saying how wonderful he is. Then the other people in the group all start chiming in agreeing and saying how dumb anyone is who doesn't agree with him.

 

As someone who doesn't agree with him (or them) but who has strong political opinions is it best to just remain quiet? I follow the news and am currently reading a political book from a controversial commentator on my side of the aisle so I'm well informed to debate them, but I'm after friendship not a political debate.

 

I'd never mention to them that I'm reading this book or start talking about all the points in it about the dumb ideas and people from their side of the aisle. Yet it feels frustrating to just sit there while they bad mouth people who think differently from them.

 

The other thing I was thinking is to try and steer the conversation back to something more friendly. What else can I do?

[Garcon1986]

Just go with the flow of the conversation and have your own moral compass, that's the approach I take.

 

Two examples in my own life:

I am vehemently against trying a gay relationship. However, I am civil around gay people, and will be pleasant and amicable. They never try to enforce their views on me, so both sides are happy at the end of the day. I would express my direct displeasure if a gay person came on to me. I don't try to convert anybody to my belief system and in return I am rewarded by new friends.

 

 

I am anti my friends getting killed by criminals with guns. However, I try to make pleasant conversation with gun owners and people who want to ban guns, and have friends on both sides. I fit in quite well in Mississippi and have been to a gun range to practice. I don't try to convert anybody to my belief system and in return I am rewarded by new friends.

[preraph]

If you are really well informed on a subject and respond with specific details or information, some people who may just follow their emotions on a subject might be less likely to run off at the mouth about it because they can't stand up to a challenge.

 

My best friend is a very empathetic person with high tolerance levels in general and we disagree on some things. I tell her fact-based stuff and she will listen, but in the end, I imagine she follows her heart. In times like we are in now, I have to just decide which issue is the priority and vote the issue, not the person or I'd go crazy. There was a very popular candidate this year who ticks a lot of boxes for me, but not the most important one, so I voted against him. I just told people I liked some things about him and agreed with him on some things, but can't support him because this issue for me is the biggest issue this year.

 

If you can agree with any element of what they are talking about, it's good to let them know that, so they respect your opinion an iota more. It's such a pity that the parties have been this polarized for so long and that there is no one front and center who can be bipartisan and go against party lines when it comes to important issues, such as McCain did on the healthcare issue. We need much more of that, people who aren't just going by a rote agenda to try to empower their party but are voting for each issue in a logical way.

 

People are overly influenced by the propaganda on both sides and that's mainly what most people even hear and many just don't dig any deeper. I see no reason to worry about opinions of those people because it's a waste of breath.

 

I wish people would listen to different media and realize how biased so much of it is and go seek out the facts, fill in the holes, weed out the garbage.

 

Instead of taking on your friends, take on the media to let them know they're not just playing to their preferred demographic. It is more effective to write the network or producers (money people) than some biased pundit. I regularly tweet and tell people their panel is biased or live in ivory towers and should get back in their lane and be entertaining.

[d0nnivain]

Some people thrive on healthy debate. There was a time when politics wasn't so polarizing.

 

I have friends & relatives on all sides of the political spectrum. I can debate civilly with most of them.

 

If you want to engage do so but understand few people have lost the art of disagreeing without becoming disagreeable.

 

If you are unsure whether these friends would welcome a contradictory opinion, changing the subject is probably your best bet.

[salparadise]

In the current political climate, political discussion is so divisive that that I'd avoid it in social situations. Redirecting is probably a good idea. It lets people know that you aren't interested in engaging on the topic. Otherwise, limit discussion to people who are objectivist enough to talk about facts and situations, but without emotions, agendas or proselytizing for one side or the other. The other option is a pretty good one too... walk away. If it's a large group, go off and join in another conversation. If it's a smaller group, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and hope they've moved on by the time you return.

 

The only thing that makes no sense at all is to try and debate as the lone dissenter, or when affiliations/discussion is emotional. It's rare that people in social settings would be able to engage in an objectivist manner.

Edited December 2, 2018 by salparadise

[elaine567]

If you are unsure whether these friends would welcome a contradictory opinion, changing the subject is probably your best bet.

 

 

OK but everyone hates the person who wants to change the subject in the middle of a good old political rant.

If your friends are dyed in the wool supporters they will soon suss you out as from "the other side" if you want to change the subject.

Unless you can count on others to back you up I would just keep quiet.

 

Of course if this political back slapping becomes a regular occurrence maybe time to find a new batch of friends more compatible with your own way of thinking.

[Ronni_W]

As someone who doesn't agree with him (or them) but who has strong political opinions is it best to just remain quiet? <snip> I'd never mention to them that I'm reading this book <snip>

If not sharing these aspects of yourself with your group of friends doesn't make you feel uncomfortable or out of integrity,

then trying to redirect the conversation would seem the most constructive thing to do.

 

On the other side, though, is that these people don't really know you and what you stand for...

[max3732]

OK but everyone hates the person who wants to change the subject in the middle of a good old political rant.

If your friends are dyed in the wool supporters they will soon suss you out as from "the other side" if you want to change the subject.

Unless you can count on others to back you up I would just keep quiet.

 

Of course if this political back slapping becomes a regular occurrence maybe time to find a new batch of friends more compatible with your own way of thinking.

 

I get what you're saying, but they haven't confronted me yet about not joining in on their political rants so I think staying quiet is somewhat safe, but very frustrating. Aside from when they get on these political rants they are all very nice people and I enjoy hanging out with them.

 

Years ago I was friends with people on both sides of the aisle and we would sometimes get into really interesting discussions and would also sometimes tease each other about this or that particularly egregious comments from "their side". Back then we mainly talked about issues and ideas. From observing these people everything is so personal and just attacking people that disagree with them, calling they are stupid and calling them all kinds of names.

 

Onetime someone on the same political side as the group said she thought there was a different reason behind why people voted a certain way or something like that and this one guy started screaming at her and everyone else just got quiet. I almost feel like I'm in a group of animals and if you don't have the right political markings you'll get shunned and attacked. At a dinner party one evening they were so personally insulting I faked a phone call and left. Based on the voting patterns where I live I'm definitely in the minority and it's very difficult for me to find friends of the same political ideology. I actually enjoy a good political debate on issues since I genuinely want to learn and understand where people are coming from, but wouldn't with 1 vs. 5 and with so much anger it wouldn't be fun for me

 

So it sounds like my best bet is to continue remaining quiet, sneak off to another conversation if possible, or try to change the conversation depending on the context.

[loverboy69]

Politics has become tribal. If you label yourself as belonging to one political party then suddenly everything your party leaders claim becomes gospel and the other side is always wrong.

 

Politics has also become ideologic. If your party leaders are for or against any cause: (immigration, climate change, economy, women's rights etc.) then you likewise are going to agree blindly. That's why I remain independent.

 

A lot of my friends who are very conservative are always posting memes and comments online about: "stupid liberals do this..." or " the socialist/communist democrats with their gay liberal agenda..." are this.

 

I don't have an answer for you OP but I feel your pain. I've had to unfollow people close to me on social media for this very reason. Once I discover how vitriolic and nasty someone can be it makes me think twice about hanging out with them in person again.

 

Oh and never discuss politics with drunk people flailing around loaded weapons. I've been privy to some ugly experiences around these hot heads where 20 or more people who I thought were my friends turned out to not be such nice people.

Edited December 5, 2018 by loverboy69

[carhill]

Respect their opinion/belief, pretty much same as religion stuff. I tend to be a live and let live person but stay off my lawn

[PRW]

I usually tell them I voted for the one that they don't like, that I stand by it, and that I will vote for the same one again next time. And then I just stop there. They usually just change the subject after a bit.

 

In the case of a Commentator I do the same thing. I just say I like the one they don't like and then just leave it there.

 

If they are talking about a Commentator they like but I don't then I just ignore it as much as I can and then look for an opportunity to change the subject. If they ask me if I listen to said Commentator, I just say "No" and leave it there.

 

If it is religious in nature I have more formal training in that area and can outrun most of them, so I might debate that one a little bit.

 

In the end, I am just letting them know that the view at the table is not unanimous and then give them time to let common sense take over,...with common sense usually saying "Change the subject".

[Wallysbears]

This happened again today. I was with a group of friends and then on person brought up a controversial political commentator saying how wonderful he is. Then the other people in the group all start chiming in agreeing and saying how dumb anyone is who doesn't agree with him.

 

As someone who doesn't agree with him (or them) but who has strong political opinions is it best to just remain quiet? I follow the news and am currently reading a political book from a controversial commentator on my side of the aisle so I'm well informed to debate them, but I'm after friendship not a political debate.

 

I'd never mention to them that I'm reading this book or start talking about all the points in it about the dumb ideas and people from their side of the aisle. Yet it feels frustrating to just sit there while they bad mouth people who think differently from them.

 

The other thing I was thinking is to try and steer the conversation back to something more friendly. What else can I do?

 

 

If you are so completely opposite in beliefs though...would you ever have any sort of substantial friendship with these people?

 

 

Or are you just looking for buddies to hang out with?

[Artdeco]

I have no problem discussing politics. In a group of friends, stuff like that should be embraced. Having said that, my group of friends is very diverse, and politically active/interested, so it kind of comes naturally to most of us, and I believe putting a filter on would appear fake to most of them. I love them for who they are, and I have no problem letting them know that certain opinions of theirs are not mine (and vice versa). This has led to some heated, but healthy debates, and guess what - (most of) my friends are still my friends. All in all I believe that being open and honest and authentic is desirable and it’ll make friendships stronger/closer, provided that the exchange is respectful enough. I’ve certainly been on the receiving end of some yelling as well, but nothing bad enough that I’d question a friendship.