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Do you see friends as part of your personal life?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 5th March 2018, 8:37 PM   #16
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We don't own our friends but you have to be sensible and not invite unnecessary drama into your circle by inviting a few sharks in... I mean, why would you?

I don't tell my friends who to hang out with by any means, but I'm still not going to spread my business around to people who don't need to know it... tell them who my friends are, etc. etc. That's just stupid. You have to have your own personal boundaries, it's not about controlling anyone. And you need those boundaries especially if you're dealing with narcissists. I've dealt with them. I know what I'm talking about.

true that....i have boundaries........but often when i have sharks in my home and my dolphin/penguin friends come over.......my sharks actually like dolphins and penguins.....and take on their characteristics...its rather ...good to see.....my shark friends dont have rows of teeth ...i just tell them to behave ro they lose their teeth....and pretty much...they do behave...they know that i love my dolphin penguin friends ........or if they dont want to hang with dolphins....they leave..my boundaries are secure....and if i had to rely on there being no drama or no sharks in my waters.......i wouldn't ever have penguin friends or dolphin friends....and i dont think thats fair at all...because i love my friends and my life would really suck without them.....i would like to feel that if they didnt have me around.....they might miss me too....that i bring who i am to the table for them....and my table is awesome...


besides dolphins are known to kill sharks ....quite effectively...dolphins are not turtles...and penguins are fast little birds........


real life is full of deep water and sharks penguins dolphins and my personal favourite whales...i am a blue whale a fat one.... ..i have survived killer whales..and really deep water...and i dont do shallows...sharks come there anyway..you just have to learn how to swim...especially ....penguins and dolphins need to know people arent all the same....drama or no drama...friends are friends and true friends ...stay.........and ill be there my life guard self...we all have one life to live.....and i wont limit mine to an aquarium with floaties on thinking yeah how warm and soft is this water.........my true friends can swim as i would swim for them....even with drama in their lives/....ill be there if they need me............deb
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Last edited by todreaminblue; 5th March 2018 at 8:41 PM..
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Old 5th March 2018, 8:44 PM   #17
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I have no control over the evening, I know the narc will want the triumph, and will accuse me of being toxic in public, she may look silly doing so at a party, but am sensitive and sincerely done with her

say something, anything, to me, about how to handle her nosiness, and then her toxic accusation when I try to deflect
One way to handle a rude comment is to say nothing. Just let the rude comment hang in the air and reverberate for all to absorb! Lol! Sometimes people are rude and count on others to try to smooth things over so that an awkward situation doesn't escalate in front of everyone. But, if you meet a rude comment with silence and turn to someone else to join their convo or ask a question, rude lady doesn't get her way.

Another thing you can say is, "Why would you ask me that?" And let her scramble to explain why. If she gives out a dorky explanation just say, "Oh...I see," then turn and walk away or if you're at the table turn to someone else and begin talking or listening to what they're talking about.

You can also say something funny such as, "That's personal information I'm saving for my book but when it's published you'll have your answer!" And just look her straight in the eyes and smile with a twinkle in your eyes!
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Old 5th March 2018, 8:54 PM   #18
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I just want to learn how many people see - "the how long have you know other people" - questions as nosy ones,

Last edited by darkmoon; 5th March 2018 at 9:00 PM..
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Old 5th March 2018, 9:01 PM   #19
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I just want to learn how many people see - "the how long have you know other people" - questions as nosy ones,
That's not nosey to me. It's just something to say in conversation. I guess I would ask you why you think it's nosey and why is that something you wouldn't want people to know?
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Old 5th March 2018, 9:11 PM   #20
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That's not nosey to me. It's just something to say in conversation. I guess I would ask you why you think it's nosey and why is that something you wouldn't want people to know?
I am dealing with a narc who nearly stole a close friend, once bitten twice shy, no more info for her, just boundary-setting now
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Old 5th March 2018, 9:14 PM   #21
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am so mixed up, to make a stand in my fave friend's flat, is going to be easier, can eff her off on the way to public transport

but this is all to be waited for, and the waiting is stresful
So sorry, darkmoon. It's easy to throw out answers for you here in our posts but I know when you're the one facing the situation, it can feel really stressful.

Listen, I don't want to preach to you, and don't know whether or not you believe in God, but in these kinds of things I always pray that God will go before me and smooth the way. I tell Him that I can't handle it and I need Him to figure it out. Then I leave it in His hands and count on Him to handle it. And He always does. I had such an experience this past weekend.
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Old 5th March 2018, 9:16 PM   #22
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I am dealing with a narc who nearly stole a close friend, once bitten twice shy, no more info for her, just boundary-setting now

either at a dinner party of a flat
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Old 5th March 2018, 9:17 PM   #23
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I am dealing with a narc who nearly stole a close friend, once bitten twice shy, no more info for her, just boundary-setting now
OK, but your question was whether or not "how long have you known X?" was a nosey one. It isn't normally, that's my opinion.

It sounds like any question this woman asked you would be taken as being too nosey, though, so you're probably best to just keep your distance. If you two don't get along, she probably will stay away from you as well.
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Old 5th March 2018, 9:19 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
OK, but your question was whether or not "how long have you known X?" was a nosey one. It isn't normally, that's my opinion.

It sounds like any question this woman asked you would be taken as being too nosey, though, so you're probably best to just keep your distance. If you two don't get along, she probably will stay away from you as well.
^^^this^^^
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Old 5th March 2018, 9:22 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by darkmoon View Post
I just want to learn how many people see - "the how long have you know other people" - questions as nosy ones,

its not nosey darkmoon.....but you feel its invasive because you are maybe on edge and not comfortable with this friend being around your other friends..its an average and common question to ask...deb..
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Old 6th March 2018, 9:48 AM   #26
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^^^this^^^
what does that ^^^this^^^ mean?

I genuinely have no idea
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Old 6th March 2018, 11:43 AM   #27
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I think you have boundary issues.

Nobody can "steal" your friend. Your friend is a grown woman, I assume, who can choose for herself who she wants to be friends with. If she's a true close friend, her relationships with others should not affect yours with her.

You are going to a dinner with a lot of people. Just don't sit by this nasty woman. Give her the cold shoulder. If she accuses you publicly of being toxic or whatever, just look at her strangely. That is a bizarre thing to do. It will be noticeable by other people.

Give her the cold shoulder. Be coldly polite. When she talks to you, smile minimally, nod and move on. If she asks you how long you've known someone, (which is not nosey and a pretty normal question but I get that she has a bad agenda with you) say something vague like "quite a while." Then move on and get involved in conversations with other people.

I know that narcissists are horrible and draining but how much you let this person get under your skin is completely up to you.
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Old 6th March 2018, 11:55 AM   #28
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I am dealing with a narc who nearly stole a close friend, once bitten twice shy, no more info for her, just boundary-setting now
How can someone steal a close friend? Are you saying that your close friend told you that they are considering dumping you as a friend and are now going to be close friends with the Narc? Grown people can be friends with whomever they chose.
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Old 6th March 2018, 12:55 PM   #29
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How can someone steal a close friend? Are you saying that your close friend told you that they are considering dumping you as a friend and are now going to be close friends with the Narc? Grown people can be friends with whomever they chose.
the narc would use a mutual friend's flat (not her own flat or mine) to love bomb, and manipulate, and to drop off some money she owed me

and as the narc took it upon herself to organise birthdays for around 5 in the group, I was dropped from her list of 5 invitees

yes, my friend and I get on, and I told the narc (not asked) that I am still attending my friend's birthday, of the 5 she is the one I like most, the others were not soul mates anyway, so to speak
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Old 6th March 2018, 12:57 PM   #30
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How can someone steal a close friend? Are you saying that your close friend told you that they are considering dumping you as a friend and are now going to be close friends with the Narc? Grown people can be friends with whomever they chose.
the narc would use a mutual friend's flat (not her own flat or mine) to love bomb, and manipulate, and to drop off some money she owed me, so a lil stalking went on

and as the narc took it upon herself to organise birthdays for around 5 in the group, I was dropped from her list of 5 invitees

yes, my friend and I get on, and I told the narc (not asked) that I am still attending my friend's birthday, of the 5 she is the one I like most, the others were not soul mates anyway, so to speak
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